COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Harvest Time.
Autumn.
Thanksgiving.
Family.
Country.

These all seem ingrained and entwined in my psyche.
I was born in the fall.
Canadian Thanksgiving is mid October and in the United States it finishes November nicely after both countries honor veterans.

Falling leaves and crisp air carry color and scent past routines
and daily activities to the very chambers of my heart and mind.

Something primal struggles to surface.
I apply many labels but never feel quite satisfied with a resultant full emptiness that wallows in steady exuberant feelings (that I still as they seem too private to shout or flaunt) until snow finally freezes winter into place and melts that confused state of being into the joyous Christmas season.

A loved hymn encourages me to voice some of those labels, thoughts and feelings - sometimes only to myself.

I start listing labels in my prayers, and they seem to pop out of my mouth each time I open it enough  to breathe.

1 x 1 x one x one x 1 x 1 x one x one x 1 x 1 x one x one x -

you get it ....

TRY IT!

Suddenly it is impossible to be discouraged or 'lost' and burdens become bearable.

1. When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

[Chorus]
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; ev’ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.

3. When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

4. So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Hymns of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, no. 241

Text: Johnson Oatman, Jr., 1856–1922  Music: Edwin O. Excell, 1851–19

20/20 SEQUEL

Dad making wisecracks to mom during pictures 

My youngest son, age 24, called the other day.  He is staying with his grandparents (in Canada) while working this summer.  “Mom,” he said, “did you ever think about how wonderful fingernails are? I am so glad I have no problems with fingernails  - or toenails.”

Random!  I hadn’t even written 20/20 yet but it was on my mind.  His remarks that day clinched my need to make an attempt to record my feelings and thoughts.

He can be a bit random at times. His favorite answer to any question is ‘7’.  Just ‘7’ – it makes me laugh.  He likes to help people laugh – and he thinks – the thinking is what makes him seem a bit random, I think. His thought process can be explained and is very logical, but at times it leaves others in the dust like RoadRunner and Coyote.

My son also told me how grateful he is for his teeth, and his eyes.  Then he expounded at length about the ability to walk and work.  He was preaching to the choir here!

My daughter captured this candid moment
of mom and dad on a swing
during their granddaughter's wedding reception

He also spoke in awe of the love my parents share. They have been married more than 60 years. He is trying to find someone to share an eternal relationship with.  He is amazed at their faith and good cheer.

Yesterday I spent quite a while visiting with my mother on the phone.

My mother is a living breathing miracle – she is like that bunny battery commercial – she just keeps on going through it all:  she gets a priesthood blessing often and sees doctors as needed.

She has endured the birth and rearing of 10 children (with Rh negative factor) on a small farm - in a 3 bedroom no-indoor-bathroom-until-I-was-approximately-15 house, lived 40 + years past a brain tumour (after being told she had 6 months or less to live), multiple major surgeries and broken bones, severe high blood pressure, adult onset diabetes, debilitating migraines and a stroke a few years ago that left her with only a small amount of movement in one limb. Anyone that saw her at that time can scarcely believe that she is now able to walk and function independently.

Despite being robbed of many hobbies and talents (for example she is no longer able to paint) by the tremors of Parkinson’s Disease she remains cheerful and involved in life and living. Instead of worrying about all the things she can’t do she focuses on the things she can do.

Three years ago she was able to come to a reunion of most of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren in a wheelchair and on oxygen.  I left thinking I would never see my mother alive again. How silly of me! She is now more healthy than she has been for many, many years. She attends the nearby temple 2 times a day, 4 days a week!

 The other day when my son drove up from work they were outside painting the bottom half of the shed.  (Of course he promptly got the ladder and painted the top half - I suspect that was a set up.)

Recently mother and dad had cataracts removed from their eyes. After that, surgery for undiagnosed carpal tunnel syndrome on first one arthritic hand and then the other relieved some severe pain she had been experiencing for many years. Sadly some permanent damage has taken place.

As I visited with mom I enquired about her health and dad’s health.   My father has been mom's caregiver during her most serious health problems.  The light of understanding dawned – my son is with them daily and assists with many home or yard maintenance tasks they are not able to do themselves. He sees the fumbling knobby fingers and shuffling gaits, the filling of weekly pill counters and the carefully planned and eaten meals. His heart yearns to relieve every struggle and he notices acutely his physical health and ability to do service for them the way they have served their family and others for so long.

Dad has his own issues.  He is breathing with more difficulty, becoming unsteady and tires easily. At age 75 he was still working construction. I used to mock my hard-working husband because he would tell me that my father could work circles around any man he had ever seen do construction – and that was a lot of men.  I mocked because I know my father considered himself a slacker compared to his own father. Hmmm – where did that hyperactive gene come from …

Now as my dad nears 85 he worries he can’t keep up with mom.  He has to take some meds for seizure prevention and heart disease.  They interfere with the circulation in his legs and feet and cause a lot of numbness and pain.

She tells me that when they walk together arm in arm they are not sure who is holding up whom. She mentions that her last surgery took almost 8 weeks to heal – I adjust my own expectations for my own much larger and more complicated surgery accordingly – sheesh – why did I think this would only take a few weeks?

Mom talks about dad’s eyes.  One of them is blurry and no longer focusing properly. They have to go see the eye surgeon again. As we chat mom mentions a problem she is having with a fingernail. It is in the awful process of regrowth and shedding the remnants of an infected hangnail. Gout at times causes her big toe to be gargantuan and hot red; this month it is much better.

I ask about her blood sugar.  It is well controlled this week but her false teeth are not fitting properly and without her realizing it they had rubbed some serious sores onto her gums in several places.  Those are healing now since the dentist has made some adjustments. For now she only wears the teeth to eat or while in public.

My son expressed sincere gratitude for a wonderful and healthy body. He expressed even greater gratitude for grandparents that are so healthy spiritually - grandparents that see eternity with perfect vision. 

REASSURED !

Sometimes life is scary.

When least expected pain, disease - trauma or drama - or other less significant disturbances to routine rituals (with and without warning) mushroom clouds over all rainbows and blot light to choking darkness.

I have such times. 

I have heard those feelings described as being on the bottom of the pond. I joke that I feel like I am under the scum on the bottom of the pond – sometimes it helps to smile, laugh a little and by acting the part become it.

Sometimes the fear is palpable, literal reality.

THEN, often, I will find a hymn sliding softly into thought and seeping words of comfort and wisdom through consciousness.

Music such as Hymn # 85 How Firm A Foundation.

Tonight verse 3 began and the song continued and inserted a cracked slivered ray into inky despair. 

  3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

      For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
      I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, …
      Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

  4. When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
      The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow,
      For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, …
      And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

I found a hymn book and slowly, read hymn 85 – all of it. Then I had my husband read verse 4 through 7 to me – slowly. I knew God was speaking to me personally – specifically.

Praise to the Great King of Heaven, to God - the loving Father of each one of us.

Truly He knows each of us and notices our every thought. I am left wondering if I bother to even acknowledge His existence sometimes. He loves each of us just as we are with all our fear and faithless foibles. 

I am loved,and watched over even when I neglect to recognize it .

You are loved. ALWAYS!!!!!!!

31243, Hymns, How Firm a Foundation, no. 85

  1. How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord,
      Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
      What more can he say than to you he hath said,
      Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior,
      Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

  2. In ev’ry condition—in sickness, in health,

      In poverty’s vale or abounding in wealth,
      At home or abroad, on the land or the sea—
      As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand,
      As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

 3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
      For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
      I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
      Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
      Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

 4. When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
      The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow,
      For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
      And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee,
      And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

 5. When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
      My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
      The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
      Thy dross to consume, thy dross to consume,
      Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

 6. E’en down to old age, all my people shall prove
      My sov’reign, eternal, unchangeable love;
      And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
      Like lambs shall they still, like lambs shall they still,
      Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

 7. The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
      I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
     That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
     I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never,
     I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

        Text: Attr. to Robert Keen, ca. 1787.

         Included in the first LDS hymnbook, 1835.
        Music: Attr. to J. Ellis, ca. 1889
        Isaiah 41:10; Isaiah 43:2–5 Helaman 5:12