Friday, April 8, 2011

THREE "C"s

 1. CONNECTEDNESS

Today I thought about connections.
What am I connected to?
Who am I connected to?

Why?

If someone knows my name, and calls me by name I feel connections with that person.  Friends know more about me than my name.  Family members know intimately more than any friend - as we share the functions of living and space there is no way to avoid knowing and being known as outsiders never can.

What makes the connection to someone (or even something) greater or less? good or not?

God knows my thoughts - my mind and my heart.
My connections with God are sure and deep.

2. COMPETENCE

When I succeed at something - anything - it sure feels great.

A friend once told me, "at least I have a good laugh - people tell me my laugh makes them feel happy".  Part of her worth and happiness as a person came from others telling her she has a wonderful laugh - and she does!

I am a competent seamstress - maybe ... but -
I doubt myself when I don't get feed back from others that shows I am competent and capable. Maybe I don't know enough, or do it well enough, and am kidding myself?

Self doubt is a pervasive voice.
It comes into the mind and drowns the heart.

I think the circles at the top are lights
above the bathroom mirror

Recently a young granddaughter sent me a letter with a picture on the outside of the envelope.  She admires my 'curls' and wishes her straight hair 'had curls'.

Awwww ...

 She has helped me remember that some of me is 'competent' in spite of anything I do or don't do - there are things about me that are blessings that others long for and do not have.

How can I help her understand her 'competence'?
And learn vital lessons of self acceptance and awareness?

I longed so deeply for shining smooth straight hair, like hers, the first 30 or so years of my life. I never learned to know or manage my own fuzzy hair - no one ever knew how I felt or explained valid options to me. I am sure my mother tried but she seemed frighteningly out of touch with the style of the day - ironed flat, straight hair! She thought ringlets were a wonderful look (and they were I might add - now, in hindsight).

How do I help some one know their value? that their smile lights up my world, their song brightens gray days or their service, even just a smile or an opening door,  touches my soul?

I believe those voices of self doubt and recriminations come from the devil himself and the minions that desire our misery. Sometimes people around us heap fuel on our fires of self recrimination with thoughtless words, negligent actions or careless looks.  I  believe each of us can silence those voices for people around us with kind words, loving actions and grateful looks.  

Simple sincerity requires little effort but much diligence. 

3. CONFIDENCE

Connectedness plus Competence equals Confidence.

C1 + C2 = C3

A simple formula - just an equation.
A pattern for love, and life and perhaps even happiness.
It may not be easy to recognize me, call me by name, validate things I do, allow my feelings, help me see how I contribute value or to just accept ways I am different from you. When you do so with understanding, and without mockery, I feel and find confidence!

If someone knows my name, and calls me by it or just notes my existence I feel connections to them. Noticing my existence is not superfluous and may even be life or sanity saving. I ask myself - am I making connections that build competence and confidence? With my spouse? children? grandchildren? siblings?

Am I choosing to make viable connections in the most important relationships of life - with family?

What can I do today to help family members feel competent?

When someone I trust (and perhaps another also) compliments a choice I make or an action I take I begin to know competence. I begin to realize I can 'choose and do' - especially if I have 'connections' with them.

When I 'choose and do' I become more of what I have chosen and more of what I have done - for good or ill.

What can you do with confidence?  


Ideas from training to help youth in crisis. I was able to find an Internet reference to "Positive Youth Development Program" from Hong Kong, that may be one of the sources from the training. Accessed 26 January 2015