PLOWING THRU: MARRIAGE TRENDS

 “[W]e recognize the signs of change. The rising median age of first marriage, now 27 for women and 29 for men, is linked to a rapid rise in cohabitation prior to marriage and a dramatic increase in the number of children born outside of marriage. A growing number of couples, both young and old, now live together with no plans to marry eventually. For first marriages recently formed, between 40 and 50 percent are likely to end in divorce. The divorce rate for remarriages is higher than that for first marriages."

(The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012; President’s Marriage Agenda for the ForgottenSixty Percent).

A moment in time, snapshot

Snowflakes are fragile, and fascinating.

Tiny flakes magnified against slick windbreaker. 

A single snowflake falls softly.

Paper Model

Floating down, almost unnoticed, it seems to matter little.

Isolated, single 3D snowflake, 

A societal trend toward divorce, starting in 1960 seemed, at first, like seeing a few flakes – of no lasting consequence.

Magnification on fleece near jacket zipper.

And a few single flakes little affect most.

Complex, yet individually different,
floating so lightly that a point-and-shoot photo shows structure

Seeing them, just those few flakes, laying about harmlessly – on my jacket or car – easily swept from my porch, I may ignore impending realities. 

On the car, mostly melting as they touch down.

Snowflakes can accumulate, however, and obscure perception.

Sometimes snowflakes begin unexpectedly, just a few at a time, after a single cold night, but as days change to weeks, and weeks to months, the cold of winter arrives - changing everything.

Piles and piles of snowflakes broken into individual 'feathers,' each a part of an exquisite original.  

I must make conscious, consistent efforts to clean walks and clear driveways to maintain safety and mobility.

“The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012,” a joint publication of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values notes:

     “[S]omething astonishing has happened. In ‘Middle America,’ defined here as the nearly 60 percent of Americans aged 25 to 60 who have a high school but not a four-year college degree, marriage is rapidly slipping away (p.2),” and “living together is even more unstable than marriage, especially for children, and the pain of breakups does not appear to be much mitigated if no marriage vow was made in the first place (p.28).”

State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012; Social Indicators of Health and Well-being; Divorce 

America as a whole, has startling statistics quietly drifting into potentially mountainous problems. Where are the plows?

Religious leaders worldwide are taking note. And speaking out.

Porch sign being buried into oblivion.

Marriage matters. Divorce, cohabitation, and single parenting erode well-being of children and adults.

Shoveling to clear snow before it becomes compacted ice
 prevents problems.

At the November 18, 2014  Vatican Summit, “The Complementarity of Man and Woman; An International Interreligious Colloquium,” a translation of Pope Francis’ address reminded all listening that men and women both contribute vital benefits to marriage and family life.

He said, “I would like to begin by sharing with you a reflection on the title of your colloquium. You must admit that “complementarity” does not roll lightly off the tongue! Yet it is a word into which many meanings are compressed. It refers to situations where one of two things adds to, completes, or fulfills a lack in the other. . . .
"Yet complementarity is more than this. Christians find its deepest meaning in . . . work[ing] together for the good of the whole-everyone’s gifts can work together for the benefit of each. (cf. 1 Cor. 12). To reflect upon “complementarity” is nothing less than to ponder the dynamic harmonies at the heart of all Creation. This is a big word, harmony. All complementarities were made by our Creator, so the Author of harmony achieves this harmony.

Pope Francis,
266th and current Pope of the Roman Catholic Church 

“[T]he complementarity of man and woman . . . is a root of marriage and family.

. . . [W]e know, families give rise to tensions: between egoism and altruism, reason and passion, immediate desires and long-range goals. But families also provide frameworks for resolving such tensions. This is important. When we speak of complementarity between man and woman in this context, let us not confuse that term with the simplistic idea that all the roles and relations of the two sexes are fixed in a single, static pattern. Complementarity will take many forms as each man and woman brings his or her distinctive contributions to their marriage and to the formation of their children — his or her personal richness, personal charisma. Complementarity becomes a great wealth. It is not just a good thing but it is also beautiful” (Pope Francis).

President Henry B. Eyring
of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

During the Colloquium, invited speaker President Henry B Eyring, counselor in the first presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, remarked: “a man and a woman, united in marriage, have a transcendent power to create happiness for themselves, for their family, and for the people around them.” Reading from“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” he reminded all listening that martial and family duties are sacred, and called for a “renaissance” of happy marriages.

Occasionally sudden fierce storms may force flurries to pile into every crevice and cranny. Action is needed, notice must be taken, and even potential emergencies declared so that broad societal and government policies and contingency plans may prevent widespread harm.

But, blustering blizzards with gale force winds or fluctuating temperatures may envelop homes or communities with the weights of ice or snow that down trees, destroy power grids, and immobilize whole populations.

Experts are forewarning America and the world of approaching disaster.

Penn State behavioral scientist and sociologist Dr. Paul R. Amato, in multiple meta-analyses with various collaborators, examines overall marriage and family trends in his 2005 article, “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation."

Amato describes a growing cultural divide of overall well-being between children of two married parents and children in step families, or of divorced, cohabiting, or single parents. The latter categories all having “lower average levels of cognitive, social, and emotional well-being,” with effects lasting “well into adulthood” (p.77).

“The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012,” quoting Amato and others, declares “[T]oday the greatest source of inequality in America is not economic but cultural, stemming from millions of Americans losing touch with founding virtues. (p.8).”

 “[M]arried couples on average build greater wealth than single persons do …. [It] stands to reason that stable families with two parents and two potential earners will have greater resources to weather bad times and to enjoy good times . . . (p.28).

Daily diligence is needed in stormy weather to keep pathways clear.

Does one choice matter?
It seems so insignificantly small.
Do the actions of one person make a difference? 

Amato offered this insight and suggestion:

     “Increasing the share of adolescents living with two biological parents to the 1970 level . . . would mean that 643,264 fewer children would repeat a grade. Increasing the share of adolescents in two-parent families to the 1960 level suggests that nearly three-quarters of a million fewer children would repeat a grade. Similarly, increasing marital stability to its 1980 level would result in nearly half a million fewer children suspended from school, about 200,000 fewer children engaging in delinquency or violence, a quarter of a million fewer children receiving therapy, about a quarter of a million fewer smokers, about 80,000 fewer children thinking about suicide, and about 28,000 fewer children attempting suicide” (p.13).

Storms, winter 2017,
layered heavy ice onto every surface repeatedly, requiring removal after each storm -
removal by persistently breaking the hazard into manageable bits! 

“[E]ven small, incremental changes that improve the health of marriage in America will reduce suffering for children and their families and will yield significant cost savings for taxpayers
(The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012, Executive Summary, pp. xi-xii)

We have a good snow shovel and an ice breaker. This winter we needed good tools when ice storms battered our community. Sadly, we had a few icy storms in the house too! We weathered the harsh winter by being prepared. Habits, promoting togetherness, help us turn to God and each other seeking solutions. And we asked for help, too. Having trusted resources can provide a safety net.

Cheery young neighbors repeatedly offered to shovel
as we chipped at ice to remove danger chunk by chunk. 

Every individual and every family must become aware, more prepared and more diligent.

Spencer W. Kimball, a Latter-day Saint (Mormon) Prophet looked to by millions, warned in October 1980, “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”

Building, or even rebuilding, a family requires effort. Children need fathers and mothers. We all need stable, happy marriage and family relationships.

References

Amato, P. (2005). The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation. The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/3556564 

President Spencer W. Kimball, Ensign, Nov 1980, 4

§       State of Our Unions2012; The National Marriage Project. 

DOES MARRIAGE MATTER?

A new semester. A new class: FAML 300 MARRIAGE. 

I love the clean simplicity of plain bands.

Marriage! How does someone with a spouse effectively discuss such a topic deeply unless their spouse is also privy to the discussion? As I begin this course I realize this semester will change who I am, and may critically affect my attitudes and behaviors.

My spouse likes more elaborate things.
But compromises can be worked out. 

In fairness to my spouse, I explain what I am seeing and feeling, and offer to share course materials if he is willing to join me in reading and discussing topics. He had already been perusing my text books. He thought they looked interesting – or are they merely intimidating?

If my spouse were reading Dr. H Wallace Goddard’s, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” without me, I suspect I could find that somewhat intimidating. And Dr. John M. Gottman’s, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” would certainly cause me to be somewhat suspicious of how the book might affect my spouse’s attitudes and behavior.

The lead course designer provided a page of reading material about the importance of marriage and asked students to reflect on, and respond to four questions as part of an online discussion with other class members.

The basic requirement for Discussion Board posts and replies is supposed to be 350 to 600 words. I whipped out a sentence or two for each question and posted it, but after reviewing the syllabus I realized I needed to be more thoughtful to be able to meet that word count. Strangely, (for me at least), I really struggled to build the required word length.

I've never attempted to articulate such deep beliefs and feelings before. 

The forced process actually helped me realize how shallow my answers had been and to think more deeply about the meaning of marriage. This course requires me to publicly share a very closely held part of my core being and beliefs. I'm having to decide if I am OK with that. I thought about dropping out. 

AVOID SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL

But then I considered the message of our new BYUI President and his wife, Henry J. & Kelly C. Eyring from their first devotional to students Tuesday. "Hello, My Friend," discusses our need to reach out to others and avoid the "temptation" to withdraw socially. I am deeply intrigued by the doctrines they taught.  

I'm still unsure about many things. 

Nonetheless, I am jumping in, even if I must learn to swim.

MY MARRIAGE MEANINGS

Here's my 350 'ish' words ...

•  What meaning does marriage have for you? What does it represent?

Marriage is an ideal pattern to develop and promote becoming more like God the Father, our Heavenly Father. For me it represents a core longing to be more than I now am.

Ideally, marriage unites two individuals in physical, spiritual, and emotional ways so they are able to gain and magnify strengths, and minimize or overcome weakness or error.

• What meaning does marriage have within your family?

Marriage in my family is viewed as a permanent commitment, and a covenant relationship with each other and with God. 

My paternal grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary, 1961

My ancestors generally modeled enduring marriages lasting their entire life time.

My maternal grandparents - 60 years, 1986

• In what way has your family influenced your views about marriage?

My family’s examples of stable enduring marriage influence me to build and strengthen my own marriage and family. Although we are imperfect human beings, and some family members lack real stability or enduring relationships, true principles are both modeled and taught.

The expectation is pervasive even though application is not always successful. These expectations and teachings also develop a greater support network than might be otherwise available. If a relationship is breaking down, family members are more likely to encourage solutions versus giving up or quitting.

Family members, especially those like parents who are turned to for trusted advice, will help couples turn to each other instead of away from each other, promote patience, and will encourage considering many potentially positive options— Is there another view? a different interpretation? or possible remedy?

• How do you think your views about marriage will affect your own marriage?

In my opinion, we live in a throw-away, disposable society accustomed to instant gratification. If more divorcing couples believed they would be alone and lonely for the remainder of their lives perhaps they would reconsider, or figure out other options. Too many may be driven toward dysfunction or divorce by friends or family reinforcing petty grievances and encouraging selfishness or pride.

Some seem to believe a new and ‘better’ or ‘happier’ relationship will soon be available if they simply discard the present partner. They haven’t truly committed their all to their spouse, and constantly consider replacement models as if continuously ‘shopping.’ For them, is marriage a mere commodity custom-ordered on whims?

Believing marriage is an enduring, eternal partnership increases my willingness to re-evaluate, grow, learn, repent, and forgive—and to allow my spouse and others to do so also. It helps to view all events, experiences and marital ups-and-downs with more long term attitudes and assessments.

HALF AS YOUNG

Happy Birthday, Clarence!

Thirty-one, times two, is sixty-two.

Obvious, I know!

Two of us, and one of you! 

Of course!

Twice as much as twice thirty-one! 

That's one hundred and twenty-four. 

(Could you live that long?)

That's also a lot of birthday wishes. 

We send them all your way.

DID YOU THINK TO PRAY??

Mom's advice today:

"Don't forget to pray."

I was chatting to mother today.

I told her about my statistics math class.
I got really, really stuck last week.
I felt like crying. I felt so helpless, and hopeless.

I felt like giving up. Then I remembered I hadn't said prayer before I started studying. I went by myself, knelt (on a pillow, of course, following mom's advice to take care of my knees), and told God about how helpless I felt. I told him about how sorry I was to forget to even talk with Him and ask for help.

And I cried.

And then followed President Hinckley's 2003, Women's Conference advice. He said, " Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord. You will discover that you have accomplished something beyond price."

I don't know that my homework will accomplish something beyond price, but I do know that when I stood up and returned to my studies that my mind cleared, new ideas came to me, and I knew what to try next. I discovered why I was stuck, gained an understanding of the concepts of the week, completed my assignment (on time), and I passed the test. 

I told mom about this experience. 

She said, "Always remember to pray. My mother taught me that!"

Mom says her mother often sang the hymn, "Did You Think to Pray."

Mom began to sing. I joined her.

Thank you Grandma.

I often heard my mother sing that hymn [140]. 

I know it by heart.

Now I just need to do it.

Lyrics
1. Ere you left your room this morning,
    Did you think to pray?
    In the name of Christ, our Savior,
    Did you sue for loving favor
    As a shield today?

(Chorus)
Oh, how praying rests the weary!
Prayer will change the night to day.
So, when life gets dark and dreary,
Don't forget to pray.

2. When your heart was filled with anger,
     Did you think to pray?
     Did you plead for grace, my brother,
     That you might forgive another
     Who had crossed your way?

3. When sore trials came upon you,
    Did you think to pray?
    When your soul was full of sorrow,
    Balm of Gilead did you borrow
    At the gates of day?

Text: Mary A. Pepper Kidder, 1820-1905
Music: William O. Perkins, 1831-1902

WARMED IN GRATITUDE

Yesterday was cold and it snowed heavily.
The day before was sunny but frozen, well below 0.
David quipped there were no degrees left.
I added that a few seemed to be missing!

Mom and I talked about being, and staying, warm.
About how nice it is to not have to go outside to get wood.
And about how rich we were when I was growing up.
We burned coal!  Mom tells me that only the rich had coal.

I never felt poor but did not realize I was rich!
As I scrubbed down the black soot from ceilings and walls twice a year, at least, I certainly didn't think that made me rich.

(In the fall, after dad brought the loads of coal that were shoveled to fill the small coal room in the basement [6x6?], we always washed all the ceilings and walls. No matter how well our furnace grate was covered the black dust filtered through to stick to everything. And mother insisted everything was washed clean. In the spring, after most of the coal was burned, and the weather warmed so a fire was no longer needed night and day, we washed everything again to remove the greasy black soot that clung to ceilings and walls. Mom never complained. It was the price of being warm, and rich!)

Mother grew up in Hillspring. Coal came there on a train, and was costly. A coal fire only needed attention a few times a day for a steady, constant heat. It was also more easily banked to burn more slowly all night.

The Campbell family burned wood in a large iron stove to stay warm.
Keeping the fire going all day was an all day job.
When it was very cold, the fire was tended even through the night.

At night they would warm their beds with a rubber, hot-water bottle or a glass jar filled with hot water - water that was heated on the stove. The rubber water bottle was a luxury item, and plastic containers didn't exist. They would get the beds warm, and by sleeping with several siblings be able to stay warm all night.

Mom says they always slept with 3 or 4 to a bed.

All summer they would go to the timber and cut logs. The logs were then cut into 6 foot lengths, loaded on a wagon, and taken home where they were cut into shorter lengths and stacked in the wood house at the bottom of the lot.

I remember the mostly empty shed at Grandpa Campbell's, at the far back by the alley. I realized that I usually visited in the summer and I am not sure I ever saw it in winter when it would have been full. She says they were really lucky. They always had enough wood for the winter because they could go to the timber and fill the wood house. There was lots of wood available at no cost.

Mother explained that the logs had to also be split into smaller pieces to be able to fit into the stove, and no one was exempt from the chore of helping keep the fire going. You had to put on your coat and boots and go out to the wood house and get the wood. It was just an un-insulated, enclosed place to protect the wood and keep it dry.

I asked if critters liked to go in there to stay out of the storms. She said of course! All kinds of animals took shelter. Was she scared to go in there? I asked. She said you just took a stick with you and hit anything that was there to chase it off. Weasels were the most fearsome.

She also explained how her dad eventually put together a larger furnace out of sheet metal, and then a larger log could be burned. The bigger logs lasted longer and burned more slowly. They were so grateful to have the furnace.

We also talked about storing food. The Campbell family had a cellar on the north side of the house that kept things like root crops and bottled fruit, vegetables and meats, from freezing in the winter, and in summer it was cool enough to keep milk from souring to quickly.

Gratitude. This year I need more gratitude.
I am grateful for central heating and cooling.
I am grateful for electricity and appliances.
I am so grateful for ancestors that worked so hard.
Family that is so loving, and hard working.

And for so much more.
My heart is warmed thinking of all I can be grateful for. 

CHRISTMAS COOKIES

I normally make 2 different dough types for cookies at Christmas.
And then I use both to make several different things.

The cookies pictured here are all from one or the other.

Ooops! I almost forgot this one was for a picture! 

First: Molasses Crinkles - always.

Besides Molasses Crinkles, which are seasonally one of my favorite cookies, this is the dough I use for Gingerbread men, reindeer, and sometimes sheep, among other possible hand shaped or cut out cookies.

Molasses Crinkles frosting sandwiches are satisfying.
And Molasses Crinkle sheep add variety

If you intend to roll all of it out be sure to add a bit more flour (at least ¼ to ½ cup more). My daughter gave me the recipe. She got it from one of her husband's relatives.

A whole herd of reindeer flew out the door on plates and trays.

Lybbert’s Molasses Crinkles

       Ingredients

* Gray numbers in brackets (#) are for a large batch.

    I don't eat many myself. 

Half my daughter's large batch is more than enough. 
EXCEPT when I am sharing. Then I double!

First Step -Mix:

(1 ½)   ¾  cup shortening (I often use butter). 

(2)       1   cup packed brown sugar

(½)    ¼   cup molasses

(2)       1  egg

      Reserve of Granulated sugar (for dipping cookie)

Second Step - Mix:

(4 ½)   2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour

(4)       2     teaspoons baking soda

(½)      ¼    teaspoon salt

(2)       1     teaspoon ground cinnamon

(2)       1    teaspoon ground ginger

(1)      ½    teaspoon ground cloves

Directions:  

1 Mix the 2 mixtures.  Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours. 

   (I sometimes ignore this chill step).

2 Heat oven to 350°F. Grease cookie sheet.

3 Shape dough into 1¼ -inch balls. (I prefer about 1" balls)

   Roll in granulated sugar. 

   Place balls on cookie sheet.

4 Sprinkle each with 2 or 3 drops of water. (Mist lightly).

5 Bake 10 to 12 minutes or just until set but not hard.

Sometimes I flatten the balls slightly by dipping the bottom of a damp drinking glass in sugar, and pressing down evenly. If the glass has a design on the bottom it transfers to the cookie. 

  (Sometimes I roll these out (be sure to chill the dough, and dust table or counter heavily with flour when rolling. The white flour will look like it needs to be brushed off but in a minute it simply absorbs and disappears.

Tiny Gingerbread were urgently needed for a project.
They were first on the agenda

I lay the cut-out, raw cookie on sugar to coat the front.

TIPS: I use a table knife or thin spatula to flip or move these soft, rolled-out cookies.

See the single ball? I couldn't wait for a Molasses Crinkle!

TIP: As they bake they will puff up, and the top will set and lose it's 'shine.' Then they will deflate slightly. That is when I take them out of the oven. I like them soft not crisp. In my convection oven the tiny cookies on a dark sheet bake in 5 minutes. On a lighter shiny cookie sheet they bake in 6 minutes. And some days they take longer and some days less time - it depends on the humidity and how much extra flour you roll them with.

6  Leave on pan a minute to cool slightly.

  

  Remove from cookie sheet to wire rack.
  Cool, and decorate.

Chewy, and tiny - only 1 1/2 inches tall - perfect to toss 

into a candy popcorn mix or decorate for bite-sized fun

 Sometimes I roll these out, and lay the cut out cookie on sugar to coat it by pressing VERY lightly. Is the sugar essential - you decide. Try it both ways, to see which you prefer. 

Second: Shortbread for the press. Almost always.

               (Also called spritz.)

This is the same dough I use for snowmen. Unknown recipe source. 

I have made these cookies for more than 40 years.

These always taste good, and are fast and easy. 

Of course they taste good - they are simply butter and sugar!

Yes, only real butter! And, YES, they take a whole pound!

SHORTBREAD (for a press)

3 cups flour
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup corn starch
2 cups butter
drop of 'real vanilla

Cream butter with mixer. Add all dry ingredients gradually, then add vanilla. Bake at 325 degrees F on an UNGREASED pan for about 15 minutes (only 7 minutes in my convection oven) or when light brown on bottom (can be seen on very edge when done). Be careful about how much flour you put in. I start out with 2 cups and add enough more to make sure the dough handles well - but not too stiff. The cookies can be very tender. Leave them on a flat surface while frosting to avoid too much breakage.

Use star sprinkles placed with tweezers for top of trees, and
 Wilton decorating tip 15 or 16 for greens, 101 or 101S for ribbons.

TIP: Buy only the best ingredients. If the flour, butter and sugar 'taste' good your cookies will taste good. Cheaper ingredients often do not have as nice a flavor as better quality ingredients. Particularly beware of generic powdered sugar (especially be wary of WalMart brand, as it often gives food a more starchy [cardboard] flavor.

Tip: For the press you don't want them to 'melt.' If kitchen gets too warm, the dough may need additional chilling (or flour - but then they taste more like flour). I keep my kitchen fairly cool. Too little flour and the cookies just melt out of shape or 'ooze' out of the press. Too much flour and the press is hard to turn or else the cookies 'break' and 'crack' as they press out.

This batch (left) needed a bit more flour (but were fine when decorated).
Mini cupcakes on left were for tiny snowmen seen in middle (post).

Usually one cookie takes about a turn and a half on my press. As it squeezes, I watch for an edge to barely be seen under the press, and then tip the press sharply and lift it in one motion. If the cookie does not break free, the dough may be to stiff OR too soft. Some design inserts break sooner, and some later.

Again, be willing to experiment as each press, the dough, and every person will be unique so - relax and enjoy the process. Once you get the hang of the press these are the fastest, prettiest, and easiest cookies to present or share. One batch can make 10 - 12 dozen cookies, and be completed in 4 hours or less if you are in a hurry. Seriously! I once made 10 dozen cookies, from the very beginning to decorated and on plates in 3 hours.


Experiment until you figure out what works for you. That is why I start with only 2 cups of flour of the 3 called for in the recipe - it is easiest to add more. Generally I use about 2 1/2 for the press but that will depend on the brand of butter used (some contain more or less buttermilk), as well as the brand of flour, and the humidity in the atmosphere. Altitude also affects the dough's consistency. Add more or less flour to get the cookies to work, but start with less. 

CREATIVITY: These cookies can also be shaped into logs, layered and cut, or balls. The balls can be flattened by hand, with an implement leaving a design (see glass used for molasses crinkles), or indented for a 'thumbprint. The indentation may be filled with jam or other fillings before or after baking. The balls can be rolled in chopped nuts, coconut, or cinnamon sugar before baking. After baking the logs can be dipped in powdered sugar (while hot so it will stick), melted toffee or chocolate, or frosting - with or without nuts or sprinkles, and any combination there of. Be creative - there are endless options.

READY FOR CHRISTMAS

While talking with my mother this morning (age 86, and living in a full care facility), I asked if she was ready for Christmas.

She said we only really are ever ready in our heart and mind.

She said she has her memories.

And shared a few.

Trees were decorated with paper chains, and strands of popcorn and tinsel. The thin metal strands of tinsel glinted and swayed in the light. They were made of an actual metal (perhaps similar to tin foil), and carefully rolled up after use each year and saved for the following year.

From Wikipedia we learn that tinsel was originally made of extruded strands of silver and invented in Nuremberg around 1610. But "silver tarnishes quickly, [so] other shiny metals were substituted. … It was added to Christmas trees to enhance the flickering of the candles on the tree. Tinsel was used to represent the starry sky over a Nativity scene."

We also learn that one of the primary other metals used was lead. "Lead foil was a popular material for tinsel manufacture for several decades of the 20th century. Unlike silver, lead tinsel did not tarnish, so it retained its shine."  And I agree with Wiki that the new plastic forms of tinsel that replaced the metal types "do not hang as well as tinsel made from heavy metals such as silver and lead." Sheesh - lead!! It is a wonder we all survived and aren't mentally deficient.

When Mom was growing up in HillSpring, Alberta, Canada there was seldom a lot of fruit. Near Christmas each year Red Delicious Apples would become available in stores. She explained, with great longing in her voice at the memory, how they looked forward every Christmas morning to that single apple in the toe of their stockings. They wanted that apple more than any candy!

There were also a few peanuts in the stockings, always peanuts she says, and sometimes maybe one walnut. That would be an exciting thing!

I'm ready for Christmas, just like mother. I have past Christmas' shining in my memory: tinsel twirling, popcorn threading as Dad builds the tree stand of 2x4s a few days before Christmas, and family - so many special times with my family.

When Mom raised her children, our family always traded beef for apples. In the fall, usually in late September or October, Dad and a few other local men would take a truck (or trucks) to Creston, British Columbia, Canada and get a load of apples - usually several kinds - but the Red Delicious Apples were always saved until Christmas to eat. What anticpation, though apples in our family were never rare in the winter.

On  the tree or in the box new apples look almost dusty. That is a natural wax that is part of growth. We would rub the apples with a wool stocking and they would shine until you could almost see yourself in the smooth skin. Sometimes we would hang them as Christmas tree decorations by tying them on with a string knotted on their stems. 

Oranges were more rare.

Mandrin, "zipper skins," were a treat available only at Christmas. We loved how easy they were to peel.

They came in a box, and were individually wrapped in green tissue paper. I could have eaten a whole box by myself!

They were however, guarded and doled out as the rarity they were.

Are you ready?

REMEMBER

Cenotaph: a tomblike monument to someone buried elsewhere, especially one commemorating people who died in a war.

Two countries, side by side in the war and now at peace, Canada and The United States of America commemorate their soldiers on the 11th day of each November: Remembrance Day and Veteran's Day. 

As a child, our school in Cardston, Alberta, Canada passed out red poppies to every child on Remembrance Day and we walked, with our classes and teachers, to the town cenotaph. It was on the corner by the courthouse, a few blocks from the school. 

We would hear a speech, and at 10 a.m. two minutes of absolute silence was observed. This commemorative ceremony was particularly personal for me. My father and mother were usually there, and often my grandfather, and other relatives. Grandpa Neil returned from World War I, but his oldest son, Thomas Rex Forsyth did not return from World War II. 

At some point, before or after the speech and ceremony (or perhaps both), wreaths were laid at the base of the memorial, and we marched back to the school. My father would allow his children to stay with him, and after the crowd cleared we were permitted to trace the name of his brother with our fingers. 

F/O Forsyth, T. R. 

My oldest brother carries the same given name, Rex. 

Dad's cousin's name, Dudley Leavitt is also there. 

P/O Leavitt, D.T.

Late this summer I stopped to take some pictures. 

I wanted them to help me retain this memory fresh in my mind. 

My father taught me to remember.

Always, remember. 

ADVICE ANEW: BE MORE KIND

I received a message from my sister today.
Mother is near the end of her life. Doctor's have discontinued all medications except what is necessary to ease pain.

In June I posted 3 bits of loving advice from mom:

     1. Be Happy,
     2. Take care of yourself,
     3. Make time for family.

Midnight has come and gone, and I sit pondering life and death.

I teach gospel-doctrine class in Sunday School.
This week the lesson is from Alma chapter 40, 41, and 42.

It's about life and death - now and forever. These chapters are all about being perfectly changed, and restored to life after death. Alma also teaches that we acquire the attitudes, attributes and characteristics of all eternity now in this life.

As I sat pondering mother's 3 bits of advice, I wondered (if I could ask her advice one last time) what counsel she might give. I felt as if I heard her voice in my mind, reminding me of what I have heard her say many times:

"Be Kind."

I thought about that.
One of mother's characteristics is kindness.
I wondered, "Am I kind?"
Are my words and my actions kind?

As I considered this I imagined her voice speaking more firmly,
specifically and directly to me. "Be More Kind."

The 3 words summarize every aspect of her life and attributes.
"Be More Kind."

BILL AND ELNA CAMPBELL

I was talking to mother (Elna Jean Campbell Forsyth, daughter of William David and Elna Campbell, nee Bohne) last night. I was telling her about a woodpecker family here. I watched a baby, almost as big as its momma, be fed a worm she collected, ate, and gave back. Fascinating.

Mom began telling me about how much her mom and dad loved the birds.

I did not know that she got her love for birds from her Mom and Dad. 

She says they never let the kids molest the birds in anyway.
Grandpa, in particular, wouldn't let the boys climb up to disturb nests. 

They protected them. What a nice thing to know about my grandparents. 

As she talked about the birds and how her dad was so protective of the animals she told me a story from the 'timber.' She says she didn't usually go into the timber with her dad unless her mom also went. Her mother would go to bottle berries etc. (Bringing the jars from home with her.)

Mom says usually the kids slept outside, and their parents in a little cabin that was there. She told me how her dad always told them they were not to molest or to disturb the animals.

Then she told how one night they (the girls) could hear something and repeatedly were screaming and crying that it was a bear that was going to get them. But their parents kept telling them it was nothing. The girls kept insisting.

Eventually her dad came out with a lantern to look around. He had been splitting firewood and his axe was still in a log. That area happened to be where the sounds were coming from.

He discovered the axe handle was being eaten by a porcupine.

Mother recalls her father was always so meticulous in caring for his tools. You had to take care of tools because your lives depended on having them. This destruction of such an essential tool just went against his grain.

Mom said he killed the porcupine and it is one of the few times she ever knew her dad to get very upset or to kill an animal (except for food).

MOM'S ADVICE

I was 20 something.

I told my mother some of my miseries in life.

She told me, "Man is that he might have joy, and that means woman too!* Always remember that."

From my mother I learned to not live in misery. She supported the choices I needed to end misery, and make important changes.

In my 40s I again sought her wisdom.
She was in her 60s.

I asked her, "If you could change anything in your life when you were my age, what would you do differently?"

Her reply was simple - yet ever so wise . . .

"Take care of my knees."

 She pointed out that she sometimes saw me weeding while kneeling on the hard ground or doing things in the house on my knees. She wished she had been wise enough to simply pad and protect her knees when she was younger. She advised, "Never kneel on concrete."

I decided to take care of my knees, and all the rest of my body.

Knees were a simple thing. I have never regretted acquiring good kneeling pads - and using them indoors and out. And I began to use a pillow when I pray. I am still working on taking better care of my physical self. It is an ongoing project and challenge.

Recently I again probed for advice.
This time about the challenges of aging.
I am now in my 6th decade.
Mom is almost 86.

I reminded her of her counsel about knees 20 years ago and asked, "Mom, what would you counsel me about being 62?"

"Slow down!" was her immediate answer.

June 2016 photo by Rex Forsyth - making time for what matters

She said her children and grandchildren rush about here and there, hurrying, always in a hurry to accomplish more sooner.

We take our kids to lessons, we work, we play, and we hurry - constantly on the go.

"Take time to enjoy the things that matter most," she said. "Nothing is more important than your family. Someday they will be gone and you will miss them!"

She ought to know.

Thanks Mom.

Three succinct bits of loving advice:

1. Be Happy,
2. Take care of yourself,
3. Make time for family.

*2Nephi 2:25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

HOLLYHOCK DOLLS

It’s early spring here in Washington and I’m antsy for flowers.

The tulips and daffodils have tips peeking out on the sunny side of the house, but for now I must be content with memories.

Flowers create lasting memories.

 Were you ever teased that you liked butter when a dandelion was held under your chin or by your cheek so that a yellow glow appeared? If you haven’t played that old game be sure to try it with the first dandelions of spring.

Grandma Ames 'dandelion' vase

And surely you’ve made flower chains or crowns!

Children from the past made dolls with hollyhock flowers; they are simple, and no tools are necessary.  At one time these flower were found in almost every garden.

Perhaps your own grandmother (or other ancestors) grew hollyhocks. They are so common and so ancient that they have been found buried with a Neanderthal man. 

My mother taught me to make Hollyhock dolls, and says she learned it from her mother. I asked grandma who taught her how to make them.  She replied, "everyone knows how to make them - anyone could have [taught me]."

But that was a very long time ago . . .

So—perhaps  you have never made a hollyhock doll.
But ask your grandmother – maybe she did!

Some may wonder when it would be useful to know how to make a doll from flowers—trust me on this one.  It ranks next to dandelions and butter for charm, and dandelions are charming – right?

I think we’ve all blown dandelion seeds!

Children love hollyhock dolls, AND guys—listen carefully—it is a great way to impress and flirt with most girls.

Hollyhocks are a biennial, and reseed readily.

With even limited water, they grow flowering spikes 6-8 feet (or more) in height, and many in colors, sizes and varieties.

Hollyhocks grew near pioneer cabins and dugouts because they survive in poor soils with little care.
One of their common names is “alley orchid.”   They are also tolerant of frost and heat, and all parts of the plant are edible, as well as useful medicinally .

In the past, a bucket of water (carried from a stream or pumped by hand from a carefully primed well), had many uses. Water could be precious, with every drop doled out carefully.

After washing dishes, that water could be used to clean boots or scrub a floor. After water became so dirty it was 'almost mud,' then vegetables were watered, and lastly flowers—often hollyhocks.

To make dolls you need 2 kinds of blooms.

A fully open bloom for a 'skirt' - larger is better - after all we want a 'full' skirt – right ladies? (wink).
But if you want a more narrow skirt pick a bloom that isn’t opened as far - use your imagination.

Notice bud at top middle right

For the head or ‘bonnet’ use a smaller tighter bud.

Notice buds have 2 layers of green around the base of the flower just above the stem (see above photo). Peel away the greens, being careful to not damage the bud or deeper petal layers, and look for a small hole.

removing first green layer

 You may worry something could fall apart - don't worry so much - it won't—the layers pop right off (with only the guidance of a thumbnail).

Here is a close-up so you can see it coming apart

Remove the second layer of green, and hidden underneath, several indentations are visible at the base of the petals.

If you can’t see a little hole in the middle yet, that’s OK— use your fingernail to remove a tiny bit more of the white soft part in the very center of the flat 'base.’

Note indentations by base of petals - these will be eyes

Right in the middle, there will be a tiny little hole.

Position the stem of the 'skirt' to go into the 'head.’ If the stem is too long it may resist pushing into the hole. Shorten it a tiny bit to make it stiffer.

Skirt stem above is too long, Adjust as needed.
Shorter a little bit is stiffer. 

Gently push the stem of the 'skirt' into the small hole in the bud until they are pressed snugly together.

Never use dangerously pointed objects to poke holes or hold these together.
That is entirely unnecessary.

The sap from the plant acts like a seal.
This will also keep them fresh.
I have left these in the sun several hours and they were not wilted.

OHH! Look!

A dolly with eyes, a green collar, and a huge headdress!

 Sometimes we pinched off or added on other flower parts for aprons, bustles etc.

Curious oddities can give unique personalities.

See this bustle from leaves that haven't separated

Imagination is the key ingredient here.

That’s it!!
That’s all there is to it.
Simple.

And no tools are needed.

Give it a try this summer.

HAPPY IMAGINING!

GROWING

The old chair squeaked
As I rocked you - and me
I felt movements
Softly beneath my heart
And watched me swell
As you grew
And I patted you
And held you close
And warm.

Now I hold you
Enclosed in my arms
And I feel you stir
Above my heart,
Against my breast.
You give me warmth
And I watch you grow
And I grow too.

Happy Birthday
A poem I wrote when you were an infant.