tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9103279940747274802024-03-19T01:47:14.651-07:00Time In A Blogttle. . . memories to comfort, guide, and elucidate our lives. . .Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.comBlogger452125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-51634649515571067462024-01-01T21:39:00.000-08:002024-01-01T21:39:58.935-08:00Basic Basics 123123<p> 2023 is over - officially now past!</p><p>It ended last night with booming neighborhood fireworks, and a fun number sequence - 12/31/23</p><p>- 123 is about as basic as numbers get. Do you remember learning to count? Read? Write? Pray?</p><p>I ponder my new calendar - all the days, weeks, months!</p><p>Another whole year began today, 01/01/2024 - and let's skip the complications of prime and exponential numbers - K? (There should be some great ones this year.) News rumors climate change, wars, and disasters in full swing with the bells of the New Year. Are those basics? </p><p>And the universe is churning out meteor showers (beginning almost immediately - talk about fireworks) before leading to a total eclipse of the sun 08 April. (I well remember the multiplied shadows from the recent past.)</p><p>https://www.msn.com/en-gb/weather/topstories/quadrantid-meteor-shower-2024-the-years-1st-meteor-shower-blazes-over-north-america-on-jan-3/ar-AA1mjNhQ</p><p>We can get as complicated as anyone wishes to be, or focus on basics - like 01/01, first day, first month and first chance to consider what basics I want for the rest of the year ...</p><p>I think I'll go thumb through the new calendar Santa brought ... and mark it, highlight it, and place notations and reminders of your birthday and mine ... yes you - I care if your birthday and other special days are nice, and I pray they are. If I can do nothing else I can talk with God - about anything, and everything! And I do! </p><p>THAT is as basic as basics will ever get - pray every day - every single day - every month, every year.</p>Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-55416605391941071342023-05-02T12:10:00.002-07:002023-05-05T15:57:28.237-07:00New, Old Twists<b>WOW! </b>Time seems to be in a hurry - where has it gone?<div>
Tremendous, ongoing adventures here! </div><div><br /></div><div>We have survived significant health challenges and changes, have a new home in a new location, and continue to learn
and grow. </div><div>(And yes, I did finish that degree.)</div><div><br /></div><div>March 17, 2023 was a great symbol for all these things. </div><div>We attended a family dance - <i>naturally</i> celebrating the date.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCrqP1jqd7LqTP9lbLV4ew1Fj1UMtNbXhiW1PwfhVJGZv8hKWXveWVWbX1wu34bDEQBWp37JXhEoXFhQD98q1--lc-zUuE631-rO2AG82R_oow2UhGxnVr_YozMcfqAY4aiaToM0kLuNgT3_wps2vUR5-wf6fgRKAeeCnOyr7l_DemForweAaY69hEKQ/s2560/17%20March%202023.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2560" data-original-width="1920" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCrqP1jqd7LqTP9lbLV4ew1Fj1UMtNbXhiW1PwfhVJGZv8hKWXveWVWbX1wu34bDEQBWp37JXhEoXFhQD98q1--lc-zUuE631-rO2AG82R_oow2UhGxnVr_YozMcfqAY4aiaToM0kLuNgT3_wps2vUR5-wf6fgRKAeeCnOyr7l_DemForweAaY69hEKQ/w300-h400/17%20March%202023.JPG" width="300" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>OF COURSE we danced! </div><div>We dance almost anywhere and everywhere - if there is music, </div><div>hubby may begin - even in public places! And we do love to dance!</div><div>We were even caught on video feeling a Samba at a Carne Asada. </div><div><br /></div><div>So - we are on the dance floor, and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETX03Zjtarc">The Twist </a>begins to play. </div><div>Admittedly, we <i>were</i> grooving a bit more '<i>hep</i>' ... </div><div>Not <i>quite</i> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MggQSspSGU8">this 'hep'</a> (definitely no acrobatic moves), </div><div>but certainly having lots of fun, when I lost my balance, </div><div>and as I fell hubby attempted to catch me. </div><div><br /></div><div>We both ended up on the floor, laughed, jumped up red-faced -</div><div>AND, naturally, continued dancing. What else can be done? Cry? </div><div>Not a chance! </div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes we simply must go forward, without looking back. </div><div>Sometimes, we must even fast forward to starting again - </div><div>or even again - learning from our faux-pas' if possible.</div><div><br /></div><div>Dance organizers awarded us the 'best twist' prize, </div><div>but was that sympathy or talent? No matter - we had fun. </div><div>And continue to! My father often said, "if it's not fun </div><div>don't do it, and if you've gotta do it, make it fun.</div><div><br /></div><div>I try to have fun blogging - let's try again!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-47709659304798131212019-02-21T17:59:00.000-08:002019-02-23T16:35:57.378-08:00WANTED: REPAIRS <span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">My new-to-me car was blue, my favorite color. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">In addition to a powerful V8, the Buick Lucerne CXL, 4 door sedan featured all 5 possible luxury packages including a remote start which activated automatic temperature control for the interior and warming (or cooling) for the cream-colored leather seats. Also included were airbag and braking safety features; rain-sense wipers, tachometer and cruise control; heated, auto-dimming mirrors; specialty lighting and sound systems and interior trim, and much more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Everything I could think to have for economy (25-30 mpg), safety, comfort, and pleasure; and many things I hadn’t even considered (like tire pressure sensors) were mine, all mine! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">And it was a steal! Found almost by chance through a surprising turn of events, I knew it was for me. I knew God (fate, karma, or whatever you may ascribe such blessings to) had provided me with a choice car, in my cash price range (very low), at the very time I needed it most. Kindness and love from family members also assisted possible ownership to become a reality. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">The ride was exhilarating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">There was an accident that dented the front passenger door extensively. Although it could be opened and closed, the window was not functional and the glass was cracked so severely that safety was an issue. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Mechanically, the car was sound.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Should I ignore the issues?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Of course not!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I loved the car, and immediately had the entire door completely repaired so it, and the window, could be used without hindrance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Marriage can be compared to my car.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">There should be benefits, safety, comfort, pleasure—and joy.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Courtship may be amazing, perhaps even in the way you meet, and soon a date is set, plans with loved ones launched, and the exhilaration of marriage begins.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Eventually a few bumps, and perchance an accident—or two—cause a dent in the relationship or damage to feelings of one or both partners.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Should the issues be ignored?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Although the relationship is still intact,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> repair is needed, something more than polishing or waxing. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Hurt feelings, and dented egos devalue connections, diminish trust, and contribute to future </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">concerns.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">Over time, extensive damage on a car will worsen causing paint to fail, and the canker of rust to begin. And cracked glass eventually breaks. The integrity of the entire vehicle can be jeopardized.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">Family, and marriages (and other cherished loved ones) have much deeper inherent value than cars. They also need daily care, frequent maintenance, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">and occasional repairs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">President <a href="https://www.lds.org/church/leader/dieter-f-uchtdorf?lang=eng">Deiter F. Uchtdorf</a>, second counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints advises, “Set aside pride.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">“Sincerely apologizing to your children, your [spouse], your family, or your friends is not a sign of weakness but of strength. …Even when you are not at fault—perhaps especially when you are not at fault—let love conquer pride” (April 2016, <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/in-praise-of-those-who-save?lang=eng">In Praise of Those Who Save</a>).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">In 2012 President Uchtdorf instructed, “</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">Stop it!</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">“</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love …” (Uchtdorf, Deiter F., </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng" style="font-size: 13.5pt;">The Merciful Obtain Mercy</a><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">, April 2012).</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg__Qudrc6-2tmr0o-ynKSIEldIhve9dVlIZUNJccnw-fa_bljuI3cc6YD6N1xgm0HbZpFNy3PWsgf7OimcyxzTz6X0GIOcAZiM1ZC-SBOeVVkuyVMwhbxchnVJuGH_6KWu5viuJpvdCGJk/s1600/text.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg__Qudrc6-2tmr0o-ynKSIEldIhve9dVlIZUNJccnw-fa_bljuI3cc6YD6N1xgm0HbZpFNy3PWsgf7OimcyxzTz6X0GIOcAZiM1ZC-SBOeVVkuyVMwhbxchnVJuGH_6KWu5viuJpvdCGJk/s200/text.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">New York Times bestselling authors of </span><i style="font-size: 13.5pt;">The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work</i><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">, John M. Gottman and Nan Silver, claim successful </span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">marriage
repair attempts are one of the “primary factors in whether [a] marriage is
likely to flourish” (p. 27) and one of the most “important findings” from the </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“</span><span class="MsoHyperlink" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oB6zNcLIH0">Love
Lab</a></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">,” in Seattle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After decades of research involving thousands of couples, they claim to be able to predict marital breakdown to divorce with an astonishing 91% average accuracy rate (p.2; see also </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVpV45zTQIw"><i><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mathematics of Marriage: Predicting Divorce</span></i></a><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">). </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Repair attempts among couples vary and have no particular format, but “are a secret weapon” of happy couples even though they “aren’t even aware that they are employing something so powerful” </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(p. 27).<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The terminology ‘repair attempts’ describes “any statement or action—silly or otherwise—that prevents negativity from escalating out of control,” and “what determines the success of [a couple’s] repair attempts is the strength of their marital friendship” (p. 27).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sounds simple, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We should be nice, no?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Dr. Gottman warns that friendship is anything but simple. In marriage, he found friendship is surprisingly complex. Nevertheless, “When a couple have a strong friendship they naturally become experts at sending each other repair attempts and at correctly reading those sent their way” (p. 27). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span>Dr. John M. Gottman </div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Dr. Gottman notes seven ways that happy marriages are alike, but the core finding of decades of research with his colleagues points to one “simple truth” (p. 21). “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship . . . a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.” Couples in enduring relationships “are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams, . . . have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness . . . through small gestures day in and day out” (p. 21).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">Gottman advocates </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqPvgDYmJnY"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">repair</span></a><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">. Just as my car required repair, so do relationships, and the best repairs prevent further damage. Repairs may require 5 positives for each negative.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">Cars have purpose and so do marriages, but as Gottman advises, “Most marital arguments cannot be resolved” (p.28)—especially not as readily as a car can be repaired. Yet, instead of wasting time in conflict, he reminds us that couples can “learn how to live with [their differences] by honoring and respecting each other …”. Successful relationships “don’t just ‘get along’—they support each other’s hopes and aspirations and build purpose into their lives together” (p.28). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">President Utchdorf also counsels, “Great marriages are built … day after day, over a lifetime. And that is good news. Because no matter how flat your relationship may be at the present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">“If it appears to take forever, remember: happy marriages are meant to <i>last</i> forever! So ‘be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great [marriage]. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great’<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/in-praise-of-those-who-save?lang=eng#note2"></a> (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/64.33?lang=eng#32">Doctrine and Covenants 64:33</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;">“It may be a gradual work, but it doesn’t have to be a cheerless one. In fact, at the risk of stating the obvious, divorce rarely happens when the husband and wife are happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 19.26px;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">“So be happy!” </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 19.26px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">(</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">April 2016, </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/in-praise-of-those-who-save?lang=eng" style="font-size: 13.5pt;">In Praise of Those Who Save</a><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">)</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">References:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). <i>The seven principles for making marriage work: a practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert</i>. New York: Harmony Books.</span></div>
Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-43107755577914013412019-01-25T22:44:00.000-08:002019-04-24T00:58:45.280-07:00The Divorce Diet: ReInvent Reaction Ideas<br />
What does '<b>divorce</b>' mean?<br />
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Have you ever read "<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Divorce">The Great Divorce</a>" by C.S. Lewis?<br />
He posits that divorce is a separation -<br />
from anything or anyone.<br />
As in, "Sometimes I need to divorce my worst habits."<br />
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What is a '<b>diet'</b>?<br />
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Is it what we eat? and enjoy?<br />
Or what we sacrifice or deny?<br />
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Is it what you CAN have, or can't?<br />
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What you internalize, or don't?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR-4U_-LPqs9HNzzynTfkNy5KreXX_7MgAnO7j9T0VWCecXCymehK8vfNqM_bC4PTi_IVs4z8xGfLu1_FqnlxMs_o-9O8qP_40yYnQY30ffXP4Ed14CW7hmOQ_wB5mD4S0bHX6NvAo2YPj/s1600/IMG_4871+salad.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR-4U_-LPqs9HNzzynTfkNy5KreXX_7MgAnO7j9T0VWCecXCymehK8vfNqM_bC4PTi_IVs4z8xGfLu1_FqnlxMs_o-9O8qP_40yYnQY30ffXP4Ed14CW7hmOQ_wB5mD4S0bHX6NvAo2YPj/s400/IMG_4871+salad.jpg" /></a><br />
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How would you define these terms - divorce and diet?<br />
Do these terms define only physical parameters?<br />
Or, are there other aspects to weigh?<br />
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And consider -when conflict begins in a family, what is the 'regular' or 'habitual' response?<br />
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Is it an action moving toward an 'ideal' enduring, everlasting, family?</div>
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Do we start with small basics going toward or away from our desired outcomes?<br />
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In April 2011 LDS, General Conference, Elder Lynn G. Robbins gave a talk titled, "<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/what-manner-of-men-and-women-ought-ye-to-be?lang=eng">What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?</a>" He began with the well known quote, “To be, or not to be,” suggesting it as “a very good question.<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/what-manner-of-men-and-women-ought-ye-to-be?lang=eng#note1">1</a>"</span> </div>
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Elder Robbins reminds us,"The Savior posed the question in a far more profound way, making it a vital doctrinal question for each of us: ‘<i>What manner of men [and women] ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am</i>’ (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/27.27?lang=eng#26">3 Nephi 27:27</a>; emphasis added). The first-person present tense of the verb be is I Am."<br />
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Jesus "invites us to take upon us His name and His nature.” As Elder Robbins finished his talk he reminded listeners that although his “remarks” were mostly “to parents, … the principles apply to everyone.” <br />
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Take a moment and reflect—ask yourself: “What manner of man or woman ought I to be? <br />
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Elder Robbins explained it this way: "To be and to do are inseparable. As interdependent doctrines they reinforce and promote each other. Faith inspires one to pray, for example, and prayer in turn strengthens one’s faith." <br />
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As he talked about interactions between family members, mostly parents and children, I often found the expectations for how to help a child become more Christlike (and follow the example of Jesus) beneficial to me–a child of God. With small adjustments of phrasing, I suddenly found the very basics I need to apply to my interactions with other family members – even some interactions with my spouse.<br />
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Elder Robbins said, “We will never have a greater opportunity to teach and show Christlike attributes to our children than in the way we discipline them … It should not be done in anger. We can and should discipline the way that <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121?lang=eng">Doctrine and Covenants 121</a> teaches us: ‘by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness and pure knowledge’ (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.41-42?lang=eng#40">verses 41–42</a>). These are all Christlike be’s that should be a part of who we, as parents and disciples of Christ, are.” <br />
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[What if we paraphrase that counsel to apply it to marriage?<br />
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“We will never have a greater opportunity to [share] or show Christlike attributes to our [spouse] than in the way we [disagree] with them … It should not be done in anger. We can and should [disagree] the way that <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121?lang=eng">Doctrine and Covenants 121</a> teaches us: ‘by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness and pure knowledge’ (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.41-42?lang=eng#40">verses 41–42</a>). These are all Christlike be’s that should be a part of who we, as [partners] and disciples of Christ, are.” <br />
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Continuing to paraphrase and apply Elder Robbins counsel to everyone, can we “turn negatives into positives[?] If your [spouse] confesses to a wrong, praise the courage it took to confess. Ask … what he or she learned from the mistake or misdeed, which gives … the Spirit an opportunity to touch and teach [you and them]. When we [learn]… doctrine by the Spirit, that doctrine has the power to change [our] very nature—be—over time. <br />
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“Alma discovered this same principle, that ‘the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword’ (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/31.5?lang=eng#4">Alma 31:5</a>; emphasis added). Why? Because the sword focused only on punishing behavior—or do—while preaching the word changed people’s very nature—who they were or could become. <br />
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“[An easy going, compliant spouse will enroll us in Marriage] 101. If you are blessed with a [spouse] who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in [Marriage] 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the pre-mortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging [spouse] a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself …[in developing] your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this [spouse] as much as this [spouse] needs you? <br />
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“We have all heard the advice to condemn the sin and not the sinner. Likewise, when [there is family conflict] …, we must be careful not to say things that would cause anyone to believe that what they did wrong is who they are. “Never let failure progress from an action to an identity,” with its attendant labels like “stupid,” “slow,” “lazy,” or “clumsy.”<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/what-manner-of-men-and-women-ought-ye-to-be?lang=eng#note2"><span style="font-size: x-small;">2</span></a> Our [family members] are God’s children. That is their true identity and potential. His very plan is to help His children overcome mistakes and misdeeds and to progress to become as He is. Disappointing behavior, therefore, should be considered as something temporary, not permanent—an act, not an identity. <br />
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“We need to be careful, therefore, about using permanent phrases such as ‘You always …’or ‘You never …’ [during conflict]. Take care with phrases such as ‘You never consider my feelings’ or ‘Why do you always make us wait?’ Phrases like these make actions appear as an identity and can adversely influence … [other]’s self-perception…, identity, or self-worth. … <br />
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“In helping [family members] discover who they are and helping strengthen their self-worth, we can appropriately compliment their achievement or behavior—the do. But it would be even wiser to focus our primary praise on their character and beliefs—who they are.”… <br />
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"During family scripture time, look for and discuss examples of attributes discovered in your reading that day. Because Christlike attributes are gifts from God and cannot be developed without His help,<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/what-manner-of-men-and-women-ought-ye-to-be?lang=eng#note3"><span style="font-size: x-small;">3</span></a> in family and personal prayers, pray for those gifts. <br />
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At the dinner table, occasionally talk about attributes, especially those you discovered in the scriptures earlier that morning. “In what way were you a good friend today? In what way did you show compassion? How did faith help you face today’s challenges? In what way were you dependable? honest? generous? humble?” There are scores of attributes in the scriptures that need to be [shared] and learned. <br />
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The most important way to [share] to be is to be [like] … our Father in Heaven is to us. He is … perfect …, and He has shared with us His … manual—the scriptures. … May your efforts to develop Christlike attributes be successful so that His image may be engraven in your countenance and His attributes manifest in your behavior. <br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/what-manner-of-men-and-women-ought-ye-to-be?lang=eng#toggledReferences">REFERENCES </a></span> <br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">1. William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> act 3, scene 1, line 56. <br />2. Carol Dweck, quoted in Joe Kita, “Bounce Back Chronicles,” </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> Reader’s Digest, May 2009, 95. <br />3. See Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service (2004), 115</span>. </div>
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-786726323214541772019-01-12T15:54:00.000-08:002019-01-25T16:16:48.316-08:00The Divorce Diet: ReInvent Reactions <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh75ti3hNsYbKk3GB3U_S2S-DdOHmUQMeiMI5ViYEi6ZrCjdx03e3tnoiGc403cYzdQ7fUJsqrtHOqJZWhWnNhPbsG10H0FnLPIm3CVgA_G38xbI8WwWPEDjWNMEHifT6ylJnfN7Yg3DEx7/s1600/business_card+szd.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="228" data-original-width="400" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh75ti3hNsYbKk3GB3U_S2S-DdOHmUQMeiMI5ViYEi6ZrCjdx03e3tnoiGc403cYzdQ7fUJsqrtHOqJZWhWnNhPbsG10H0FnLPIm3CVgA_G38xbI8WwWPEDjWNMEHifT6ylJnfN7Yg3DEx7/s400/business_card+szd.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>MINI WORKSHOP</b><br />
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This semester I am continuing to work on my Family Advocacy degree at BYU-I (online) as a family coach and advocate. <br />
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This week I am teaching a mini-workshop about strengthening families. It is titled “The Divorce Diet: ReInvent Reaction.” <br />
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Time and place arranged according to your needs. Please text or email to arrange times to share fun ideas and resources.<br />
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Questions? Please email ame12004@byui.edu.Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-3916975404573127292017-12-01T10:40:00.000-08:002019-03-13T11:33:25.993-07:00SAMPLE 4: FAMILY LIFE COACHINGMini Workshop IV: Strength Identification<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMivzFZ1cnLs6hJkNZt6_2mgBhuWMFrUCWX07R3nbQrC7K-Fir2rPnZPLiwymNzOY450c4RON_CJOOVeEN-nfiQvDrlkQUD24xawfsdRavuZzUhsb8GKenOY4gdXE_g0WRnAAkrW-9Wr0V/s1600/business_card+szd.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="800" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMivzFZ1cnLs6hJkNZt6_2mgBhuWMFrUCWX07R3nbQrC7K-Fir2rPnZPLiwymNzOY450c4RON_CJOOVeEN-nfiQvDrlkQUD24xawfsdRavuZzUhsb8GKenOY4gdXE_g0WRnAAkrW-9Wr0V/s400/business_card+szd.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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What is one way you excel?<br />
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I have a strong voice.<br />
Yes, that does mean it is loud.<br />
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In fact, when my husband drives with me in the car,<br />
sometimes he covers his ear nearest to me.<br />
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Sorry, dear.<br />
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Every weakness has an opposite strength.<br />
Those who are stubborn, are also steadfast.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCGJKNRNV1Kt6Mcg4rDVll7QiR-twcD_K-sa_iKsG9DuXgV0Dwv-phYd8qlx1W7ho3BLFWMOV718_Bs868w7W62MypNdjBpHsGVgOSoAhU1W8L3mATFctlm5ZX8tAXXiNbC-SAR5wFcr_T/s1600/opportunity.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="98" data-original-width="167" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCGJKNRNV1Kt6Mcg4rDVll7QiR-twcD_K-sa_iKsG9DuXgV0Dwv-phYd8qlx1W7ho3BLFWMOV718_Bs868w7W62MypNdjBpHsGVgOSoAhU1W8L3mATFctlm5ZX8tAXXiNbC-SAR5wFcr_T/s320/opportunity.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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(And my voice can be heard clearly without a mike.)<br />
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What are your strengths?<br />
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Strengths can open closed paths ...<br />
Strengths identify open doors, show us light, and directions.<br />
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Strengths connect our head with our heart.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpvKgAtH4Xv0xI0JEtvqTjiqpIX-0kB6IJX6vo_fwnLcO-x1HMp2MHaR_VH7vH7Pbt7IIJBxuDN_NTuCkkg9ng19N_L0tOayhQ5ID3PKFJ-qKJf13Yibimjl6uxq3tYLfgcugVodaLu76x/s1600/strength_weakness_reflection.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="352" data-original-width="658" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpvKgAtH4Xv0xI0JEtvqTjiqpIX-0kB6IJX6vo_fwnLcO-x1HMp2MHaR_VH7vH7Pbt7IIJBxuDN_NTuCkkg9ng19N_L0tOayhQ5ID3PKFJ-qKJf13Yibimjl6uxq3tYLfgcugVodaLu76x/s320/strength_weakness_reflection.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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What are your strengths?<br />
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In October 2008, Elder <a href="http://www.lds.org/church/leader/jeffrey-r-holland?lang=eng">Jeffrey R Holland</a> encouraged listeners:<br />
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“Take heart, be filled with faith, and remember the Lord has said He ‘would fight [our] battles, [our] children’s battles, and [the battles of our] children’s children (<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/98.37?lang=eng#36">D&C 98:37</a>).’ And what do we do to merit such a defense? We are to ‘search diligently, pray always, and be believing[. Then] all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith [we] have covenanted (<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/90.24?lang=eng#23">D&C 90:24</a>).’ The latter days are not a time to fear and tremble. They are a time to be believing and remember our covenants. [sic]<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKC5tgbNszw9GlKvOD0freiVqDDhALc0zE-rMHtXEfxSlDu0lDL2-iEHLgamvkeL3TjULNHxaZraNULdgl-RmtVvduMPLM-Fjq7aigB1GvSLXbbm0O5Ofvyt4RZ_ZoRU54CHAwRLgiyQHt/s1600/Parable+of+the+Lost+Sheep.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="700" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKC5tgbNszw9GlKvOD0freiVqDDhALc0zE-rMHtXEfxSlDu0lDL2-iEHLgamvkeL3TjULNHxaZraNULdgl-RmtVvduMPLM-Fjq7aigB1GvSLXbbm0O5Ofvyt4RZ_ZoRU54CHAwRLgiyQHt/s400/Parable+of+the+Lost+Sheep.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rescue of the Lost Lamb by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minerva_Teichert">Minerva Teichert</a></td></tr>
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“God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved (<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/7.36?lang=eng#35">Moroni 7:36</a>).<br />
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"On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal” (<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/the-ministry-of-angels?lang=eng">The Ministry of Angels</a>, October 2008).<br />
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-38112680917569162062017-11-24T11:45:00.000-08:002018-11-29T14:18:01.896-08:00SAMPLE 3: FAMILY LIFE COACHINGMini Workshop III: Patterns and Possibilities<br />
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<b><br /></b><b>Gratitude</b> and <b>Kindness </b>are key parts of genuine happiness.<br />
Being <b>Mindful</b> of habitual interactions also contributes.<br />
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“[T]he positive, outward focus afforded by gratitude and kindness interventions mobilize the existing support that people have in their lives, enabling them to forge new or strengthened connections with others.<br />
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"[These findings are] consistent with prior research indicating an association between gratitude, kindness, and elements of improved relational functioning… [to]… predict the acquisition of positive relational resources ...” (Passmore, & Oades, 2016).</div>
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Mindful. Kindness. Gratitude.<br />
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What do these terms mean?<br />
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Let's define them.<br />
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Being <b>Mindful</b> is the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.</div>
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The concept of mindfulness originates in a term meaning to remember.</div>
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It combines remembering with a sense of non-judgmental acceptance, <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">kindness </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">and friendliness.</span></div>
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<b><br /></b><b>Kindness: </b>is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.</div>
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Kindness changes hearts and lives.</div>
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In kindness intervention research, kindness is defined as “behaviors that benefit other people, or make them happy.” Researchers propose that these behaviors “usually involve some effort on our part” (Kerr et al, 2015), and suggest we look for 5 daily acts of kindness that we can do every day, with at least one of those acts being intentional.<br />
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What 5 kind acts can you do today—<br />
making one of those acts intentional?<br />
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"Kindness is a choice that can create change today"—now<br />
(Kerr, S. C.,2015).<br />
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“Positive emotion has an 'undoing effect' on damaging negative mood states, and is self-perpetuating, such that the experience of positive emotion can lead to an upward spiral ... [as] the context of ... one’s habitual ways of thinking are expanded and broadened …<br />
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“Cultivat[ing] feelings of loving-kindness (directed toward the self and others)… [gives] purpose in life, social support, … and reduced negative affect and symptoms of illness ...<br />
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"Otake et al. (2006) examined the importance of kindness … [and observed] increases in happiness … in participants who had completed the most kind acts, whereas no increase in happiness was observed for the control group” (Kerr, S. C., 2015).<br />
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How many synonyms can you think of for the word Kind?</div>
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In a literature review of hundreds of studies about positive and negative affects on emotional and physical well-being, Ramsey and Gentzler provide evidence that positive interactions form “an upward spiral” of increasingly beneficial exchanges. </div>
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Their research includes many other specific categories and “indicates that we all are actively influencing each other's positive [attitudes]” and that this is associated with “the quality of our relationships” (Ramsey & Gentzler, 2015).</div>
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In other research regarding couple relationships, we learn that this influence is so great that "when there is a discrepancy between individuals' self-views and a spouses' views, both change in ways to become more consistent with the views of the other. [Beware however,] that individuals and spouses are as likely to adopt negative views as they are to adopt positive views" (Cast & Cantwell 2007).</div>
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<b>Gratitude:</b> is readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness; the quality of being thankful.</div>
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“[G]ratitude is, in essence, a positive emotion beneficial for positive functioning, as well as <b><i>broadening</i></b> and<i> <b>building</b></i> other positive emotions, which, in turn, result in an increase in emotional well-being” (<span style="font-size: x-small;">CHIH-CHE, L</span>. 2015, <i>my emphasis</i>).</div>
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“ [G]ratitude serves a social function in helping build and maintain relationships between family members and the wider kinship group.<br />
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More importantly, gratitude encourages individuals to focus their attention on the positive aspects of their life, in contrast with dwelling on negative issues and events.<br />
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Research … has linked gratitude with hope, life satisfaction, and more proactive behaviors towards others.<br />
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In conflict situations, reflect on the individual with whom you are in conflict. If a relationship is “less strong, reflect and identify one (or – even better – two or three) characteristics admired or appreciated in the other person. By expressing gratitude for these aspects of the person, and by focusing attention on these aspects, an anchor can be provided which may allow the relationship to develop . . .” (Passmore, & Oades, (2016).<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Consistent daily choices change our connectedness and confidence, </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman", serif;">and begin in our thoughts. </span><br />
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Elder David A. Bednar, of the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, teaches:<br />
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“Ordinary people who faithfully, diligently, and consistently do simple things that are right before God will bring forth extraordinary results" (Bednar, BYU’s 2011 Women’s Conference).<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">RESOURCES</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Allemand, M., & Hill, P. L. (2016). Gratitude From Early Adulthood to Old Age. <i>Journal Of Personality</i>, <i>84</i>(1), 21-35.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Bednar, D. A. (2011). Small and simple things. <i>BYU Women’s Conference</i> Retrieved from <a href="https://www.lds.org/church/news/elder-david-a-bednar-teaches-about-the-spiritual-pattern-of-small-and-simple-things?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/church/news/elder-david-a-bednar-teaches-about-the-spiritual-pattern-of-small-and-simple-things?lang=eng</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Benzo, R. P., Abascal-Bolado, B., & Dulohery, M. M. (2016). Quality of life: Self-management and quality of life in chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD): The mediating effects of positive affect. <i>Patient Education And Counseling</i>, <i>99</i>617-623. doi:10.1016/j.pec.2015.10.031<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Carr, D., Morgan, B., & Gulliford, L. (2015). Learning and teaching virtuous gratitude. <i>Oxford Review Of Education</i>, <i>41</i>(6), 766-781.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">CHIH-CHE, L. (2015). IMPACT OF GRATITUDE ON RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT AND EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING. <i>Social Behavior & Personality: An International Journal</i>, <i>43</i>(3), 493-504.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Garland, E., Kiken, L., Faurot, K., Palsson, O., & Gaylord, S. (2017). Upward Spirals of Mindfulness and Reappraisal: Testing the Mindfulness-to-Meaning Theory with Autoregressive Latent Trajectory Modeling. <i>Cognitive Therapy & Research</i>, <i>41</i>(3), 381-392.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Holland, J. R. (2007, October). The tongue of angels. <i>LDS General Conference</i> Retrieved from <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/the-tongue-of-angels?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/the-tongue-of-angels?lang=eng</a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Holland, J. R. (2013, October). Like a broken vessel. <i>LDS General Conference</i> Retrieved from <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Hunt, C. S. (2016). Getting to the heart of the matter: Discursive negotiations of emotions within literacy coaching interactions. <i>Teaching And Teacher Education</i>, <i>60</i>331-343. doi:10.1016/j.tate.2016.09.004<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Kerr, S., O'Donovan, A., & Pepping, C. (2015). Can Gratitude and Kindness Interventions Enhance Well-Being in a Clinical Sample?. <i>Journal Of Happiness Studies</i>, <i>16</i>(1), 17-36.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Korb, A. P., & Siegel, D. J. (2015). <i>The upward spiral : using neuroscience to reverse the course of depression, one small change at a time</i>. Oakland, California : New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2015.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Larsen, D. L. (1976). Thoughts about thoughts. <i>BYU Speeches</i>. Retrieved from <a href="https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/dean-l-larsen_thoughts-thoughts/">https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/dean-l-larsen_thoughts-thoughts/</a><u><span style="color: #0563c1; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: hyperlink;"> </span></u><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih8XYiiBjTE">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih8XYiiBjTE</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">McMaster, C. W. (1969) IRI “Kindness Begins with Me,” <i>Children’s Songbook,</i> 145.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Passmore, J., & Oades, L. G. (2016). Positive psychology techniques – gratitude. <i>Coaching Psychologist</i>, <i>12</i>(1), 34-35.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Petrocchi, N., & Couyoumdjian, A. (2016). The impact of gratitude on depression and anxiety: the mediating role of criticizing, attacking, and reassuring the self. <i>Self & Identity</i>, <i>15</i>(2), 191-205.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Pohl, C. D. (2012). Recovering kindness: an urgent virtue in a ruthless world. <i>The Christian Century,</i> 129(22), 10-11.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Ramsey, M. A., & Gentzler, A. L. (2015). An upward spiral: Bidirectional associations between positive affect and positive aspects of close relationships across the life span. <i>Developmental Review</i>, <i>36</i>58-104. doi:10.1016/j.dr.2015.01.003<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Renshaw, T. L., & Olinger Steeves, R. M. (2016). What good is gratitude in youth and schools? A systematic review and meta-analysis of correlates and intervention outcomes. <i>Psychology In The Schools</i>, <i>53</i>(3), 286-305.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Rusk, R., Vella-Brodrick, D., & Waters, L. (2016). Gratitude or Gratefulness? A Conceptual Review and Proposal of the System of Appreciative Functioning. <i>Journal Of Happiness Studies</i>, <i>17</i>(5), 2191-2212. doi:10.1007/s10902-015-9675-z<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Singh, B., Salve, S., & Shejwal, B. R. (2017). Role of gratitude, personality, and psychological well-being in happiness among young adults. <i>Indian Journal Of Health</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-37145508769231091022017-11-17T21:45:00.000-08:002018-08-08T13:30:52.058-07:00SAMPLE 2: FAMILY LIFE COACHINGMINI WORKSHOP II: REORIENT<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYcUbFm8QhBjLFytJLNSYHRpB9Xejfd0qXYEYZwoJSuJgMP0p5x2C38u5ROut8eB-aVVHlUpBJJa5FvgL0DGMF8iO5bkdpE9wuTPNnIfhRP9L3UZ3VURL5LNHHT4oD3ZigyiKOseRzIWlf/s1600/business_card+szd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="800" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYcUbFm8QhBjLFytJLNSYHRpB9Xejfd0qXYEYZwoJSuJgMP0p5x2C38u5ROut8eB-aVVHlUpBJJa5FvgL0DGMF8iO5bkdpE9wuTPNnIfhRP9L3UZ3VURL5LNHHT4oD3ZigyiKOseRzIWlf/s320/business_card+szd.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
What are you avoiding?<br />
<br />
What if tomorrow that thing, or circumstance, <br />
or person changed - for the better? <br />
<br />
And the issue or problem no longer exists?<br />
<br />
What is the opposite?<br />
<br />
How can you approach<span style="font-size: xx-small;">1</span> instead of avoid?<br />
How can you achieve future positive outcomes?<br />
<br />
What do you want?<br />
<br />
No, not what you don't want.<br />
<br />
What DO you want!<br />
What can you do?<br />
Wait a minute, I didn't ask what you can't do.<br />
I asked what you can do!<br />
<br />
Approach <span style="font-size: xx-small;">1</span> goals bypass the pitfalls of avoidance <span style="font-size: xx-small;">2</span> .<br />
Focus on desires orients energy toward outcomes.<br />
<br />
Could Peter walk on water?<br />
Absolutely -<br />
even if it he only did it for a few steps!<br />
<br />
And, Peter walked during the height of the storm.<br />
"[H]e saw the wind boisterous ...."<br />
From then on, Peter could say, "Yes, I can!"<br />
And note, Jesus told him how to do it again.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/14.22-33?lang=eng#p21">Matthew 14:22-33</a></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Saint_Pierre_tentant_de_marcher_sur_les_eaux_by_Fran%C3%A7ois_Boucher.jpg">Saint PeterAttempting to Walk on Water</a><br />
François Boucher Cathédrale Saint-Louis (1766) <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Versailles,_Yvelines">Versailles</a></td></tr>
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In October 2012, President <a href="http://www.lds.org/church/leader/henry-b-eyring?lang=eng">Henry B Eyring</a>, taught:<br />
“The pavilion that seems to intercept divine aid does not cover God but occasionally covers us. God is never hidden, yet sometimes we are, covered by a pavilion of motivations that draw us away from God and make Him seem distant and inaccessible. . . . but we may be unwilling to listen or submit to His will and His time. . . . God is close to us and aware of us and never hides from His faithful children."<br />
<br />
“We remove the pavilion when we feel and pray, ‘Thy will be done’ and ‘in Thine own time.’ His time should be soon enough for us since we know that He wants only what is best.”<br />
<br />
"The Lord’s delays often seem long; some last a lifetime. But they are always calculated to bless. They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience. Although His time is not always our time, we can be sure that the Lord keeps His promises." (<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/where-is-the-pavilion?lang=eng">Where Is The Pavilion?</a>, 2012)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">1. Conoley, C. W., Plumb, E. W., Hawley, K. J., Spaventa-Vancil, K. Z., & Hernández, R. J. (2015). Integrating Positive Psychology Into Family Therapy: Positive Family TherapyΨ. Counseling Psychologist, 43(5), 703. doi:10.1177/0011000015575392 </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />
</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">2. <a href="http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.com/2011/04/approaching-happiness-importance-of.html">More reading</a> , resources, and other <a href="https://www.wanderlustworker.com/setting-s-m-a-r-t-e-r-goals-7-steps-to-achieving-any-goal/">possibilities</a> </span>Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-84558919399464659572017-11-10T11:22:00.000-08:002017-12-14T12:26:32.997-08:00SAMPLE 1: FAMILY LIFE COACHING<b>MINI WORKSHOP I </b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLkj3QZ7b1oWl5JRGdvIDRoccxOYyA-k6Zrx2M5brBumHM9ywCvgSQPHNKxtyvy3yKfhknXkPMC1IMrUzrBfgzxNu2oK87kDKuLMU7gB5S40skHB0wWodr46ZHK_Mt9EmmjiTqFYp0oUvc/s1600/business_card+szd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="800" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLkj3QZ7b1oWl5JRGdvIDRoccxOYyA-k6Zrx2M5brBumHM9ywCvgSQPHNKxtyvy3yKfhknXkPMC1IMrUzrBfgzxNu2oK87kDKuLMU7gB5S40skHB0wWodr46ZHK_Mt9EmmjiTqFYp0oUvc/s400/business_card+szd.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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1. Who is in your household now?<o:p></o:p></div>
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(Define your “family”.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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2. What specific desirable outcome for your family can you identify?<br />
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3. What are some ways you can track that outcome?<br />
I keep a journal where I write notes to myself.<br />
What are 5 ways to accomplish your outcome?</div>
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(These options can be fact, or fiction).</div>
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4. Which option – only one – can you apply?<br />
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If none of the 5 can be applied, what else might you try?<br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Who else can provide new insights?</span></div>
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5. What strategy can help you apply an option?<br />
One helpful method is <a href="https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/smart-goals.htm">SMART Goals</a>:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Specific (simple, sensible, significant).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Measurable (meaningful, motivating).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Achievable (agreed, attainable).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> <br /> timely, time-sensitive).</span> </li>
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<b>* </b>See also the <a href="http://hrweb.mit.edu/performance-development/goal-setting-developmental-planning/smart-goals">MIT version</a> or Abbey Rike's <a href="https://rockthis.org/organization/the-goal-setting-tip-that-changed-my-life">t.his blog</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>**</b> Another workable pattern is the <a href="https://www.prosci.com/adkar/adkar-model">ADKAR</a> change model.<br />
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Do you have another preference?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Please share it in “Comments” below<o:p></o:p><br />
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Elder Robert D. Hales, an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints taught, “Use your agency to develop yourself personally. . . [by letting] the Spirit guide you. ...<br />
<br />
"<b>Choose and act for yourself. Be motivated from within. </b>Make a plan for your life. . . . Explore interests and skills. Work and become self-reliant. Set goals, overcome mistakes, gain experience, and finish what you begin. . . . Be sure to participate . . . enjoy wholesome fun. . . .<br />
<br />
"Above all, have faith in the Savior! Fear not! As we diligently live the gospel, we become strong in the Lord. . . . In the strength of the Lord we are able to stand against any philosophy or creed that denies the Savior and contradicts the great, eternal plan of happiness for all of God’s children.” <a href="http://www.lds.org/church/leader/robert-d-hales?lang=eng">Robert D Hales</a>, “<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/stand-strong-in-holy-places?lang=eng">Stand Strong in Holy Places</a>,” April 2013</div>
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-65380943878698377992017-10-27T13:59:00.000-07:002017-11-23T21:57:10.538-08:00FAMILY LIFE COACH<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifejVFD6ZDeBI-Cd_j1oVaiwZC5ZnDf_eotTgtfUkqeK13hyM4MtjwDnPHrE34BF9WW2FVgoZ409DNwVrDDveLjBmY0TXVl0fOyLP6K3mvp1PMeF0GlKw-E3h8A9RiUx7ZB5ilxHZddkb8/s1600/business_card+szd.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="800" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifejVFD6ZDeBI-Cd_j1oVaiwZC5ZnDf_eotTgtfUkqeK13hyM4MtjwDnPHrE34BF9WW2FVgoZ409DNwVrDDveLjBmY0TXVl0fOyLP6K3mvp1PMeF0GlKw-E3h8A9RiUx7ZB5ilxHZddkb8/s400/business_card+szd.png" width="400" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "" "lucida handwriting" "" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><span style="color: #38761d;"> </span><span style="color: lime;">A Family Life Coach provides:</span></span><br />
<ul>
<li> reassurance</li>
<li>encouragement </li>
<li>a future focus.</li>
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Again, If you can walk on water, <br />
Why sink or swim? </div>
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<b><span style="color: orange; font-family: "" "lucida handwriting" "" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></b>(<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/14.29?lang=eng&clang=eng#p28">Matthew 14: 25-30</a>)<br />
<br />
When the <a href="https://quevivimoslivingquotes.blogspot.com/2014/05/why-sink-or-swim-walk-on-water.html">Lord commands</a>, and we <a href="https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-06-1300-peter-walks-on-water?lang=eng">focus on Him</a>,</div>
the seemingly impossible becomes possible.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">Walking on Water by<a href="http://brianjekelfineart.com/gallery:14822/show/cat:14829/"> Brian Jekel</a></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: lime; font-family: "lucida handwriting"; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-21563044327757411732017-09-28T11:10:00.000-07:002018-01-04T16:23:29.334-08:00FAMILY COACHING: CLIENT INVITATIONHEY COACH, What next ...<br />
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If you are thinking of a sports coach, think again.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje6tBTX0I9j3UBknVSYnK3yLrvqBvindgqVvqhMROudz6MDS1FsdATUhzkfBPuFJ6p7WxtkBjAvsUaeiCiMTMQCQX0umX0DkFkTfJnVNzkjXbryAQ8CWivM2j66dsqiLRDCoD8-Q3Z9Vt1/s1600/megaphone+go+team.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="163" data-original-width="310" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje6tBTX0I9j3UBknVSYnK3yLrvqBvindgqVvqhMROudz6MDS1FsdATUhzkfBPuFJ6p7WxtkBjAvsUaeiCiMTMQCQX0umX0DkFkTfJnVNzkjXbryAQ8CWivM2j66dsqiLRDCoD8-Q3Z9Vt1/s320/megaphone+go+team.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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This semester, learning Family Life Coaching skills that strengthen individuals and family relationships is an adventure. Volunteer clients will be clarifying objectives and exploring new options as we learn to make firm decisions, move past obstacles, and become accountable to act on choices.<br />
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Family Coaching, like all coaching professions, promotes confidence in the application of existing and acquired skills. The process is about developing goals you choose, defining your measures of success, and having coaching support to provide encouragement, focus and accountability.<br />
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Coaching is about you taking action to get where you want to be through personal exploration, goal setting, and consistent effort. A family coach provides reassurance and courage for today, with the impetus for you to focus forward on future aspirations and objectives.</div>
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Services offered by student coaches have <b>no fees</b> (even though typical fees, for professional family and life coaching services, vary in the range of $50 to $150+ per hour.</div>
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A pilot coach-training class, beginning September 2017, is accepting volunteers willing to receive short term services from mentored coaches-in-training. The services are provided on-line or face-to-face as available.</div>
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If you are willing to volunteer to help train new family coaches by receiving services without characteristic coaching fees, please text<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Linda Ames at 509-760-8719 <br />(or e-mail <a href="mailto:ame12004@byui.edu">ame12004@byui.edu</a>).</span></i><br />
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Please contact me if you have questions, or need more information.<br />
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-58388568210050391492017-08-25T22:37:00.001-07:002018-09-10T18:06:36.727-07:00ECLIPSE TAKE AWAYMonday, 21 August 2017<br />
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The day was warmish and sunny with clear skies here in central Washington.<br />
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In the early afternoon we saw part of the much talked about eclipse of the sun, and indeed, as explained <a href="https://petapixel.com/2012/05/21/crescent-shaped-projections-through-tree-leaves-during-the-solar-eclipse/">on the internet</a>, we did see crescent shaped shadows.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgErl7D3mRHIsjjbGBFW9jlf7ADSXO1BoumU5vnx_yV4ZZjnqn0hfQxZrFZQZL0N74T97KRKTdbn_5Q35M_hBoT6tBf_7xP6-EAuXPFD0I9hJUGZOf-1I5dkbaoVEtOeWbgDj0Qs-kPS-37/s1600/eclipse+szd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="583" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgErl7D3mRHIsjjbGBFW9jlf7ADSXO1BoumU5vnx_yV4ZZjnqn0hfQxZrFZQZL0N74T97KRKTdbn_5Q35M_hBoT6tBf_7xP6-EAuXPFD0I9hJUGZOf-1I5dkbaoVEtOeWbgDj0Qs-kPS-37/s640/eclipse+szd.jpg" width="465" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shadow of a hanging plant showing crescents on concrete step.</td></tr>
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David pointed out the lacy shadows on the porch from our hanging pots, and we snapped a few photos. Then, remembering I had heard to look under trees, I moved an outdoor table under a tree and to show the same crescents in the dappled shade.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0Uvuorj_HeChXEC3Xl-5k2X53cJsLHzwhpwJWPB74MA4Fgh1xS725aAy2yzfLRCYQZe8UnyD15ayXe27TRVnrdUPTWXlP008ujGZSDdktg6h4oQ34VU_QqWKFcG_uWuFNgEvSmUwewNWN/s1600/table+eclipse+shadows+szd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="579" data-original-width="800" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0Uvuorj_HeChXEC3Xl-5k2X53cJsLHzwhpwJWPB74MA4Fgh1xS725aAy2yzfLRCYQZe8UnyD15ayXe27TRVnrdUPTWXlP008ujGZSDdktg6h4oQ34VU_QqWKFcG_uWuFNgEvSmUwewNWN/s400/table+eclipse+shadows+szd.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Crescents in shade of a tree on an outdoor table.</td></tr>
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All that was fun, but not what I remember most.<br />
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As the sky dimmed, quite a bit, surprisingly,<br />
a <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/solar-eclipse-august-21-2017-temperatures-dropped/">sudden chill</a> permeated the air.<br />
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My husband said, "I almost want my jacket."<br />
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Of course it didn't last long, and in a few minutes the sun seemed hotter than before the eclipse, and for the rest of the day the air seemed generally much hotter, although by temperature measurements it really wasn't significantly different. (Strangely, to me it has seemed oddly 'hotter' all week.)<br />
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The thing I will always remember is the chill.<br />
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We know the sun provides light, heat, and energy, yet day in and day out we largely ignore it and take it for granted. It is simply there and we expect it to be there, and continue to be there, providing for our needs.<br />
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I pondered this attitude of entitlement.<br />
I wondered, what else do I take for granted?<br />
And I thought of all the people in my life.<br />
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I thought of strangers, and acquaintances,<br />
and especially of family.<br />
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I thought of my siblings, my parents,<br />
and my children — all my posterity.<br />
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Too often I neglect to be grateful for their presence on the planet.<br />
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Too often I neglect to be grateful and interested in the world and things around me, all the people, all the animals, all the plants, and all the ecosystems. What wonders I ignore — perhaps even, far too often — the creators of Heaven and Earth.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBdSTxEhzDw3jezV7GgtcorJnECpxhMVKX2szYndMCoyYG9WlLxZmxwOImIZPU97dBm8s9Wcvzj-AKOY9vOMLgFJZjX-lnooY1T42MgJgYbF89peOOg0s0S5n_1KLyxqJPv7Ar7zjvVmhS/s1600/eclipse2szd+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="598" data-original-width="800" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBdSTxEhzDw3jezV7GgtcorJnECpxhMVKX2szYndMCoyYG9WlLxZmxwOImIZPU97dBm8s9Wcvzj-AKOY9vOMLgFJZjX-lnooY1T42MgJgYbF89peOOg0s0S5n_1KLyxqJPv7Ar7zjvVmhS/s400/eclipse2szd+.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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God is real, and he loves his children — you and I!<br />
It is as simple and sure as the sun rising and setting.<br />
And as the seasons passing.<br />
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What else do I take for granted?<br />
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I particularly considered my spouse.<br />
I think I take him for granted every day.<br />
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That is my eclipse take away.<br />
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I am grateful for all the things my spouse does.<br />
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The more I considered what he does the more I realized how much I take him for granted. Yet I am very grateful for my spouse, for who he is, and what he is. . . for what he does, and even for what he doesn't do.<br />
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I'll climb down off my soap box now, but just think ...<br />
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What do you take for granted — like the sun?<br />
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<br />Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-63018203840372701462017-07-14T18:03:00.000-07:002017-07-24T23:06:22.532-07:00FAMILY RULES<div class="MsoNormal">
“Family rules are maintained and transmitted across generations on three levels: explicit, implicit, and intuitive” teaches Dr. Bernard E. Poduska, associate professor of family life at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, (p.27). </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">EXPLICIT RULES</span></b></div>
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A large poster, of a great variety of fresh vegetable and wholesome foods and grains, graced the wall behind our dining room table for many years. It was an <i>EXPLICIT</i> message impossible to ignore: this family loves vegetables.<br />
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It was a family rule; we mostly eat healthy foods. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7447hnG718CWvcFhQljt_YarTkJnFfvMLy0r3Z95B_ic_rdaOof4T-0x99QOfQpcsDTwzUetNm2GcWqsQUV2YfbZFe0wKla2W2jpA9xqvPsPMHLWRss60Y1hmKf3zbQpmJ41MyHBXDKYm/s1600/wholesome+foods+szd+no+bkgrd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="602" data-original-width="800" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7447hnG718CWvcFhQljt_YarTkJnFfvMLy0r3Z95B_ic_rdaOof4T-0x99QOfQpcsDTwzUetNm2GcWqsQUV2YfbZFe0wKla2W2jpA9xqvPsPMHLWRss60Y1hmKf3zbQpmJ41MyHBXDKYm/s400/wholesome+foods+szd+no+bkgrd.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Similar posters may be purchased at A<a href="http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Verdura-Fresca-Fresh-Vegetables-Still-Life-Art-Print-Poster-Posters_i8927689_.htm">ll Posters</a> on-line. </td></tr>
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It was discussed openly, and everyone knew the symbolism of that poster. <i>EXPLICIT</i> rules are the most obvious kinds. They are often written out, and placed prominently for all to see and remember: by the microwave or on the refrigerator, in a hallway, beside a light switch, or on a door. </div>
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Such messages also may carry implicit and/or intuitive messages.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We have other <i>EXPLICIT</i> messages written on sticky notes, or dry erase marker on the large mirror in our main bathroom. We call it our personal ‘Liahona” (see <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/16?lang=eng">1Nephi 16</a>).<br />
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The writing “change[s] from time to time” as prompts and quotes remind us to align our actions with our knowledge: </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihmMNc7RndkLiBFe0IPIMrg7T3krhO4YhBY6x-OZXGjKWBYwKXstiGhtxq_jGu38NaI-PJu-EMSQ-qOUA0dytaWYOdYtXC8akz9Y2PEZLGbbqJTcgx9wLzIa24fRaeLQCEmacHl_1VJwIY/s1600/believe+no+bkgrd.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="598" data-original-width="616" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihmMNc7RndkLiBFe0IPIMrg7T3krhO4YhBY6x-OZXGjKWBYwKXstiGhtxq_jGu38NaI-PJu-EMSQ-qOUA0dytaWYOdYtXC8akz9Y2PEZLGbbqJTcgx9wLzIa24fRaeLQCEmacHl_1VJwIY/s200/believe+no+bkgrd.png" width="200" /></a> “Look Ahead, and Believe”<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> (<a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/11/saturday-morning-session/look-ahead-and-believe?lang=eng">October 2013</a>, <a href="https://www.lds.org/church/leader/edward-dube?lang=eng">Edward Dube</a>, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> of the <a href="https://www.lds.org/church/leaders/quorums-of-the-seventy?lang=eng">Seventy</a>)</span>; </div>
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“Work Will Win,<br />
When Wishy Washy<br />
Wishing Won’t”<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> (Thomas S. Monson, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> <a href="https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/thomas-s-monson_great-expectations-2/">BYU Speeches, 11Jan 2009</a>)</span>; </div>
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“Replace Fear With Faith”<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/perfect-love-casteth-out-fear?lang=eng">April 2017</a>, Deiter F. Uchtdorf).</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">IMPLICIT RULES</span></b></div>
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When we were newlyweds, my husband David, arrived home from work early in the evening. I was prepared. A carefully planned supper simmered on the stove, with fresh bread just coming out of the oven. The table was set, the house tidy, and I had changed to a fresh blouse.<br />
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His key in the lock, and step on the landing alerted me that he was home. I finished turning the bread out of the baking pans, buttered the tops of the loaves, and placed the food in serving dishes. </div>
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From the doorway of our split level home, David called out his arrival, but never came down to the main floor. I knew how much he loved fresh-from-the-oven bread; how could he resist the aroma? I went up to tell him supper was getting cold. </div>
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I found him just getting into a steaming bath. When he arrived home from a tense, sweaty day at work he expected a leisurely soak, and an uninterrupted period of relaxation; “Could you scrub my back,” he asked hopefully. </div>
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I was astonished. Wasn’t he hungry?</div>
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Marriage blends rules and expectations from two cultures – two different family systems, and none of us “enter marriage empty handed; we carry a lot of ‘baggage’ with us” (Poduska, 2000, p.25). </div>
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Each of us were acting according to<i> IMPLICIT</i>, unspoken rules “taught through non-verbal communication” and learned “below conscious awareness,” about “every day kinds of issues” (Poduska, 2000, pp.27-28).<br />
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These lessons are “repeated throughout childhood” (p. 27). We all know where our father sits, and what to do (or avoid) if our mother cries.</div>
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David grew up in town, and his father worked in an office. He also served in Stake <span style="font-size: x-small;">[i]</span> and Ward (or<span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span>Branch) <a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2013%20lsn%2012/Family%20Rules.docx#_edn2" name="_ednref2" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 13.91px;">[ii]</span></span></span></a> leadership roles <a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2013%20lsn%2012/Family%20Rules.docx#_edn3" name="_ednref3" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 13.91px;">[iii]</span></span></span></a>. <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">In the evening, he might work around the house or yard, attend scheduled
meetings, relax visiting friends, or play with the children. </span><br />
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When David got home from work he wanted to immediately ‘clean-up,’ to be refreshed and ready for evening activities with friends and family. He was willing to delay supper enough to be refreshed, set aside the stresses of the day, and able to engage socially.</div>
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When my father got home from work he was often pressured for time, and needed to eat immediately. We lived on a small farm with animals and crops to care for before night fell.<br />
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The dirtiest and hardest part of his day began after supper, in the fields and barnyard. He did not need to clean up or rest. He needed food for impeding rigor. I understood this need and the unspoken sacrifices and rules effected by that need.<br />
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David and I had to discuss and negotiate our own 'family rules' and expectations.</div>
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“It is important that couples understand the rules that bias their perceptions” (Poduska, 2000. p. 30) because misunderstandings and hurt feelings may impose unexpected penalties. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Differences between husband and wife, “their irreverence toward or compliance with family rules … helps explain why some … in-law[s] are accepted … and others are not. The degree of harmony between a husband’s family rules and the wife’s family rules also greatly determines the degree of difficulty in adjusting to marriage” (p.31).</div>
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When expectations aren’t met, “the most frequent consequences” are “distancing by other family members” (p.30).</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">INTUITIVE RULES</span></b></div>
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The poster of fruits and vegetables in our dining room, represented not only an explicit rule, but also significant <i>INTUITIVE</i> family rules. As multi-generational members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we adhere to The Word of Wisdom, a health code revealed to Joseph Smith in 1833 <a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2013%20lsn%2012/Family%20Rules.docx#_edn4" name="_ednref4" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">[iv]</span></span></span></a>.</div>
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We abstain from using tobacco and alcohol, and hot drinks—specifically coffee and tea.<br />
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“… strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of [our] bodies.<br />
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And again, tobacco is not for the body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.<br />
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And again, hot drinks [coffee and tea] are not for the body or belly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And …all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used<span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span>with prudence and thanksgiving.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, … [are] ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly; …<o:p></o:p></div>
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All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life…<span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span> (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/89?lang=eng">Doctrine and Covenants 89:7-14</a>). </div>
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<b>INTUITIVE RULES,</b> usually unspoken, are more far reaching than<span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span>either <i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">explicit</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"> or <i>implicit </i></span>rules. They are “associated with … ethnic, religious, or vocational backgrounds” and are often “based on family heritage” with inherited “instinctive obligations” incorporating traditions and beliefs that one is expected to “pass on” to posterity (Poduska, p.28).</div>
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Although the poster in our dining room explicitly signified good health fostered by eating well, it also carried many other implications of physical health, religious teachings, and the habits and expectations of four and five generations of progenitors.<br />
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Both David and I brought these same <i>INTUITIVE</i> rules to our relationship, so we did not experience conflict.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Most families have hundreds of spoken and unspoken rules” (Poduska, p.29).</div>
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Dr. Poduska gives an example to illustrate:</div>
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A woman raised in a small Japanese village [develops qualities which can be directly] attributed to being Japanese. Similarly, a man raised in a small Swedish village would acquire rules that make him Swedish.</div>
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If both were to immigrate to the United States, they would take a great deal of their heritage with them and would need to adapt … in their new communities. (p.29)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Marriage entails similar adjustments. Rules from the past can play a significant role in how well marital identity is formed and adjustments to in-laws happen. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisQcYyHUlgkKHb5xFJxNBuoj4E61tNjHCrG4RD2xgcz5AmVNW4PikuSo2Vs5wLqZ35Y9Pg_9mZVU3hcQYfSnGuX_k-xxVbBVQDVPtV_ZghMbv8v1cmM3qeSZ_NCHneqrRH2HGUNAm7tRY5/s1600/Ashton+Marvin+J+tiny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="100" data-original-width="82" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisQcYyHUlgkKHb5xFJxNBuoj4E61tNjHCrG4RD2xgcz5AmVNW4PikuSo2Vs5wLqZ35Y9Pg_9mZVU3hcQYfSnGuX_k-xxVbBVQDVPtV_ZghMbv8v1cmM3qeSZ_NCHneqrRH2HGUNAm7tRY5/s1600/Ashton+Marvin+J+tiny.jpg" /></a><b>Elder Marvin J. Ashton</b>, an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1971-1994) taught, “Couples do well to immediately find their own home, separate and apart from that of the in-laws on either side … an independent domicile … governed by your decision, by your own prayerful consideration” (1974, as quoted by Harper and Olsen, 2005, p.328).</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgze0xbfGEu5JdzyrixD4DNNlZ6an468S1kv8GSYFKp3yOlTo_-78nWs1hHuJQ0v9O2kTlSY3d55SW9OSoQEoPfUbeAxxe4UrY_NQhKb-lV_SwsedbWKhnVGN9QUEyugHX26UIw5cAYRUZI/s1600/Spencer+W+Kimball+tiny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="100" data-original-width="80" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgze0xbfGEu5JdzyrixD4DNNlZ6an468S1kv8GSYFKp3yOlTo_-78nWs1hHuJQ0v9O2kTlSY3d55SW9OSoQEoPfUbeAxxe4UrY_NQhKb-lV_SwsedbWKhnVGN9QUEyugHX26UIw5cAYRUZI/s1600/Spencer+W+Kimball+tiny.jpg" /></a><b>Spencer W. Kimball,</b> <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">twelfth president of The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints (1973-1985), </span>gave couples similar counsel to “establish their own household, separate from their parents,” and added that married couples “should confide in and counsel with their spouses, … [and] any counsel from outside sources should be considered prayerfully by both spouses together” (as quoted by Harper and Olsen, 2005, p.328).<br />
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“One of the great gifts parents-in-law can give to their married children is to recognize early that they must help define and protect the boundary of [a] new couple” (p.328).<o:p></o:p></div>
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As a husband and wife separate “from families of origin,” it may help them ‘establish’ their own traditions and rules if they imagine “existing together inside an invisible fence,” where they have privacy to “share information and behavior with each other …[that] is not meant to be shared with others outside the fence—not with future children and certainly not with parents or parents-in-law” (p.328).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">EXPLAIN—BE CLEAR</span></b></div>
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“The more a person can learn and talk about the unspoken rules in the … spouse’s family, the easier it will be to [assimilate]. … The clearer family rules are the better, because new sons—or daughters-in-law can’t follow rules if they don’t understand them.” (Harper and Olsen, 2005, p.332).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Each couple must learn about the other’s family rules, examine what “to perpetuate or discard” (Poduska, p.33), and use “knowledge of [their] spouse’s rules … to express love and consideration in ways that can be more fully understood and appreciated by both” (p.32).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Inclusion, accepting and valuing differences, fosters fond family interactions. When fresh viewpoints are expected to enrich everyone, and “bring new perspectives” that enhance, balance, and even complete understanding (Harper and Olsen, 2005, p.330), family members look forward to building and perfecting relationships—relationships to last forever. <br />
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<b>REFERENCES</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">All Posters: http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Verdura-Fresca-Fresh-Vegetables-Still-Life-Art-Print-Poster-Posters_i8927689_.htm</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). <a href="https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/248814-Online.2017.Spring.FAML300.04/Course%20Files/Harper-In-Laws.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=X98yjgWkQNwYfPQ19JLgAJdiG&ou=248814" target="_blank">"Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families."</a> In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), <i>Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World"</i> (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Poduska, B. (2000). <a href="https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/248814-Online.2017.Spring.FAML300.04/Course%20Files/Poduska%2c%20Ch.%202-1.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=X98yjgWkQNwYfPQ19JLgAJdiG&ou=248814" target="_blank">Till Debt do us Part, (Chapter 2).</a> Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Poduska, B. (2000). <a href="https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/248814-Online.2017.Spring.FAML300.04/Course%20Files/Poduska%2c%20Ch.%2011.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=X98yjgWkQNwYfPQ19JLgAJdiG&ou=248814" target="_blank">Till Debt do us Part, (Chapter 11).</a><i> </i>Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2013%20lsn%2012/Family%20Rules.docx#_ednref1" name="_edn1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 17.12px;">[i]</span></span></span></a> <a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/stake?lang=eng">Stake</a>: An organizational unit, often geographically based, in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is usually composed of 5 -10 congregations. (see <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/54.2">Isaiah 54:2</a> "enlarge the place of thy tent; stretch forth the curtains of thine habitation; spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes").<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2013%20lsn%2012/Family%20Rules.docx#_ednref2" name="_edn2" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 17.12px;">[ii]</span></span></span></a> <a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/church-organization/how-the-church-is-organized?lang=eng&old=true">Ward</a>: “Large congregations (approximately 300 or more members) are called wards, in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Smaller congregations are called branches. A ward is led by a bishop and two counselors, who constitute a bishopric. Branches are led by a branch president and two counselors.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2013%20lsn%2012/Family%20Rules.docx#_ednref3" name="_edn3" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 17.12px;">[iii]</span></span></span></a> The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has lay leadership, unpaid members of the congregations who volunteer their time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2013%20lsn%2012/Family%20Rules.docx#_ednref4" name="_edn4" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 17.12px;">[iv]</span></span></span></a> This health code is found in <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/89?lang=eng">Doctrine and Covenants Section 89</a> of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.<br />
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-4895843379441372982017-07-08T09:33:00.000-07:002018-11-29T14:31:53.928-08:00POWER: GIVE AND TAKE<h1>
<span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121?lang=eng">D&C
121:41-46</a></span><span style="font-size: small;"><i>“[P]ower or influence can or ought to be maintained… only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge … [and] also be full of charity towards all … [yet] let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; … [so] The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion…”</i></span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: large;">FAMILY DYNAMICS</span><o:p></o:p></h1>
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Two grandchildren, age 9 and 5, visited over July 4<sup>th</sup>.
I’ll call them Sister Sue and Brother Bob. Sue was baptized and confirmed<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2012%20lsn%2011/Blog%20post%20shortened%20draft.docx#_edn1" name="_ednref1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[i]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> recently, and is learning
many new lessons about following the spirit—using her newly confirmed “Gift of
the Holy Ghost.’ Bob has a knack for eliciting a ‘darling-baby’ response in
many interactions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Big-sister Sue, often rushes to ‘save’ little Bob—from
everything exciting or traumatic—especially exciting things she wants to do.
Bob gets very frustrated at constant interference—after all, he is a ‘big boy.’
Sue know exactly how to (though appearing innocent), frustrate Brother Bob
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Bob, on the other hand, takes advantage of sympathies to push
until Sister Sue lashes out, or plots revenge. He seems adept at creating a
climate of ‘poor-me-bullied-by-her.’<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Power struggles common to childhood, may linger in some
adults as acquired habits which lock them into constant angst and conflict. Attempting
to describe lead-up and fallout of such events is lengthy, but they usually
occur in microseconds.<br />
<br />
I observed such an incident develop and diffuse, <br />
almost
before I realized it was occurring. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While visiting an Aunt and cousins, Sister Sue was trying
very hard to be a ‘model-perfect-good girl.’ As Suzy sat on a stool eating, Bob
repeatedly walked past and around, just close enough to bump her, as he
‘innocently’ got drinks and snacks. <o:p></o:p></div>
<h1>
<span style="font-size: large;">PREVENTION</span><o:p></o:p></h1>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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</div>
<br />
In my experience, the adage “an ounce of prevention is worth
a pound of cure” discloses great truth. We’ve tried to teach our children (and
now grandchildren) to ‘boss’ themselves, not others. Sister Sue was soon
steaming, and plotting. I could see it in her face and ready-to-swing fists
should he again came too close. As I began to wonder about how to prevent a
blow-out, I saw him coming again—and so did she. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I watched in the helpless fascination of time slowed to
freeze-frame-jerks, and saw something unexpected. I saw her flinch as if to
strike, but she didn’t. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
I’d overheard loving parents teaching kindness, and listening to promptings. I realized that discussion was influencing her—Bob walked away completely oblivious to what occurred.<br />
<div>
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">WHO'S THE BOSS?</span></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In his 2008 article, “Who Is The Boss?” Richard B. Miller,
PhD, Director of the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University, taught
the power of parents working together to teach true principles. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quoting several
prominent authorities he reinforced that “setting
limits to what a child can do means …you love him and respect him.” When we “in
our affection … dare not check [children] in a wayward course, [or] in<span style="font-family: "timesnewromanps-italicmt" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span>wrong-doing … for fear of offending them” we
do them a disservice. He clarified that parents should “not be afraid to set clear moral standards
and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiasv6Z3Ffw0mAwLJWdBFjyuaWJe7EslUp1RsIn70qtrOY6yytBONPPqKpnyYAvgRa_xE2pT4lbrBQGckn0RJsPwHiQJ2NMglXwsjGaYDkBHDEgvSo5G5Eqd02SZWmuJGg9ravWIOQuEAjz/s1600/hugs+bdgrd+no.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="405" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiasv6Z3Ffw0mAwLJWdBFjyuaWJe7EslUp1RsIn70qtrOY6yytBONPPqKpnyYAvgRa_xE2pT4lbrBQGckn0RJsPwHiQJ2NMglXwsjGaYDkBHDEgvSo5G5Eqd02SZWmuJGg9ravWIOQuEAjz/s320/hugs+bdgrd+no.png" width="161" /></a>I called Sister Sue’s name, and motioned her to come for a
hug. She did, and cried a little. The effort had been huge. I told her she is
an amazing big sister to kindly ignore Bob when he is trying to bug her.<br />
<br />
I
asked how she felt. “Good,” she replied, reinforcing that she can feel and heed
spiritual promptings.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Without knowing it, she felt powerful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-control is one of the greatest powers we can
develop. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later I made sure to tell her parents (in her hearing),
about her inherent goodness and desire to do what is right. Telling others what
they do right, and thanking them for it validates their strengths and increases
their inner motivation to continue. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nevertheless, later the same evening, Sue tormented Bob while
they brushed teeth at the same time. I failed to realize she was blocking him
from the sink, and his mouth was full of toothpaste foam. He was whining
without words, and I wondered why he was walking back and forth, back and
forth, first on one side and then the other. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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When I caught on, I asked her to
make sure he could use the sink, and she appeared to stand to one side, but
straddled her feet so he still had difficulty getting to the sink. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sheesh!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rather than making a bigger issue of her efforts to be
‘innocently inconsiderate,’ I complimented his cooperation, and willingness to
try to get along by using either side. Seeming to give in (to Sue) by adjusting
his own actions, gave Bob greater choices than fighting her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These dynamics of power can be seen in marriage and family
relationships of all types. Dr. Miller’s research reveals that “power is made
up of two major components …</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">the process of power, where one [person]… tends to
dominate [interactions, or fail to] listen</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">[and] power outcome, which is determined by
which [person] tends to get their way….”</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
When
I complimented Brother Bob's willingness to get along in peace, she put her feet together,
both finished their teeth, and we had lots of time to read stories.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQkuee-XoPGsc38CNcb2fPJ2aP2AvkJorqU1U5itSgY3A3QXyDoe5nMjcvhN-7wj1uFPO0bGOS-YLGHdghMRmCoU195UXtLk7sGzcXy9iCffxiQud43nTUDaTCdNLo_hUzAvZiaWXXS_Je/s1600/Stories+No+bgrd.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="590" data-original-width="767" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQkuee-XoPGsc38CNcb2fPJ2aP2AvkJorqU1U5itSgY3A3QXyDoe5nMjcvhN-7wj1uFPO0bGOS-YLGHdghMRmCoU195UXtLk7sGzcXy9iCffxiQud43nTUDaTCdNLo_hUzAvZiaWXXS_Je/s400/Stories+No+bgrd.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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If we notice good, others are motivated to align actions and
behaviors toward more good. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 1998, while serving in the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Elder Henry B
Eyring taught that God “placed in His children a desire to live at peace with
all those around them.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">FALSE POWER:
CONTENTION</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eyring reminded listeners that “Satan, [our] enemy … plants
the seeds of discord in human hearts” because he knows the plan of happiness
for God’s children and “knows that only in eternal life can those sacred,
joyful associations of families endure.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMbmA2mhPil-hF-yA3Yyx6N8E-0vBeY2xnGJn0-eVP9pyJo4UStqiHyVp996z0p4hEiJgSY4wm_ng_TyvCGRgQ4NOSar5RlMG_hb8tXEmWPiIhdOzlTbrCPglZECRSo5ICkgKQ6ASVtr0p/s1600/Benson+Ezra+Taft.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="593" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMbmA2mhPil-hF-yA3Yyx6N8E-0vBeY2xnGJn0-eVP9pyJo4UStqiHyVp996z0p4hEiJgSY4wm_ng_TyvCGRgQ4NOSar5RlMG_hb8tXEmWPiIhdOzlTbrCPglZECRSo5ICkgKQ6ASVtr0p/s200/Benson+Ezra+Taft.png" width="148" /></a>Satan's intent is to cause misery by damaging
family relationships. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we fail to follow Jesus Christ’s example, we give Satan power </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“to reign over us,” cautioned Ezra Taft Benson <span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2012%20lsn%2011/Blog%20post%20shortened%20draft.docx#_edn2" name="_ednref2" title="">[ii]</a> </span></span></span>(thirteenth president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; 1985-1994), in his April 1986 Conference address, and again in 1989 </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can we thwart the adversary’s power and make peace? <o:p></o:p></div>
<h1>
<span style="font-size: large;">SEE GOOD, SPEAK WELL</span></h1>
<h1>
<o:p></o:p></h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Elder Eyring teaches that peace and unity come as we “see
the good in each other and speak well of each other whenever we can.” He
reminds us:<br />
<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-017FAgGal8PqU8tB4Ni_Dogjrkt-hdiMXFXP08EymlygIwp-cblA-TWXaMEfNOek59CYcT0RhDEH9j0uORaU8Vp48qWgMrXk8RslC2g4WU-1Quwbd0A0VDkmD0SEGMFm8uBwD8MZ5-nz/s1600/henry-b-eyring-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="267" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-017FAgGal8PqU8tB4Ni_Dogjrkt-hdiMXFXP08EymlygIwp-cblA-TWXaMEfNOek59CYcT0RhDEH9j0uORaU8Vp48qWgMrXk8RslC2g4WU-1Quwbd0A0VDkmD0SEGMFm8uBwD8MZ5-nz/s200/henry-b-eyring-large.jpg" width="160" /></a>There are some commandments which, when broken, destroy
unity. Some have to do with what we say and some with how we react to what
others say. … </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
[For] unity, there are commandments we must keep concerning
how we feel. We must forgive and bear no malice toward those who offend us. The
Savior set the example from the cross: “Father, forgive them; for they know not
what they do” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/23.34?lang=eng#p33">Luke 23:34</a>).
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
We do not know the hearts of those who offend us. Nor do we
know all the sources of our own anger and hurt. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
The Apostle Paul was telling us
how to love in a world of imperfect people, including ourselves, when he said, 'Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not
itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own,
is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil' (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/13.4-5?lang=eng#p3">1 Cor. 13:4–5</a>).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
And then he gave solemn warning against reacting to the
fault of others and forgetting our own …” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/13.12?lang=eng#p11">1 Cor. 13:12</a>).</div>
Elder Eyring explains further that the power of unity and peace come to us through the spirit.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br />
The Holy Ghost is a sanctifier. We can have it as our companion
because the Lord restored the Melchizedek Priesthood through the Prophet Joseph
Smith. The keys of that priesthood are on the earth today. By its power we can
make covenants which allow us to have the Holy Ghost constantly.</div>
<div class="MsoBlockText">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect
harmony. The Spirit … never generates contention (see <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/11.29?lang=eng#p28">3 Ne. 11:29</a>).
It never generates the feelings of distinctions between people which lead to
strife (see Joseph F. Smith, <i>Gospel Doctrine, </i>13th ed. [1963], 131). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: .5in; margin-top: 0in;">
It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with
others. It unifies souls. A unified family, a unified Church, and a world at
peace depend on unified souls.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">A CHILD CAN</span></b><br />
<br />
Elder Eyring reminds us that accessing the Holy Ghost as a
companion is so simple that “a child can understand what to do.” We make and
keep baptismal covenants to remember Jesus Christ and be obedient to God’s
commandments, to “always have his Spirit to be with [us]” </div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
(D&C 20:77).</div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sister Sue tells me it’s sometimes hard to hear the spirit,
that it is very quiet, and that she is practicing listening still. I am
humbled.<br />
<br />
I am practicing, too. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>REFERENCES</b></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Ballard,
M. R. (1997). <i>Counseling with our councils: learning to minister together in
the church and in the family</i>. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Christensen,
Joe J. (1993). “<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2012%20lsn%2011/Joe%20J.">Rearing children in a polluted environment</a>”
retrieved from <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/10/rearing-children-in-a-polluted-environment?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/10/rearing-children-in-a-polluted-environment?lang=eng</a>
6 July 2017. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Eyring,
Henry B. "<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/that-we-may-be-one.p11?lang=eng">That
we may be one</a>" <i>Ensign May 1998, 66.</i> The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints, May 1998. Retrieved from <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/that-we-may-be-one.p11?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/that-we-may-be-one.p11?lang=eng</a>
06 July 2017.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Miller,
Richard B. <a href="https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/248814-Online.2017.Spring.FAML300.04/Course%20Files/Rick%20Miller-Power.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=tDt9n4YyPvOxZzRIQIPfjdTSI&ou=248814" target="_blank">“Who is the boss? Power relationships in families.”</a> BYU
Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University, March 28, 2009.</span><u><o:p></o:p></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2012%20lsn%2011/Blog%20post%20shortened%20draft.docx#_ednref1" name="_edn1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[i]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>
<a href="https://www.lds.org/manual/family-guidebook/priesthood-ordinances-and-blessings?lang=eng&_r=1">Baptism
followed by confirmation</a> as a member of the Church also confers The Gift of
the Holy Ghost. <o:p></o:p><br />
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President Ezra Taft Benson delivered "<b>Cleansing the Inner Vessel</b>" <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1986/04/cleansing-the-inner-vessel?lang=eng">April
1986</a>. And then reiterated and expanded his teachings <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng">April
1989</a> when he requested Gordon B. Hinckley, first counselor in the
First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to read “<a href="http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-05-1307-teachings-of-ezra-taft-benson-pride?lang=eng"><b>Beware
of Pride</b>”</a> in his behalf.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-47531577641691311832017-07-03T08:21:00.000-07:002017-07-10T10:31:06.269-07:00POSITIVE PURPOSES<div style="margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">“We believe ….”</span></b><br />
Basic beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, are outlined in 13 brief statements called “The Articles of Faith.” Twelve of the 13 statements begin with these same two words: “We believe ….”</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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With this as context, an anecdote related by Brent A. Barlow, an associate professor of Family Science at BYU, is most amusing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As a young missionary for the LDS Church, he and his companion “met a Protestant minister who invited [them] in out of the cold. After exchanging points of view on various topics, he asked [them], ‘And what is the Mormon attitude towards sexuality?’”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The young, unmarried Elder was speechless and sure his new companion, also single, “knew next to nothing on the matter.” However, when the minister inquired a second time, his companion “finally said, ‘Sir, we believe in it.’” (Ensign, September 1986).<o:p></o:p></div>
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My husband and I may laugh about this story for a long time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We believe in it too!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">STEWARDSHIPS OF SEXUALITY </span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Sometimes people are embarrassed to openly discuss, </div>
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or learn about, human sexuality.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Research psychologist and author, Dr. Sean E. Brotherson, describes this lack of literacy regarding sexuality in his 2003 Meridian Magazine article, “<a href="http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Stewardship.htm">Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage.</a>” He recounts, “President Hugh B. Brown, who served as a counselor in the First Presidency, wrote the following about sexual intimacy in his book <i>You and Your Marriage</i>:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned. The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of. It is God-given and has a high and holy purpose … We want our young people to know that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage. There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose. (<span style="font-size: x-small;">Bookcraft, 1960, pp. 73, 76</span>).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Dr. Brotherson reports two significant parts of what many people learn;<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span>the <b>ignorance</b> and hype of misguided and misinformed sensual images and expressions which “distort” or “sensationalize sexual intimacy,”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span>and the <b>inhibitions</b> imposed by “powerful and compelling warnings … seek[ing] to steer us away from pornography, sexual exploitation, and immorality in sexual matters” (2003).</div>
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He also outlines a “seldom heard or discussed" third part,<br />
the <b>positive purposes </b>of intimacy, as<br />
<ul>
<li>the dialogue about the sanctity, power and emotional depth of proper sexual intimacy in the companionship of a married husband and wife.” </li>
</ul>
If this third element is overlooked, “we may come to believe that the only kind of discussion about sexuality that is warranted is the dialogue about [temptations and taboos]” (2003).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLm1fS7F8n7-ELh7XeP5jVxOpEBhOmIUtGY7Q2POJtECIvkH7OBySUYOUYSiwrFk84EHAaWO8OR13B6Mad8S_FcXqjs4xLWh2lGEu5b9F-kk7XidGos9r81z0OgI16DW6YbVOP8F82uSyL/s1600/Benson+Ezra+Taft.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="593" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLm1fS7F8n7-ELh7XeP5jVxOpEBhOmIUtGY7Q2POJtECIvkH7OBySUYOUYSiwrFk84EHAaWO8OR13B6Mad8S_FcXqjs4xLWh2lGEu5b9F-kk7XidGos9r81z0OgI16DW6YbVOP8F82uSyL/s200/Benson+Ezra+Taft.png" style="cursor: move;" width="148" /></a></div>
<b>Ezra Taft Benson</b>, as President of the Quorum of the Twelve (1973-1985) taught: “Today, with the abundance of [information] available … Feed only on the best. As John Wesley’s mother counseled him: ‘Avoid whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish for spiritual things, … [or] increases the authority of the body over the mind’” (“In His Steps,” in 1979 Devotional Speeches of the Year [1980], 61). (Lesson 23, SS manual).<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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As a young man, engaged to be married, answers for many of Brotherson’s own questions were determined in part by talking with his mother and aunt. After some private reading<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2011%20lsn%2010/Postive%20Purpose.docx#_edn1" name="_ednref1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">[i]</span></span></span></a> about <span style="font-family: "times" , serif;">intimacy in marriage</span> he “asked what that experience was really supposed to be like. [His] mother laughed and said that sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was just a willingness to love. [He] still think[s] that's about the best answer [he has] ever heard on that question” (2003).<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">ASK AND ANSWER</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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My father taught that physical intimacy between a man and woman is sacred, not secret, and should always be a very personal demonstration of affection as each give of themselves in ways learned and shared only between them, within the permanence of marriage. He taught that genuine intimacy involves every aspect of a person; the spiritual and emotional as well as the physical; the joining of two minds, and two hearts, not just two bodies.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dr. Brotherson affirms this sacred unity by quoting the teachings of President <b>Harold B. Lee</b>, </span>eleventh president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1972 -1973)<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlemfzX7Siui9KL8o55QSOJcQWZc-a8SLVxFgf_edz54jh7VPmBaYM48t8F_ESN7vHYidfUy9ezn-YK8K-tm3Gm_on8WvsKoXOsdbyP62-2AYs0J8jhTH6oPddt7qn2eqWz-JJits9uJEg/s1600/harold-b-lee-82955-gallery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="447" data-original-width="356" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlemfzX7Siui9KL8o55QSOJcQWZc-a8SLVxFgf_edz54jh7VPmBaYM48t8F_ESN7vHYidfUy9ezn-YK8K-tm3Gm_on8WvsKoXOsdbyP62-2AYs0J8jhTH6oPddt7qn2eqWz-JJits9uJEg/s200/harold-b-lee-82955-gallery.jpg" width="158" /></a>The divine impulse within every true man and woman that impels companionship with the opposite sex is intended by our Maker as a holy impulse for a holy purpose, not to be satisfied as a mere biological urge or as a lust of the flesh in promiscuous associations, but to be <a href="http://quevivimoslivingquotes.blogspot.com/2013/07/we-believe-in-being-chaste-summary.html">reserved</a> as an expression of true love in holy wedlock. (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 2000, p. 112; emphasis added)</div>
“<a href="https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng">A Parent’s Guide</a>,” one of my favorite Latter-day Saint resource manuals, assists parents to answer searching questions about intimacy in sensitive and appropriate ways. It reminds us:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Both husbands and wives have physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual need associated with this sacred act. They will be able to complement each other in the marriage relationship if they give tender, considerate attention to these needs of their partner. Each should seek to fulfill the other’s needs rather than to use this highly significant relationship merely to satisfy his or her own passion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Couples will discover differences in the needs or desires each partner has for the relationship, but when each strives to satisfy the needs of the other these differences need not present a serious problem. Remember, this intimate relationship between husband and wife was established to bring joy to them. An effort to reach this righteous objective will enable married couples to use their complementary natures to bring joy to this union (chapter 6).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBx1LnzGr40BQzayqyG8yBv1gm0NQgJz8-QJRcrn_lepvwNrjU-kPE4oVuMuarSz_Dn4e_haTxn_Li3X4CpQy2ng2kVWO6jlUrapVMQAZs_aDNEB9-PFRIoDFmG5At7I9q-EQPHGMXm_RY/s1600/A+Parents+Guide.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="348" data-original-width="266" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBx1LnzGr40BQzayqyG8yBv1gm0NQgJz8-QJRcrn_lepvwNrjU-kPE4oVuMuarSz_Dn4e_haTxn_Li3X4CpQy2ng2kVWO6jlUrapVMQAZs_aDNEB9-PFRIoDFmG5At7I9q-EQPHGMXm_RY/s400/A+Parents+Guide.jpg" width="305" /></a></div>
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My parents were open and frank. I knew I could ask them anything I was curious or concerned about, and they would answer my questions. The human body, with all its functions was not a forbidden topic.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I have eyes and ears, fingers and toes, and many other body parts. Some are visible and others are sacred and private. It is important to care for and know about the proper use and purpose of all parts of my body.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">TEACHINGS of PROPHETS</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b>Spencer W. Kimball</b>, twelfth president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1973-1985), taught:<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizgWz15NlknSa6_WS8E42ryZC1RT3m63vOU9Q7Pu-4kdQWn1-wbQk-x5nj6Rn0tSSpDLMAPdMFnJGHlLqB5qi1enzDBLHLQeiYZEu-AMtPaCGo-i8cq_0hyjD3kHIWM930dgQrUjKnZ0gc/s1600/Spencer+W+Kimball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="160" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizgWz15NlknSa6_WS8E42ryZC1RT3m63vOU9Q7Pu-4kdQWn1-wbQk-x5nj6Rn0tSSpDLMAPdMFnJGHlLqB5qi1enzDBLHLQeiYZEu-AMtPaCGo-i8cq_0hyjD3kHIWM930dgQrUjKnZ0gc/s200/Spencer+W+Kimball.jpg" width="160" /></a>The union of the sexes, husband and wife (and only husband and wife), was for the principal purpose of bringing children into the world. Sexual experiences were never intended by the Lord to be a mere plaything or merely to satisfy passions and lusts. We know of no directive from the Lord that proper sexual experience between husbands and wives need be limited totally to the procreation of children, but we find much evidence from Adam until now that no provision was ever made by the Lord for indiscriminate sex (1975).<o:p></o:p></div>
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We urge, with Peter, ‘…Abstain from fleshy lusts, which war against the soul.’ (1 Pet. 2 :11) No indecent exposure or pornography or other aberrations to defile the mind and spirit. No fondling of bodies, one’s own or that of others, and no sex between persons except in proper marriage relationships. This is positively prohibited by our creator in all places, at all times, and we reaffirm it. Even in marriage there can be some excesses and distortions. No amount of rationalization to the contrary can satisfy a disappointed Father in heaven (1974).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 5pt 0.5in;">
<b><i>Sex is for procreation and expression of love</i></b><i>. </i>It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love (1982).</div>
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To me, the creation of another human being—part of each spouse united in a child—is the ultimate expression of the wholeness and permanence of marriage and sexual intimacy.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">IDEALS</span></b></div>
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<br />
Although marriage and family relationships in this world may be imperfect, there is an ideal; God is an omnipotent father, and we are His children—children of a Heavenly Father and Mother—a perfect pattern.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Howard W Hunter, fourteenth president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1994-1955), taught:<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs8N7Yo9ZYinCbVQVdoOXnjZHejeXb3LdUetCLzCe184isdnMgc4XdHulpsgV5GQkZsD5lOjs_Rkvat-_jPtL7zExZktdwKH8srhoydeDYezh5vXe7WLur9miGPmvNefnad1zFHsBKuYD2/s1600/580-howard-w-hunter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="264" data-original-width="198" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs8N7Yo9ZYinCbVQVdoOXnjZHejeXb3LdUetCLzCe184isdnMgc4XdHulpsgV5GQkZsD5lOjs_Rkvat-_jPtL7zExZktdwKH8srhoydeDYezh5vXe7WLur9miGPmvNefnad1zFHsBKuYD2/s200/580-howard-w-hunter.jpg" width="150" /></a>“Tenderness and respect–never selfishness–must be the guiding principles in <br />
the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord” (1994). </div>
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God provides commandments, and promises that we can learn to live in love and happiness.</div>
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Do we always succeed?<br />
No! We’re practicing.<br />
We often feel far from our ideal.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When we married, my husband placed his hands on my shoulders and held me at arm’s length as if to memorize every feature of my face.<br />
I laughed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuTFvdjvv9tBi4l6oiM9m_IPmWj-cdEpRmwka36_uQqoCfRm0yoDLOPn0E7oq8-JyH_IwNHmUt4zhzoxwLVX1SDKTfGArEEpdOV3sWc5Cr4D_0xbAzTrsxL7QecXd2P1scyJDRMs0VrRL9/s1600/81+dl+wdg+edit+6+szd+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="527" data-original-width="800" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuTFvdjvv9tBi4l6oiM9m_IPmWj-cdEpRmwka36_uQqoCfRm0yoDLOPn0E7oq8-JyH_IwNHmUt4zhzoxwLVX1SDKTfGArEEpdOV3sWc5Cr4D_0xbAzTrsxL7QecXd2P1scyJDRMs0VrRL9/s400/81+dl+wdg+edit+6+szd+%25282%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">This is his favorite picture. </td></tr>
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Myself, I like the photo of us side by side, ready to walk forward together, focused on covenants to consecrate ourselves to each other, and only each other. Covenants and promises made in a house of God—a temple, with Heavenly Father, to build an eternal family—an ideal family.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Together, both perspectives contribute strength to our marriage; remembering, and moving forward ... holding tightly to covenants.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Can marriages and families become ideal? <o:p></o:p></div>
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Yes—and it may take time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/19.26?lang=eng#p25">Mathew 19:26</a>). </div>
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“If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/mark/9.23?lang=eng#p22">Mark 9:23</a>).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>REFERENCES</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Barlow, B. A. <a href="https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/23923-FTC_hanse229/Course%20Files/Twain%20Shall%20Be%20OneThoughts%20on%20Intimacy%20in%20Marriage.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=RkLCDsocLr4V3bDhWUte4ua9o&ou=248814" target="_blank">"They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on intimacy in marriage,"</a>: Thoughts on intimacy in marriage", <i>Ensign</i>, Sept 1986, 49.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Brotherson, S.E. (2003). <a href="https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/23923-FTC_hanse229/Course%20Files/Fulfilling%20the%20Sexual%20Stewardship%20in%20Marriage.docx?_&d2lSessionVal=RkLCDsocLr4V3bDhWUte4ua9o&ou=248814" target="_blank">"Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage."</a> <i>Meridian Magazine</i>, <a href="http://www.meridianmagazine.com/">www.meridianmagazine.com</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">President Howard W. Hunter, <i>Ensign</i>, Nov. 1994, 51<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Spencer W. Kimball, <i>Ensign, </i>May 1974, 7.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">President Spencer W. Kimball, “The Lord’s Plan for Men and Women,” <i>Ensign, </i>Oct. 1975, 4).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">President Spencer W. Kimball, <i>The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, </i>ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 311<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%2011%20lsn%2010/Postive%20Purpose.docx#_ednref1" name="_edn1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 13.91px;">[i]</span></span></span></a> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">Dr. Brotherson provides a reading list of “[q]uality resources on sexual fulfillment in marriage that most Latter-day Saints could comfortably read …. [T]here are some excellent sources of information that provide a sound starting point. These are well-written, practical guides on sexual intimacy for couples by a well-recognized sex therapist and his spouse.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Brotherson states, “I should note that these are not the only books on this topic, but from my perspective they will be comfortable and informative reading for any Latter-day Saint who wishes to pursue more understanding in this area. Additionally, many other books in the LDS marketplace that deal with marriage have one or more chapters dealing with the topic of sexual fulfillment in practical and insightful ways.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Six sources are listed here as a point of further reference:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">1 - <b><i>The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love</i> </b>by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. Excellent, Christian-based book on sexual love in marriage, frank and wholesome. Great for engaged or newlywed couples, as well as couples at any other stage of marriage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">2 - <b><i>Between Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy</i> </b>by Stephen Lamb and Douglas Brinley. Solid and interesting perspective on marital intimacy from a Latter-day Saint gospel perspective. Very good resource.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">3 - <i><b>Intended for Pleasure</b></i> by Ed Wheat. Book by a Christian MD and therapist with his wife, very insightful and well-done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">4 - <i><b>The Sex-Starved Marriage</b></i> by Michele Weiner Davis. Well-known therapist and marriage educator has written an engaging and positive book about dealing with sexual challenges in marriage. Brand new, a great read.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">5 - <b><i>Purity and Passion</i> </b>by Wendy Watson, a BYU professor and marital therapist whose book on intimacy is grounded in gospel understanding and purpose. Nice resource.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">6 - <b><i>Couple Sexual Awareness or Sexual Awareness: Couple Sexuality for the Twenty-first Century</i> or <i>Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages</i></b>, all by Barry and Emily McCarthy.</span></div>
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-88222194916752706702017-06-23T15:05:00.000-07:002017-07-04T15:07:39.163-07:00APPRECIATIVE PRAISE<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: medium;">“Marriage teaches you</span><br />
<ul>
<li>loyalty, </li>
<li>fo<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">rbearance, </span></li>
<li>self-restraint,</li>
<li>meekness,</li>
<li>and a great many other things you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single,” jokingly quotes Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, Professor of Family Life for the University of Arkansas, <br />in his book <i>Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage </i><br />(2007, p.129,<i> bullets mine)</i>.</li>
</ul>
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“The truth is different,” Goddard teaches. “We need those
qualities whether married or single ….”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2PnDMFVA-7IUKEvf4Lxe78Z7bpZrIdjEMG4S28nIpaarvdn3pLtJqW5RJ50lEgL4HcMIwdtpH7GYHPJ65mXOe1OT6OOHKPCd-Nc8gZx9IU2ZZY8uinmYSMe8XuVQdRFMTJHmTWtwTg_Sq/s1600/cantaloupe+halves.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="449" data-original-width="797" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2PnDMFVA-7IUKEvf4Lxe78Z7bpZrIdjEMG4S28nIpaarvdn3pLtJqW5RJ50lEgL4HcMIwdtpH7GYHPJ65mXOe1OT6OOHKPCd-Nc8gZx9IU2ZZY8uinmYSMe8XuVQdRFMTJHmTWtwTg_Sq/s400/cantaloupe+halves.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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My spouse, David, and I both love cantaloupe.</div>
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If one of us slices and peels it, cuts it into bite-sized chunks, and places it in the frig ‘ready-to-eat,’ we both enjoy it.</div>
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It is quickly consumed.</div>
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If not, sometimes the fruit spoils before it is eaten.</div>
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Recently, while pressed for time, I sliced off the end and ate it, but did not prepare the remaining fruit, except to remove the seeds and the pulp surrounding them. My husband, seeking a quick snack, opened the refrigerator and complained that it wasn’t prepared.</div>
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I reminded him it was seeded, and teasing him mildly, </div>
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suggested he thank me for seeding it.</div>
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He did.</div>
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Dr. John M Gottman, professor of psychology, bestselling author, and founder of the Gottman Institute, calls my husband’s kind response, and subsequent actions, a ‘repair attempt.’</div>
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“I feel lazy today,” David said. “I don’t feel like cutting
a whole slice.”<br />
But then he cut a slice, and ate it. I felt like he gave me a
small gift.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgShyphenhypheniRxEYjeUnm_QUkA-4m1F_KmpSssCJ1hEohtz8FG-r1heCgKe4M26wPIIMcSfHqIj4370cKFDqWT9GHmMQCMuUqBpTrxOD3rx4HxDCOO8ge1nIr3yFPV8Go-8fAhhL38oMzepZP0Sul/s1600/cantelope+slicing+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="599" data-original-width="800" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgShyphenhypheniRxEYjeUnm_QUkA-4m1F_KmpSssCJ1hEohtz8FG-r1heCgKe4M26wPIIMcSfHqIj4370cKFDqWT9GHmMQCMuUqBpTrxOD3rx4HxDCOO8ge1nIr3yFPV8Go-8fAhhL38oMzepZP0Sul/s400/cantelope+slicing+%25282%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
In his book, <i>The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work</i>, Gottman asserts that successful repair attempts are one of
the “primary factors in whether [a] marriage is likely to flourish” (p. 27) and
one of the most “important findings” from the “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oB6zNcLIH0">Love Lab</a>,” in
Seattle.<br />
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When we look for good, or accept influence from others, we
are “open to considering [their] position” (p. 184-185). <o:p></o:p><br />
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In other words we show charity toward them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<h1>
<span style="font-size: large;">
REJOICE IN WHAT’S RIGHT</span><o:p></o:p></h1>
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If we have “trained [our] mind to see what is wrong, what is
missing,” we fail to notice or “appreciate what is there,” and it is virtually
impossible to “rejoice in what’s right with [our spouse] or [our] marriage” (Gottman, p.283). <o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSl0vvw8EnR5d_QcUJrmfBt9-mFPhz4XGSHAHlQtCmeArWod7QxmuunJwASBVIxrdxErA3H_UsCNRfvTjrzmdrs4IbCCxgPixgODpZVSf8Irkc9I7MhG0Xi_VvZK6-J6jfRSdACuYyGQB9/s1600/cantaloupe+cubes.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="731" data-original-width="736" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSl0vvw8EnR5d_QcUJrmfBt9-mFPhz4XGSHAHlQtCmeArWod7QxmuunJwASBVIxrdxErA3H_UsCNRfvTjrzmdrs4IbCCxgPixgODpZVSf8Irkc9I7MhG0Xi_VvZK6-J6jfRSdACuYyGQB9/s200/cantaloupe+cubes.png" width="200" /></a>Dr. Gottman spells out that this “reflects what goes wrong<br />
85
percent of the time in marriages. … You are always on the lookout for what is
not there in yourself and your partner …<br />
and overlook the fine qualities that
are there—those we take for granted.<br />
<br />
The bowl of cantaloupe in my refrigerator provides a simple
example.<br />
<br />
Later that day, I peeled and cubed the melon.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Dr. Goddard quotes Elder Marvin J. Ashton, a Latter-day
Saint apostle of Jesus Christ, as he describes how to best effect charity:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each
other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each
other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and
shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down (p.110).</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_muwj8MJdYCZkM4CowLXjwcp10mv3foK_iM2qBGDBh4x1BFGharfU4lh6_XHgfjsLOV7ln2gsMZtmNs1UPVx9EdreXGNIiWnNDVXV06yVZJFGm-t3ppA9E9scHiTejMIT-R2Rt-oBdU2a/s1600/Ashton+Marvin+J+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="337" data-original-width="278" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_muwj8MJdYCZkM4CowLXjwcp10mv3foK_iM2qBGDBh4x1BFGharfU4lh6_XHgfjsLOV7ln2gsMZtmNs1UPVx9EdreXGNIiWnNDVXV06yVZJFGm-t3ppA9E9scHiTejMIT-R2Rt-oBdU2a/s200/Ashton+Marvin+J+%25282%2529.jpg" width="164" /></a></div>
Elder Ashton
continued<o:p></o:p></div>
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Charity … [is] resisting the impulse to become offended when
someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness
and being willing to forgive someone [including self] who has hurt us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Charity is expecting the best of each other (<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/the-tongue-can-be-a-sharp-sword?lang=eng">April, 1992</a>).<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Irritation can be our friend,” teaches Dr. Goddard. “It
alerts us to the risk … that something we are doing (or feeling, or saying) is
creating a sore” similar to having a pebble in our shoes (p.75). <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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It alerts us that change (and perhaps repentance) is needed.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_bQxBjRtGmYv55W9DNo44z8jsMIDlKFbdingnPMQ6W3kVgq-4XE5ByrQRnjYUb02lTmeP91nqoYro7EOsaFlnFU9nn1Cewe37yJh5CjiuRF_HGwTK_7tiDYnqqyv_WofOY9x9UCYwqgto/s1600/Goddard_H_Wallace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="378" data-original-width="575" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_bQxBjRtGmYv55W9DNo44z8jsMIDlKFbdingnPMQ6W3kVgq-4XE5ByrQRnjYUb02lTmeP91nqoYro7EOsaFlnFU9nn1Cewe37yJh5CjiuRF_HGwTK_7tiDYnqqyv_WofOY9x9UCYwqgto/s200/Goddard_H_Wallace.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
Dr. Goddard emphasizes,<br />
“We cannot fix our partners,”<br />
“We cannot even
fix ourselves!<br />
"But we can make ourselves humble” (p.143).<br />
“We must have divine help” (p.142).<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>GRIDLOCK</b></span><br />
<br />
When relationships have the same battles “again and again,” and nothing seems to have changed; when “neither of you” seem to have “humor,
empathy, or affection” as you discuss touchy topics; when you draw ever further
apart as you become “increasingly polarized;” and when “compromise” feels like
your “core …beliefs, values, or sense of self” are critically threatened; then
gridlock, a symptom of issues which are unlikely to be resolved, may be
occurring <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">(Gottman, p.237).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
Gridlock results when “<b><span style="color: lime;">certain types
of negativity</span></b> … run rampant” (Gottman, p.32). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<h1>
<span style="font-size: large;">
4 SPECIFIC NEGATIVITY TYPES</span><o:p></o:p></h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Complaints, defined as concerns about “a specific behavior
or event” become (or are interpreted as)<b>
<span style="color: lime;">criticism</span></b>—a more global critical evaluation of overall “character or
personality” (p.33). Complaints are “specific requests for change,” but “there
is no such thing as constructive criticism. All criticism is painful” (p.282). <o:p></o:p><br />
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chronic criticism generally has “two sources … an
emotionally unresponsive partner, [and] self-doubt,” the persistent inadequacy
which plagues people “from within” (p.282). <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Sarcasm … cynicism …name-calling, eye rolling, mockery, and
hostile humor” are manifestations of <b><span style="color: lime;">contempt</span></b>
(p.34). It rears its insolent attitude of “superiority over one’s partner”
next, to not only prohibit diverse viewpoints, but to also categorize
disparities as “moral deficienc[ies]” (p.35). <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As unpleasant interactions intensify, “<b><span style="color: lime;">defensiveness</span></b> in all its guises … escalates the conflict.”<br />
<br />
Its
finger-pointing shifts blame away from self and any personal responsibility to
“back down or apologize” (p.37, 164). <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ-VyZ0K5b-9x5dcR5HgA0tKAbtHe4YxSVgXVIM5AnbkuVDRmPakctnfvKE6o3DbLtdSC86QgcQebpB5Zfs7_siqNxDr5VZ2Zf1FOF6t5EkAnJPt82v-cem7P0FEJC2KDnbxZZFSp7WgMb/s1600/fingers_pointing.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="668" data-original-width="798" height="333" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ-VyZ0K5b-9x5dcR5HgA0tKAbtHe4YxSVgXVIM5AnbkuVDRmPakctnfvKE6o3DbLtdSC86QgcQebpB5Zfs7_siqNxDr5VZ2Zf1FOF6t5EkAnJPt82v-cem7P0FEJC2KDnbxZZFSp7WgMb/s400/fingers_pointing.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
“<b><span style="color: lime;">Stonewalling</span></b> … acting like an impassive stone wall … arrives later,” as partners turn away from one another, and begin to not only avoid conflict, but also each other (p.38).<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Am I turning
toward my spouse? <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Or am I
turning away from, or even against, him or her?<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">ANTIDOTES</span></b><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Real antidotes to toxic behaviors exist.<br />
<br />
Quoting psychologist Daniel B. Wile’s book<i> After the Honeymoon</i>, Gottman indicates “When choosing a long-term partner … you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with” for the duration of your relationship (p.139).<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Research by
Gottman indicates that a 69% “majority of marital conflicts” are perpetual, but
happy couples have learned to “live with [marital conflict] and approach it
with<span style="color: lime;"> <b>good humor</b></span>” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(2015, p. 137-139). <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
President Ezra Taft Benson, thirteenth president of The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1985-1994), taught:<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoBlockText">
"You do change human nature, your own human nature,<br />
if you
surrender it to Christ. </div>
<div class="MsoBlockText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBlockText">
"Human nature can be changed here and now. </div>
<div class="MsoBlockText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBlockText">
"Human nature
has been changed in the past …. </div>
<div class="MsoBlockText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBlockText">
"And only Christ can change it" (As quoted by
Goddard, p.128).<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBlockText">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh14azuhDLCo9CoykL1bEZEpGDgBwOtJOiZ-qiVQUtCmn5_zI7o82Ta-RkEe6wQLK_lxIqMXgPCs-T-fmhIgR2JnHihICV6wmZdAqkYo8UbCWR76IhHTpo6C8pYAWLZL-TCRxyGAl60iEyA/s1600/The++Raising+of+Lazarus+by+Carl+Bloh+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="148" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh14azuhDLCo9CoykL1bEZEpGDgBwOtJOiZ-qiVQUtCmn5_zI7o82Ta-RkEe6wQLK_lxIqMXgPCs-T-fmhIgR2JnHihICV6wmZdAqkYo8UbCWR76IhHTpo6C8pYAWLZL-TCRxyGAl60iEyA/s320/The++Raising+of+Lazarus+by+Carl+Bloh+%25282%2529.jpg" width="258" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>All can be healed through Christ. </b><br />
He can heal the sick, and even raise the dead (John 11:1-2,5,11,14,43)<br />
<i>The Raising of Lazarus, by Carl Bloch</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
We have been married 35 years. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gridlock has not been foreign to us.<br />
<br />
At one critical juncture (when I was hurt and angry), our
Bishop counseled me to look for something to thank my spouse for, every day for
one month. I agreed.<br />
<br />
I began, grudgingly, but I kept that promise.<br />
<br />
Each day I added one or more items to a list I kept to prove that I was keeping my promise. When I again visited with the Bishop, I asked if he wanted
the list, half-hidden in my hand by folding it neatly into a small square.<br />
<br />
The Bishop,
in turn, asked if I needed to give it to him.<br />
I didn’t. I was changed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b>Gratitude</b> to my husband did not initially change him;<br />
it altered my thoughts
and feelings. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixYDeObcKomNJtanmS3mrweHD0HjE1EiXQwTWQYhywdggt-o0HzyRVoMEkxd-AsWx3kyvqpZHiuwhZIeCkbvbYpz_lQ561bsM6Ytr3w1dAzGHGJ0tUAJZljFrJZzIqvSJHzVoyJaDsizuV/s1600/david+and+Linda+edit.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="483" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixYDeObcKomNJtanmS3mrweHD0HjE1EiXQwTWQYhywdggt-o0HzyRVoMEkxd-AsWx3kyvqpZHiuwhZIeCkbvbYpz_lQ561bsM6Ytr3w1dAzGHGJ0tUAJZljFrJZzIqvSJHzVoyJaDsizuV/s320/david+and+Linda+edit.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was surprised. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I decided to apply the exercise to myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What was I doing well? <o:p></o:p></div>
<h1>
<span style="font-size: large;">
GRATITUDE </span><o:p></o:p></h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. H. Wallace Goddard suggests that appreciating “little
habits and eccentricities” aids us to understand and accept our spouse [or
others] “as a total package” (p. 106). <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. John M. Gottman extends the same concept to forgiving
ourselves. He teaches, “The best thing you can do for yourself and your
marriage is to work on accepting yourself with all your flaws” (p.283).<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;">
Thomas S. Monson, modern prophet of God and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, asked all listening to his <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/kindness-charity-and-love?lang=eng">April 2017 General Conference address</a> to “examine our lives and determine to follow the Savior’s example by being kind, loving, and charitable.”</div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;">
One of
the kindest, most loving, and charitable accomplishments in all relationships
is appreciation—simply saying ‘<b>thank you</b>.’<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;">
“If
ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place
among the noblest of virtues,” avowed President Monson, in his October
2010 General Conference address titled, “<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/the-divine-gift-of-gratitude?lang=eng">The
Divine Gift of Gratitude</a><span class="MsoHyperlink">.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
President Monson encouraged all, “We can lift ourselves and
others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and
cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude” (October 2010). <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPdN6ZnFWcgIGeors-g5RqWTQjITwf1dcpK6KUtrCvW5Y_Z0i1lnaW-xX8QsBrEw_u6EAD73sbOGGI8OIBXSCIa00-7oIoVvF9rsSXZiWnbR_qI6BrOyKS4njBFuh56vs0eZKpuHLvUfEy/s1600/Sons+of+God.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="261" data-original-width="450" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPdN6ZnFWcgIGeors-g5RqWTQjITwf1dcpK6KUtrCvW5Y_Z0i1lnaW-xX8QsBrEw_u6EAD73sbOGGI8OIBXSCIa00-7oIoVvF9rsSXZiWnbR_qI6BrOyKS4njBFuh56vs0eZKpuHLvUfEy/s400/Sons+of+God.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><b>REFERENCES</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Elder Marvin
J. Ashton, "<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/the-tongue-can-be-a-sharp-sword?lang=eng">The
Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword</a>," April
1992, retrieved 20 June 2017 from <span style="color: #0563c1; mso-themecolor: hyperlink;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/the-tongue-can-be-a-sharp-sword?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/the-tongue-can-be-a-sharp-sword?lang=eng</a></span><o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Goddard, H. W.
(2007). <i>Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal
results</i>. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
Gottman, J. M., and Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles
for making marriage work: a practical guide from the country's foremost
relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
President Thomas S. Monson, “<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/the-divine-gift-of-gratitude?lang=eng">The
Divine Gift of Gratitude</a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext;">.”</span> </span>October 2010, retrieved 20 June 2017 from <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/the-divine-gift-of-gratitude?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/the-divine-gift-of-gratitude?lang=eng</a><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
President Thomas S. Monson, “<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/kindness-charity-and-love?lang=eng">Kindness, Charity, and Love</a>.<span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext;">”</span> </span>April 2017, retrieved 20 June 2017 from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/kindness-charity-and-love?lang=eng</div>
Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-10867178427321735212017-06-20T17:06:00.000-07:002018-09-10T17:45:58.420-07:00INVENTORY INITIATIVES (LIVING IN LOVE)<div style="line-height: 107%; margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i>“Organize
yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even
a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of
learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God”</i> (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/109.8?lang=eng#p7">D&C
109:8</a>).</div>
<div style="line-height: 107%; margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixGLIbzZ7lAU4HmM_iZ6yhaBP5Y8qg68WKxQjrgXI0mjLt4qrBTczgTN-tpfQnRn73LBLQq-ZRj2Y_fn3cpmHW9IV58RdoNwt4F1Q5_-17uZouO20vTFQcvP9e2-M87mRauYexsTiOi4ZF/s1600/DSCN4612+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="244" data-original-width="800" height="120" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixGLIbzZ7lAU4HmM_iZ6yhaBP5Y8qg68WKxQjrgXI0mjLt4qrBTczgTN-tpfQnRn73LBLQq-ZRj2Y_fn3cpmHW9IV58RdoNwt4F1Q5_-17uZouO20vTFQcvP9e2-M87mRauYexsTiOi4ZF/s400/DSCN4612+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;">Each spring my storeroom is almost empty.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></b>
<b><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;">SPRING INVENTORIES</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></b><br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
The cycle of harvest is about to again fill the freezer and the empty jars lining storeroom shelves. It's a continuing cycle of living and loving.<br />
<br />
As fruits and vegetables from the garden or nearby markets become available what do I need to do?<br />
<br />
Washington cherries mature soon, followed almost immediately by apricots, and then peaches, plums, pears, and apples. How many jars or packages of each should I prepare and store?<br />
<br />
How can I know?<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is time for inventory.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzmlBOE3ThKxB7-UTGgOmFJCC6KX4DKZRJgCJy6_lXHQpaCkW1mFO3a2fomspAUaqcCqB4RtR_Tyo1PB_uipaj3o3zMxu_B4n0rlH4tSbzefNGqoRvfj5V0W6koxeIFGP1ij3kQh-816e/s1600/IMG_4849+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="305" data-original-width="351" height="347" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzmlBOE3ThKxB7-UTGgOmFJCC6KX4DKZRJgCJy6_lXHQpaCkW1mFO3a2fomspAUaqcCqB4RtR_Tyo1PB_uipaj3o3zMxu_B4n0rlH4tSbzefNGqoRvfj5V0W6koxeIFGP1ij3kQh-816e/s400/IMG_4849+%25282%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">As the months march along, bottles and shelves are depleted<br />
unless constantly refilled.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
What resources are available and which are depleted?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
First I need to clean, wash and dust; sort and organize; and if necessary dispose of outdated products.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Invariably, it seems, a dated jar has been lost in a corner or accidentally mixed with newer goods.</div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidhYaWnYxFkR3DTXLHTe97_zexKlSuzqjrX3k0YCRHptWlc-GLnBLx68S273Tt00s323ct4WD5lNdMwZVHyUuqqNUwZxCnow_bZ6VZjvbhG0s4jYO-FVNWmmuE3mSTYm5DD7Ww8S1YLPKN/s1600/bottles+of+what.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="646" data-original-width="800" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidhYaWnYxFkR3DTXLHTe97_zexKlSuzqjrX3k0YCRHptWlc-GLnBLx68S273Tt00s323ct4WD5lNdMwZVHyUuqqNUwZxCnow_bZ6VZjvbhG0s4jYO-FVNWmmuE3mSTYm5DD7Ww8S1YLPKN/s200/bottles+of+what.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yesterday, I found two jars - of what? </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
These jars are dark in color with a somewhat reddish-purple cast, and labeled July 2012. Labels can help. I should have also identified contents! In July I am usually canning cherries but these are a puree and a juice of some type. I am sincerely puzzled. Whatever they are, they are seriously out of date, of little or no value, and best dumped into the compost. </div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in;">
I also found 2 dated cans of fruit cocktail! WHAT?<br />
<br />
How did those get out of rotation?</div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha4OD5EEe8ZFp7dal-0ybYdQgvE0Lq-P95M8k1ewlxHDb0Q6lXGChXD2PTaoZN3cHOOre5FsONUOb9qc6P_Nr-TXk2mImGWndLhsdZC3G5NgGOGs11Yp05E3AGhgwEAv9oEgo8CQoWp_Eb/s1600/2+cans+fruit+cocktail.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="672" data-original-width="800" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha4OD5EEe8ZFp7dal-0ybYdQgvE0Lq-P95M8k1ewlxHDb0Q6lXGChXD2PTaoZN3cHOOre5FsONUOb9qc6P_Nr-TXk2mImGWndLhsdZC3G5NgGOGs11Yp05E3AGhgwEAv9oEgo8CQoWp_Eb/s200/2+cans+fruit+cocktail.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We didn't like this brand.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Some of the fruit seemed woody,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">and other parts quite tasteless.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Lesson: Try different things! </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">ESSENTIALS</span></b></span><br />
<br />
Inventories can also help us understand our relationship “storehouse;” what has been, what now is, and what focus is needed for the future.<br />
<br />
My spring storeroom inventory may focus on family home production and storage, but relationships need balance in all aspects of well-being: family finances and education, health and employment, and especially spiritual strength (see <a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/welfare/the-church-welfare-plan/catching-the-vision-of-self-reliance?lang=eng&old=true">“Catching the Vision of Self Reliance,”</a> lds.org).<br />
<br />
Imagine the storehouse of your marriage, or other vital relationships.</div>
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<br />
What is essential?<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz0SNTo_SUCQ5bpWdIIcvjlu0S79J7fnzGkiqJdqFW2xx3eOKC0yoBYfQALo0fL8pSaFSdoROQrZJbq6KNBxe4WpGJ9bignTmSZzIdu8DUs2cMFQTMlqGzGSTZ-Da0ac5bpu6pkc77b_18/s1600/water+szd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz0SNTo_SUCQ5bpWdIIcvjlu0S79J7fnzGkiqJdqFW2xx3eOKC0yoBYfQALo0fL8pSaFSdoROQrZJbq6KNBxe4WpGJ9bignTmSZzIdu8DUs2cMFQTMlqGzGSTZ-Da0ac5bpu6pkc77b_18/s400/water+szd.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Water is essential emergency storage.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><br /></b><b><span style="font-size: large;">PLENTY OF PRAISE</span></b><br />
<br />
Patterns of daily diligence, kind consideration, and appreciative praise—when repeated persistently—repair, refill, replenish, and restore essential resources.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Those who consecrate themselves to their marriage by bringing their whole souls …to the everyday events of a relationship are building a storehouse of sweet memories. They are building an eternal relationship …” teaches Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, Professor of Family Life for the University of Arkansas, in his book <i>Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage</i> (2007, p.104).</div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
“[H]appy marriage partners throw open the doors of the storehouse and give kindness, help, and goodness” (Goddard, p. 102).<o:p></o:p></div>
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When my husband observes that dirtied diapers make me gag, and offers to take over—all the time—because it doesn’t really bother him, he is replenishing our relationship. I am so grateful! I wonder what I can do to help him that would ever equal such a gift.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRgbUGx3DKliZEhg7Jq952foc8TEEOWQR-4bImhT-1eKdehme8gXMQFo_Ot_oSDq5j8CwTKyx1XbJqDL0oYzpiQDNBTd9ZaMCXPbmuChZSeEvmSBhO0N-54X5E4sTmgEesHhR6j7iGPsBI/s1600/Goddard_H_Wallace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="378" data-original-width="575" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRgbUGx3DKliZEhg7Jq952foc8TEEOWQR-4bImhT-1eKdehme8gXMQFo_Ot_oSDq5j8CwTKyx1XbJqDL0oYzpiQDNBTd9ZaMCXPbmuChZSeEvmSBhO0N-54X5E4sTmgEesHhR6j7iGPsBI/s200/Goddard_H_Wallace.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Goddard pointedly asks, “Have you … given your whole heart to your spouse? What can you do to make a more complete offering? … Are you willing to invest your whole soul in the hope [of] … eternal joy?” (p.106).<o:p></o:p><br />
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He teaches there is a better way than “the inevitable score-keeping” accompanying attempts to equalize shared responsibilities.<br />
<br />
Seeking equity encourages people to think about and value their own contributions, [and] … under-notice and under-appreciate the efforts of others.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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…<o:p></o:p></div>
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We can gladly offer our best efforts.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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We appreciate all that our partners offer.<o:p></o:p></div>
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…<o:p></o:p></div>
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We give gladly and we receive graciously” (p.102).<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>ROTTEN</b></span><br />
<br />
Sometimes a nasty smell emanates from a store room. The offending item (or items) must be carefully investigated, and disposed of properly.</div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
<o:p></o:p>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh564djrADntaXnYoGJ3ahk2ipU8f3Zw4FvyLFQwvnZ8ZgrfYRYNIuKQR9G6CqSO7gZE0IdMDfmxbNPwAhpWku5O3oXfmika1o8sjE_By3xaL1bDNPnsF3nCoP-53JiHxu1ua1emQVrYn4A/s1600/rotten+potatoes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="460" data-original-width="612" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh564djrADntaXnYoGJ3ahk2ipU8f3Zw4FvyLFQwvnZ8ZgrfYRYNIuKQR9G6CqSO7gZE0IdMDfmxbNPwAhpWku5O3oXfmika1o8sjE_By3xaL1bDNPnsF3nCoP-53JiHxu1ua1emQVrYn4A/s400/rotten+potatoes.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Have you ever smelled a rotten potato? You’d rather not!</span></div>
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</div>
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Sometimes a jar may ferment or spoil.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It is dangerous. Its contents can kill.<o:p></o:p></div>
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(<span style="font-size: x-small;">See <a href="http://nchfp.uga.edu/how/general/identify_handle_spoiled_canned_food.html">Identifying and Handling Spoiled Canned Food</a></span>).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZMw1qp1wmH-B_TfN8QD9Z-G8DSDNrj1Jo0OQ-k-bqxEaKwKgfFRBrE-d49ViZQt4f5SbrwXES9F6ubliRZ__2NxITnj9lTeTyc_M22mfmLQ31ALCKQL1SIOEb9Z_yCEU28y17sC5Ufqtr/s1600/text.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="668" data-original-width="746" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZMw1qp1wmH-B_TfN8QD9Z-G8DSDNrj1Jo0OQ-k-bqxEaKwKgfFRBrE-d49ViZQt4f5SbrwXES9F6ubliRZ__2NxITnj9lTeTyc_M22mfmLQ31ALCKQL1SIOEb9Z_yCEU28y17sC5Ufqtr/s200/text.png" width="200" /></a></div>
In<i> The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work </i>(2015), New York Times bestselling author Dr. John M. Gottman proposes there may be destructive habits or practices in relationships that cause stress, trigger damaging interactions, or scar emotions (p.157).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thorough inventories, although at times uncomfortable when feelings or customs are involved, may reveal what is outdated, or perhaps ‘rotten,’ and help to determine ‘cleanup’ procedures.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In previous generations physical punishments such as spanking were common. While raising our family, a <a href="https://www.lds.org/manual/marriage-and-family-relations-instructors-manual?lang=eng">Marriage and Family Relations</a> course was offered in our local ward (congregation in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).<br />
<br />
It helped us inventory our relationship habits and expectations.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">CLEAN-UP</span></b></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Our older children experienced some of the poisons of compulsion, but we decided spanking is an outdated toxic practice. Our younger children escaped the coercions of corporal punishments. We learned better options. Nevertheless, fallout from the past remained.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Even when relationships move past problems, Dr. Gottman teaches, “emotional injuries” may be causing “residual damage.”<br />
<br />
If these are not “addressed” they “become constant irritants—like a stone in your shoe” (p. 157).<o:p></o:p></div>
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“The past is never dead. In fact, it’s not even past,” quotes Gottman from William Faulkner’s <i>Requiem for a Nun</i> (p.187). “Negative emotions hold important information about how to love each other better” (Gottman, p.157).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Every store room is different, as is every relationship.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ymXMPcwsksB9qj6Kf8gBgihFcPl30-I2AsGvT5yxrj7Z0pNqa8AZV7fMb4Z6LziiPd9tUnzYGkQOn6uuu0RgQWS5pwZ4TDoyNt43WW5T1jcZHAsgOwWeBDboKd-lvHUqBoDCzVIqr5LH/s1600/John+M+Gottman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ymXMPcwsksB9qj6Kf8gBgihFcPl30-I2AsGvT5yxrj7Z0pNqa8AZV7fMb4Z6LziiPd9tUnzYGkQOn6uuu0RgQWS5pwZ4TDoyNt43WW5T1jcZHAsgOwWeBDboKd-lvHUqBoDCzVIqr5LH/s200/John+M+Gottman.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Gottman reminds marriage partners that “some difficulties are inevitable,” but just as we can avoid aggravating physical ailments such as a “trick knee, bad back, irritable bowel, or tennis elbow” we likewise can foster “strategies and routines” that alleviate relationship difficulties (p.139).<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">PACKAGE DEALS</span></b></div>
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Dr. Goddard emphasizes that different opinions and viewpoints are not “wrong or bad, they are just different from our [own] experience and preference,” and although such differences may cause frustrations or become irksome, it is possible for the “more spiritually mature” to accept their spouse [or others] “as a total package” (p. 106)<o:p></o:p><br />
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Issues are more about how things are handled than any specific action, lack of action, or circumstance. Gottman explains, “No one is right. There is no absolute reality in marital conflict, only two subjective ones.… Acceptance is crucial” (p. 157).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Saying “I’m sorry,” is a courageous start. One day, my husband took a public stand on Facebook against corporal punishment, and we apologized to our children, publicly and privately.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When another “person understands, respects, and accepts” someone “for who they are” with all their feelings, including those that are not positive, they facilitate freedom to change, forgive, and return compassion with “fondness, and admiration” (pp. 157-158).<o:p></o:p></div>
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It is also possible to learn to “mellow about …faults,” and “although … every emotion in the spectrum [is communicated], including anger and irritability, disappointment, and hurt … [a] ‘warts and all’ underlying regard and acceptance is also conveyed" (pp. 158-159).<br />
<b><br /></b><b><span style="font-size: large;">LOOK AHEAD</span></b><br />
<br />
Elder Boyd K. Packer, a Latter-day Saint apostle, directs attention to an often overlooked Book of Mormon declaration that we “are instructed sufficiently that [we] know good from evil” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.5?lang=eng#p4">2 Nephi 2:5</a>). Packer instructs:</div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 31.5pt 8pt 0.5in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLxXAO_Avb_xBc7ocbs32ykQs3lTbOx4-YOr0axDbw8t-xUchU8u-AAkTQRj2n_0Tq3dtCgoHD2HWYsYH3hs7111kWiTiu_A0nOtgRtLK9JRUKrgcKfTmJBj-y1M653tH9ezwaUuLJAAVD/s1600/boyd-k-packer-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="266" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLxXAO_Avb_xBc7ocbs32ykQs3lTbOx4-YOr0axDbw8t-xUchU8u-AAkTQRj2n_0Tq3dtCgoHD2HWYsYH3hs7111kWiTiu_A0nOtgRtLK9JRUKrgcKfTmJBj-y1M653tH9ezwaUuLJAAVD/s200/boyd-k-packer-large.jpg" width="157" /></a>It is critically important that you understand that you already know right from wrong, that you’re innately, inherently, and intuitively good.<br />
<br />
When you say, ‘I can’t!<br />
I can’t solve my problems!’<br />
<br />
I want to thunder out, ‘Don’t you realize who you are? Haven’t you learned yet that you are a son or a daughter of Almighty God? Do you know that there are powerful resources inherited from Him that you can call upon to give you steadiness and courage and great power?’…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 31.5pt 8pt 0.5in;">
When you have a problem, work it out in your own mind first. Ponder on it and analyze it and meditate on it. Pray about it. I’ve come to learn that major decisions can’t be forced. You must look ahead and have vision … (See Proverbs 29:18).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 31.5pt 8pt 0.5in;">
Ponder on things a little each day, and don’t always be in the crisis of making major decisions on the spur of the moment. If you’re looking ahead in life, you can see major problems coming down the road toward you from some considerable distance. By the time you meet one another, you are able at the very beginning to take charge of that conversation.<br />
<br />
Once in a while a major decision will jump out at you from the side of the road and startle the wits out of you, but not very often. If you’ve already decided that you’re going to do what is right and let all of the consequences follow, even those encounters won’t hurt you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 31.5pt 8pt 0.5in;">
I have learned that the best time to wrestle with major problems is early in the morning. Your mind is fresh and alert. The blackboard of your mind has been erased by a good night’s rest. The accumulated distractions of the day are not in your way. Your body has been rested also. That’s the time to think something through very carefully and to receive personal revelation (<a href="https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/boyd-k-packer_self-reliance/">1975</a>/<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1978/04/solving-emotional-problems-in-the-lords-own-way?lang=eng">1978</a>).<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBlockText" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">REFILL, REPAIR, REPLENISH</span></b><br />
<br />
In contrast to the early morning peace described by Elder Packer, during the chaos of evening meal preparations, with multiple meetings and activities looming, if I pause (while working at the kitchen stove, naturally) to pray for patience when I notice my spouse or child hovering about or in the way, hoping for unidentifiable attentions, then I invite them to stir a bubbling pot, chop vegetables, lick a beater, or sit close enough that we can chat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBlockText" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Listening, making meals, keeping a tidy home, and doing laundry or dishes may seem mundane, yet all store a harvest for future enjoyment.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVZs07kPI90z1wZs-cVrK9ri0PHS9r31mD6-tGTs59i5xZWtCYeUI_YYlPyWfpPXXD8CUDLIqxiv7Or-x3qtTpOpBN11txJfopoJsdENcmRPuwnb94a1sGjHAx5m4GVhY3mwNPMMnI7UGU/s1600/Mandy%2527s+storeroom+szd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="450" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVZs07kPI90z1wZs-cVrK9ri0PHS9r31mD6-tGTs59i5xZWtCYeUI_YYlPyWfpPXXD8CUDLIqxiv7Or-x3qtTpOpBN11txJfopoJsdENcmRPuwnb94a1sGjHAx5m4GVhY3mwNPMMnI7UGU/s640/Mandy%2527s+storeroom+szd.jpg" width="360" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">A full storeroom after the harvest: photo by <a href="http://madcourthouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/beautiful-sight.html">Mandy Court</a></td></tr>
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</div>
<div class="MsoBlockText" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
Goddard probes, “Do we bring our greatest generosity and richest forgiving to our marriages?” (p.102). Do we “invite” (p.101), or demand? “No partner on the face of the earth can meet all our needs” (p.100), but “[w]e can follow Christ’s example and act to serve and redeem our partners” because “[w]hen we have the mind of Christ, there is no one we cannot fully love nor gladly serve” (Goddard, p. 101, quoting James Farrell’s <i>The Peacegiver</i>).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBlockText" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Goddard reminds us that marriage is “an ideal [place] to practice the law of consecration, giving “everything we have and are” and then asking “God to increase our capacity so we can give yet more” (p.102). <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
<b>References:</b><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Goddard, H. W. (2007). <i>Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results</i>. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Gottman, J. M., and Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: a practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "gotham b" , serif;">Boyd K Packer 1975 </span><a href="https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/boyd-k-packer_self-reliance/"><span style="font-family: "gotham b" , serif;">https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/boyd-k-packer_self-reliance/</span></a><span style="font-family: "gotham b" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1978/04/solving-emotional-problems-in-the-lords-own-way?lang=eng"><span style="font-family: "gotham b" , serif; font-size: x-small; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1978/04/solving-emotional-problems-in-the-lords-own-way?lang=eng</span></a></div>
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-58438795044041426932017-06-10T02:26:00.001-07:002017-06-23T11:10:26.042-07:00WHO, ME??<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmHEqqEMbJEr8SH1id-wIqWQaXvDcqteGPl9_nIxhd-fuF7suExK6TYDNKfG5cWkJu9rjgtzEK4wG9szgoTTtajRfKWq92U9YpfjspSnmi5pgRJ8JM9CkAd9bmeh53JtyaMfWrMAMw_j-o/s1600/Benson+Ezra+Taft.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="593" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmHEqqEMbJEr8SH1id-wIqWQaXvDcqteGPl9_nIxhd-fuF7suExK6TYDNKfG5cWkJu9rjgtzEK4wG9szgoTTtajRfKWq92U9YpfjspSnmi5pgRJ8JM9CkAd9bmeh53JtyaMfWrMAMw_j-o/s200/Benson+Ezra+Taft.png" width="148" /></a>“Pride affects all of us at various times and in various degrees (<o:p></o:p>President Ezra Taft Benson, 1989 [i]).</div>
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Recently while visiting family members, my niece’s friendly, 14 month-old son taught us a valuable lesson about interpersonal relationships.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When we arrived, after a short period of getting acquainted, he accepted us as belonging: after all Nana, Papa, mommy, and daddy—everyone he knows and trusts—hugged us and seemed delighted to see us.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My sister, his Nana, and I look a lot alike. We laughed to see his eyes swiveling back and forth between us. That seemed to reassure him, and soon he allowed me to play with him and even carry him when he was a tiny bit fussy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My husband, proud Papa to our own 19 grandchildren, began to play typical baby games including lightly touching a place he’d announce, such as “finger,” or “toes.” Encouraged by successes with “ear” and “nose,” he pointed to the baby’s chin while saying, “chin.” Baby’s eyes grew wide, and he turned away almost crying. We were all puzzled.<br />
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What could possibly cause the word ‘chin’ to frighten a child?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Not to be easily deterred, my husband soon tried again. He saw no harm in the simple game. The baby cried out, and I returned him to Nana.<br />
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She comforted him, and he quieted.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The next afternoon baby cut two, new bottom teeth.<o:p></o:p><br />
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None of us had realized his mouth, or chin, might be sensitive.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Psychologists tell us … we all have limited facts and active biases. No human sees clearly,” teaches Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, Professor of Family Life for the University of Arkansas, in his book <i>Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage</i><br />
(2007, p.63). </div>
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Goddard reminds us that pride causes us to be attuned “to our own needs as the standard of judgment,” causing us to “presume” what others think and feel. We then “define the problem—whatever it is—in terms of [them]” (p.64).</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>PRIDE</b></span></div>
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“Pride is the universal sin, the great vice,” said President Ezra Taft Benson, and then repeated, “Yes, pride is the universal sin, the great vice. (1989)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sin? </b></span><b><span style="font-size: medium;">What is sin? </span></b></div>
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Youth in my Sunday School class in 2012 decided sin is anything that divides or separates us from God, and the great plan He has for our happiness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Divides? Separates?</div>
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The youth (age 14-16) gave an example.</div>
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If we divide 4 by 2 we get 2.<br />
Two is less than 4. </div>
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But says the mathematician,<br />
"now you have more pieces."</div>
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Exactly! If we have a pizza, and cut it into pieces, each piece is separated into less than a whole pizza. (And if a greedy sibling cuts the pizza, and gets first choice, you can almost guarantee that some pieces will be bigger than others and you will get the smaller ones.)</div>
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So what is sin?</div>
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If dividing is less of something,<br />
is sin less happiness?</div>
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We all could understand that it is.</div>
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Sin is choosing <b>less</b> happiness.<br />
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Sin is anything that diminishes real, lasting joy.</div>
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I want to be happy.<br />
And I want happiness to last!<br />
I want joy!</div>
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What about you?</div>
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The sin of pride, separates marriages, families, and communities from more happiness, by turning all into enemies<span style="text-indent: -48px;">—i</span>ncluding God and self.</div>
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<o:p><span style="font-size: large;"><b>UNAWARE</b></span></o:p></div>
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President Benson taught that many may not even be aware that their "faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond [their] means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous” are manifestations of pride.<o:p></o:p> The scripture teach that some sin in ignorance (See <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3.11?lang=eng#10">Mosiah 3:11</a>; <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/6.18?lang=eng#17">3 Ne. 6:18</a>; <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/1.3-7?lang=eng#2">Mosiah 1:3-7</a>).</div>
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Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. <i>Enmity</i> means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition’ (Benson, 1989).</div>
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President Benson thoroughly explored how “Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves”<br />
(See <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9.42?lang=eng#41">2 Ne. 9:42</a>).<br />
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Looking with envy at those who are richer or more talented can be as prideful as despising those with less.</div>
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"Pride adversely affects all our relationships—our relationship with God and His servants, between husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, teacher and student, and all mankind.<br />
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"Our degree of pride determines how we treat [others]” (Benson, 1989).</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;"> </span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;">Be a Little Kinder, taught President Gordon B. Hinckley.</span><br />
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Although in our mind we think we are harmless and without fault, in fact we may entirely fail to perceive truths or realities. Goddard explains:<o:p></o:p></div>
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The natural mind is an enemy to truth. Each one of us sees our own versions of ‘truth’ and imagines that no one in the world sees truth as clearly as we do … [thus preventing] us from connecting with others …. Humility is the friend of truth [which] opens us up to the experience of others and to truth from heaven.<br />
(2007; p.63).</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">AN ANTIDOTE</span></b></div>
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Benson penetratingly asked if we follow the example of Jesus Christ to lift others, or instead give Satan power “to reign over us.” And he suggested an antidote: “humility” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-05-1307-teachings-of-ezra-taft-benson-pride?lang=eng">Benson 1989</a>).<span style="color: windowtext;"> </span></div>
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<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Do we hate anyone giving us counsel, correction, or perhaps asking us to do our share? </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">(</span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/15.10?lang=eng#9" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Prov. 15:10</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/amos/5.10?lang=eng#9" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Amos 5:10</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">.)<br /><br /><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The proud defensively “justify and rationalize their frailties and failures” </span>(Benson, 1989; See also </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/3.9?lang=eng#8" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Matt. 3:9</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/6.30-59?lang=eng#29" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">John 6:30–59</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">)</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">.<br /><span style="color: #0b5394;"> . . . </span><br /><b>Can</b></span><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> we get along and go along?</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br />can . . .</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Do we contend? “Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride … The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.”</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> (Benson, 1989; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/13.10?lang=eng#9" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Prov. 13:10</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">; see also </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/28.25?lang=eng#24" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Prov. 28:25</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">.) </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /><br /><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Can we make peace?<br /><span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span></b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Do we give or take offense readily, nurse hurt feelings and grudges, or “withhold forgiveness to keep another in [our] debt” and “justify … injured feelings?”</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">(Benson, 1989; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/16.1-3?lang=eng#0" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">1Ne.16:1–3</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">)</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">.<br /><span style="color: #0b5394;">. . .</span><span style="color: #073763;"> </span><br />Can</span><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> we forgive and forget?</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span></span></li>
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Alma, a Book of Mormon prophet, taught the people of the city Gideon</div>
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be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive. And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works. (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/7.23-24?lang=eng#p22">Alma 7:23-24</a>).<br />
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“The antidote for pride … is the broken heart and contrite spirit”<br />
(<span style="font-size: x-small;">Benson, 1989; </span><span style="text-indent: -0.5in;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">See </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small; text-indent: -0.5in;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/9.20?lang=eng#19" style="text-indent: -0.5in;">3 Ne. 9:20</a><span style="text-indent: -0.5in;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/12.19?lang=eng#18" style="text-indent: -0.5in;">3 Ne. 12:19</a><span style="text-indent: -0.5in;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/20.37?lang=eng#36" style="text-indent: -0.5in;">D&C 20:37</a><span style="text-indent: -0.5in;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/59.8?lang=eng#7" style="text-indent: -0.5in;">D&C 59:8</a><span style="text-indent: -0.5in;">; </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small; text-indent: -0.5in;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/34.18?lang=eng#17" style="text-indent: -0.5in;">Ps. 34:18</a><span style="text-indent: -0.5in;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/57.15?lang=eng#14" style="text-indent: -0.5in;">Isa. 57:15</a><span style="text-indent: -0.5in;">; </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/66.2?lang=eng#1" style="text-indent: -0.5in;">Isa. 66:2</a></span><span style="text-indent: -0.5in;">).</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">HUMILITY</span></b><br />
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Becoming humble challenges pride. It may be difficult. Elder M. Russell Ballard quips "Failure is only when you quit trying...if you keep working at a task and try to do what's right and honest, ultimately it works out."<br />
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Ballard reminds listeners: “Set goals that are well balanced—not too many nor too few, and not too high nor too low. Write down your attainable goals and work on them according to their importance. Pray for divine guidance in your goal setting”<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_ednref9"> (April 1987).</a><br />
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Ballard also helps me understand family priorities:<o:p></o:p></div>
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When [you] make family and religious commitments<br />
. . . societies at large are strengthened as families grow<span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span>stronger.<br />
<b><i><br />Commitments to family and values are the basic cause. Nearly everything else is effect.</i></b><br />
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So the bad news is that family breakdown is causing a host of societal and economic ills.<br />
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But <b><i>the good news is </i></b><i>that, like any cause and effect, <b>those ills can be reversed</b> <b>if what is causing them is changed</b></i>.<br />
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Inequities are resolved by living correct principles and values. If we will devote ourselves to this cause, we will improve every other aspect of our lives”<br />
(April 2012). </div>
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Family and marriage relationships are work, but are critical to eternal happiness.</div>
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It is important to accept and validate feelings and feedback conveyed from all with whom we interact. Just like our niece’s baby really didn’t have a way to let anyone know he was going through a painful experience, our loved ones many not be able to send their message in a way we easily understand.<br />
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They may only be able to cry out, and we may misunderstand intent, desires, needs, expectations, and feelings. They need comfort.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg70ixZdP8DLGd5ljth9EKL0tUHHNQOuhBTWcHdh6zYjJf-qDzv7yQKWiZA9MP5yERc4yEqjgwjVeFcsVialjyh403X5vfEBv8vFO7B9L7uu4dkSEL5q8af7vYCo7bu3L4HW_qHCAMrO9zc/s1600/Cook_quote1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="542" data-original-width="800" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg70ixZdP8DLGd5ljth9EKL0tUHHNQOuhBTWcHdh6zYjJf-qDzv7yQKWiZA9MP5yERc4yEqjgwjVeFcsVialjyh403X5vfEBv8vFO7B9L7uu4dkSEL5q8af7vYCo7bu3L4HW_qHCAMrO9zc/s400/Cook_quote1.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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Concern for, and consideration of others replaces the hatred and hostility of enmity with charity and compassion. Service and gratitude soften our hearts and theirs, promote patience, and foster the forgiveness toward others that (with inexpressible gratitude) we begin to recognize as necessary, and seek for self in submissive obedience to a loving Father; God, the Father of all. </div>
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<b>References:<o:p></o:p></b><br />
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Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1987/04/keeping-lifes-demands-in-balance?lang=eng">Keeping Life’s Demands In Balance</a>,”157th Annual General Conference, April 1987<o:p></o:p><br />
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Elder M. Russell Ballard, "<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/that-the-lost-may-be-found?lang=eng">That the Lost May Be Found</a>," 1 April 2012, or May Ensign, pages 98.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Elder Quentin L Cook, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, <a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/can-ye-feel-so-now?lang=eng">“Can Ye Feel So Now?”</a> 182nd Semi-annual General Conference, 6 October 2012 <o:p></o:p><br />
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Goddard, H. W. (2007). <i>Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results</i>. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%208%20lsn%207/WHO%20ME%20trimmed.docx#_ednref1" name="_edn1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">[i]</span></span></span></a> President Ezra Taft Benson delivered "<b>Cleansing the Inner Vessel</b>" <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1986/04/cleansing-the-inner-vessel?lang=eng">April 1986</a>. And then reiterated and expanded his teachings <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng">April 1989</a> when he requested Gordon B. Hinckley, first counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to read “<a href="http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-05-1307-teachings-of-ezra-taft-benson-pride?lang=eng"><b>Beware of Pride</b>”</a> in his behalf.</div>
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-67691122482239758992017-06-06T00:22:00.000-07:002017-07-04T15:04:15.906-07:00NURTURING NICETIES: MARRIAGE MATTERS<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Is my spouse a jerk? Or are we friends? Nurturing relationships begins with crucial understanding of basic truths.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo2HEwxFXgaji_2txX1_Of7rgnGqvnZvkWxxvvwEV__eXShSiAfqxHqPb-EUrsTVGFlfXcSXHTIED7UkYy-NNZ-qMcXElrQr_xghjaDKLMAs25BXgD9HCT9xxXfu7oyWKNORyWRp1e2dGy/s1600/the+lord+jesus+christ+ldsdotorg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="576" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo2HEwxFXgaji_2txX1_Of7rgnGqvnZvkWxxvvwEV__eXShSiAfqxHqPb-EUrsTVGFlfXcSXHTIED7UkYy-NNZ-qMcXElrQr_xghjaDKLMAs25BXgD9HCT9xxXfu7oyWKNORyWRp1e2dGy/s400/the+lord+jesus+christ+ldsdotorg.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">He Is Risen; by <a href="http://www.delparson.com/gallery.html">Del Parson</a></td></tr>
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First, and more important than character assassinations or evaluations, is surety that God is real, and that Jesus Christ, as His only begotten son, atoned for sin and error.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjXxKIoNtm_Bovs_yuhym9TRUr6gxBfKfKwXOoCSVbCJa9FMPlAdA0c7S-MuAOSfGytsETnFVaam0FCrmwLINse192hrF_1daKmgTFbXSmxRdCymaKJTkzFzdbXMNngV0IgTmv4vztzquX/s1600/Goddard_H_Wallace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="378" data-original-width="575" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjXxKIoNtm_Bovs_yuhym9TRUr6gxBfKfKwXOoCSVbCJa9FMPlAdA0c7S-MuAOSfGytsETnFVaam0FCrmwLINse192hrF_1daKmgTFbXSmxRdCymaKJTkzFzdbXMNngV0IgTmv4vztzquX/s200/Goddard_H_Wallace.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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Dr H Wallace<span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span>Goddard<i>; </i><br />
popular author, researcher, and Professor of Family Life for the University<span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span>of Arkansas, coaches companions in marriage to invite “partners to gaze with [each other] on truths<span style="color: #0b5394;">.</span>of eternity” where they “are more likely to find common ground,” and “open the door to love.”<br />
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This requires faith to “trust that God is working to rescue our spouses even as he is working to rescue us.” (2007, pp.54-55).</div>
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Goddard tutors that when stress persuades us marriage was a blunder, to remember that most likely “God guided us to be together” and can use “our marital choices” to “bless and balance us” (2007, p.57).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Through faith, and fundamental gospel truths, <a href="http://quevivimoslivingquotes.blogspot.com/2017/05/plan-potential-ideal-possible.html">all things are possible</a> (see <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/19.26?lang=eng#p25">Mathew 19:26</a>).<br />
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Basic truths are succinctly outlined in<br />
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<i> The Family: </i><br />
<i> A Proclamation to the World</i>:</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWabVolp7fhw7M_z69VYlk2Xyr8-5sjE58k60_y_cj-BwW4rspvpMQzDXqcGHLZjOuQdUyhb3qpgVBT9GOHPoODs917h9OSpYvBDTNHUOmfKbJgLTrv8MY_cgxUU3pX4wix-kn37xIQCjS/s1600/2017-06-02_1706.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="629" data-original-width="619" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWabVolp7fhw7M_z69VYlk2Xyr8-5sjE58k60_y_cj-BwW4rspvpMQzDXqcGHLZjOuQdUyhb3qpgVBT9GOHPoODs917h9OSpYvBDTNHUOmfKbJgLTrv8MY_cgxUU3pX4wix-kn37xIQCjS/s400/2017-06-02_1706.png" width="392" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Hands image <a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/adoption?lang=eng">from lds.org</a></td></tr>
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Remembering that my husband has divine potential reminds me to look for traits and characteristics of his “eternal identity and purpose.” I also am a daughter of God, and therefore have “divine nature and destiny.”<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>HELP WITH HOW</b></span><br />
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Consciously choosing this point of view, regarding myself as a daughter of God and my spouse as God’s son, changes irritations to opportunities. They are an “invitation to better thinking and acting” (Goddard, 2007, p. 57).<br />
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I wonder how I can foster his divine character. How would a daughter of God respond to general crankiness or irritability, to doubt or pride, and other potential mortal imperfections? Without essential principles of Christian living firmly entrenched in our hearts our marriage would have failed many times.<br />
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Anciently, when church members at Corinth were arguing with each other, and battling in court, the Apostle Paul explained “a more excellent way”—Charity.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Paul Writing His Epistles; </span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Attributed to</span><span style="font-size: 12.8px;"> Valentin de Boulogne </span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">(1591–1632)</span></td></tr>
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Paul’s warning reverberates through time into modern relationships.<br />
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Even if I “understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor … it profiteth me nothing.”<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>BE KIND</b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Paul describes some of the attributes of this more excellent way: “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%207%20Lsn%206/TURNING%20TOWARD.docx#_edn1" name="_ednref1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">[i]</span></span></span></a> not itself, is not puffed up … seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil … rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things”<o:p></o:p> (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/13.1-4?lang=eng#primary">1Cor.13:2-13</a>).</div>
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I don’t need to move any mountains, but I’d really like some kindness, patience, strength, hope and endurance.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Elder Joseph B. Writhlin, a Latter-day apostle (1986-2008) instructed that “the greatest manifestations of love are the simple acts of kindness and caring” extended to others in our lives. "Even when we make mistakes, we hope others will love us in spite of our shortcomings—even if we don’t deserve it” (2007).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirVJt6HemkIu0rd0pJpWitugrh5nctCIID4ZmJctVaTesY5ZRfjg0zDjMHDtGsSRuvRoFAyuowlUCIADVt0afLp78q8ucrYKDjphHTYX_p_Hr1_cMQFBOEbi5o8kE7Cd_TLsqmTIE5U2nd/s1600/Joseph-B-Wirthlin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="396" data-original-width="298" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirVJt6HemkIu0rd0pJpWitugrh5nctCIID4ZmJctVaTesY5ZRfjg0zDjMHDtGsSRuvRoFAyuowlUCIADVt0afLp78q8ucrYKDjphHTYX_p_Hr1_cMQFBOEbi5o8kE7Cd_TLsqmTIE5U2nd/s200/Joseph-B-Wirthlin.jpg" width="150" /></a>Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women ….<br />
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Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends. It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes.<br />
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Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years. … The things you say, the tone of your voice, the anger or calm of your words—these things are noticed ….<br />
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Nothing exposes our true selves more than how we treat one another in the home. Kindness should permeate all of our words and actions at work, at school, at church, and especially in our homes (Wirthlin, April 2005).</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">PRAY … TO SEE GOOD</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhabB0kCZDC_gFqOoFGf7YY_WWeZ7AnjxUgVmSTRfoSGKQNmoniOxGgIHofMBEFz0Vd7lXSgDEc8LDA7s3ptJdowd0ywAZOrLQur37MBVfWOMytZvDCstnAUjzLxTrHjnEvbSvw4vCxRjF_/s1600/henry-b-eyring-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="267" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhabB0kCZDC_gFqOoFGf7YY_WWeZ7AnjxUgVmSTRfoSGKQNmoniOxGgIHofMBEFz0Vd7lXSgDEc8LDA7s3ptJdowd0ywAZOrLQur37MBVfWOMytZvDCstnAUjzLxTrHjnEvbSvw4vCxRjF_/s200/henry-b-eyring-large.jpg" width="160" /></a></div>
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“Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion,” instructs President Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.<br />
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“Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion” (2009).</div>
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<b><br /><span style="font-size: large;">CHANGE IS POSSIBLE</span></b></div>
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If warring nations can begin to make peace, surely it is possible in marriages and homes. </div>
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In her <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/queen-elizabeth-II/8522318/The-Queen-in-Ireland-Dublin-Castle-speech-in-full.html">May 2011</a> visit to Dublin, Ireland, Queen Elizabeth of Great Britain, demonstrated a powerful example of the principles of charity, change (repentance), apology, forgiveness, and sacrifice.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLcwtTJJV8wKMkM_LVuQLJWo36SzjHrAYvAJ5kc_GP8875pyMBbXvfnAky0R5J5H-Gn5HqcDHqE578AxYImLyCBpz4aTVtgn5jXlt6MzgQYgwykvkN2WvDGJDVY_s3oIWEZeULSl62ynVa/s1600/8cab22f5f37e50c720aff80731997895.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="521" data-original-width="417" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLcwtTJJV8wKMkM_LVuQLJWo36SzjHrAYvAJ5kc_GP8875pyMBbXvfnAky0R5J5H-Gn5HqcDHqE578AxYImLyCBpz4aTVtgn5jXlt6MzgQYgwykvkN2WvDGJDVY_s3oIWEZeULSl62ynVa/s320/8cab22f5f37e50c720aff80731997895.jpg" width="256" /></a></div>
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“We can all see things which we would wish had been done differently or not at all ... [With] forbearance and conciliation [we need to be] able to bow to the past, but not be bound by it." </div>
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And with the majesty of her many titles, the longest reigning monarch in the world extended apologies and condolences to Ireland for her nation’s past atrocities.</div>
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Goddard claims “Marriage is God's graduate school for advanced training in Christian character" (2007, p.8).</div>
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“In real life, love is much more than a feeling, it is a long series of decisions to be together, and give to one another, a commitment to work together to build a shared life, a day to day involvement that changes who we are as people” (Goddard, 2008).<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">CLINICAL MATERIAL</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKhScpvZqaGdSQPPV8RuIV4L3LZkA_SzHr2TJSonB-vmUDifn-JsBNM7QixcXztTo8_xOFhyphenhyphenVr-5RPcXLPDiPzw3ktpi8SWhRPaR5m7aiTUOSAbctYC7sj9MsKvteqxfxjDzg3ouftM2Tu/s1600/Neal+A+Maxwell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="226" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKhScpvZqaGdSQPPV8RuIV4L3LZkA_SzHr2TJSonB-vmUDifn-JsBNM7QixcXztTo8_xOFhyphenhyphenVr-5RPcXLPDiPzw3ktpi8SWhRPaR5m7aiTUOSAbctYC7sj9MsKvteqxfxjDzg3ouftM2Tu/s200/Neal+A+Maxwell.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="150" /></a>Commenting about stress felt as we marry, raise families, and mingle together; Neil A Maxwell, an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1981-2004), taught that in all our interpersonal relationships the people we interact with “constitute the sample of humanity” God given as “clinical material, and we make a mistake when we disregard that sober fact”(6 February 2000, February Ensign, 2001). </div>
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Explaining further Maxwell quoted President Brigham Young as teaching, “There are … no two persons tempered alike; … we are tried with each other, and large drafts are made upon our patience, forbearance, charity, and good will, in short, upon all the higher and Godlike qualities of our nature” (in Deseret News, 6 July 1862, 9). </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpYWntKLSBJWMvM2oLewSKNwKPBz9a3NZOgEJnJ8p5rGvUsNt5XSQ9fEWjCrIJ0bMrT0ckJiJljDthZpkKJDjo5j_TZcLBHqkm5kHzyi_jzMyFf3JUQjMDsV2nFstoUpEXr94oiMBmatcl/s1600/david-a-bednar-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="266" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpYWntKLSBJWMvM2oLewSKNwKPBz9a3NZOgEJnJ8p5rGvUsNt5XSQ9fEWjCrIJ0bMrT0ckJiJljDthZpkKJDjo5j_TZcLBHqkm5kHzyi_jzMyFf3JUQjMDsV2nFstoUpEXr94oiMBmatcl/s200/david-a-bednar-large.jpg" width="159" /></a>“Our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others” taught a modern apostle, Elder David A. Bednar. “A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended” (2006).</div>
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Maxwell (2001) instructed, “The eloquence of Jesus’ example of long-suffering and patience with each of us is surely something we must emulate—more than we usually do—in our relationships with each other!” He continued:</div>
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You are going to have days when people make a large draft on your patience, when they lay claim to your long-suffering that you may feel they don’t quite deserve. This is part of the chemistry that goes on in discipleship if we are serious about it …<br />
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It is within these circles of influence that you can strive to carry out all the dimensions of the second great commandment [to love others (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/22.36,38,40?lang=eng#p35">Matt 22:36-40</a>)] including giving praise, commendation, and occasional correction. It is good for us to develop further our relevant skills. Paul prescribed, however, ‘speaking the truth in love’ (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/eph/4.15?lang=eng#14">Eph. 4:15</a>).</div>
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We usually know if someone speaks “in love,” Elder Maxwell maintains, and we are more able to accept difficult course corrections and reproof when they are given lovingly. With love “there is a much greater chance that what we say will find its mark in the hearts and the minds of other people” (6 February 2000, February Ensign, 2001).<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">GIVE PRAISE</span></b></div>
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In the Book of Mormon Pahron, though censored by an angry Moroni, chooses not to take offense but looks at Moroni’s good intentions and commends him for his uprightness. (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/61.2%2C9?lang=eng#1">Alma 61:2, 9</a>). </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-yMic-iY2N3WUXmxKY1fxLS5VVjyNikZf5yKdH75WF7Y0p1JYDmpLhbaiQzu9SzhTCbHEDsKrFZit3OO_RjJK35uHLa3PMK-ZU1ZUpXN_XaRT4j48Q_HX5yhdNaUmXsy22cF7MNTtKt2H/s1600/Neal_A_Maxwell_2001.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="556" data-original-width="800" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-yMic-iY2N3WUXmxKY1fxLS5VVjyNikZf5yKdH75WF7Y0p1JYDmpLhbaiQzu9SzhTCbHEDsKrFZit3OO_RjJK35uHLa3PMK-ZU1ZUpXN_XaRT4j48Q_HX5yhdNaUmXsy22cF7MNTtKt2H/s320/Neal_A_Maxwell_2001.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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Maxwell reminds us, “We too can give others ‘the garment of praise’ (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/61.3?lang=eng#2">Isa. 61:3</a>). There are so many people with no such clothing in their wardrobes—or only a T-shirt. They shiver for want of a little praise. Meanwhile, each of us has far more opportunities for bestowing deserved praise than we ever use!”(2001).</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">PASS IT ON</span></b></div>
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How am I able to give admiration, approval, honor, and appreciation? </div>
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Elder Maxwell advises that it is imperative to be able to “give and receive” corrective council as well as commendation. Paul counsels “not to reprove others too much, causing them to ‘be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow’ (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-cor/2.7?lang=eng#6">2 Cor. 2:7</a>), and President Brigham Young, directed that “we should never reprove beyond the capacity of our healing balm to reach out to the person reproved” (see Deseret News, 6 Mar. 1861, 1).</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYqGENBTc6qowkC1tK-OG9cxTgC9QBm5-SVmzKHf5S8_Dkyf2ZRNYyepfQaK5esI4RtkRLD5HXKEeKxiq1EL_IaxKQDluh4Ot4WMpVXT0KeQuvfAev9bUkRNysJ8UHt_qH4b7ILwUrv3q/s1600/Ken+corbett-brigham-portrait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="520" data-original-width="390" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNYqGENBTc6qowkC1tK-OG9cxTgC9QBm5-SVmzKHf5S8_Dkyf2ZRNYyepfQaK5esI4RtkRLD5HXKEeKxiq1EL_IaxKQDluh4Ot4WMpVXT0KeQuvfAev9bUkRNysJ8UHt_qH4b7ILwUrv3q/s320/Ken+corbett-brigham-portrait.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Brigham Young Portrait, by <a href="http://www.worksofjoseph.com/ken-corbett/">Kenneth Corbett</a></td></tr>
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Again quoting Brigham Young, Maxwell teaches, “The principle of love within us is an attribute of the Deity, and it is placed within us to be dispensed independently according to our own will” (in Deseret News, 4 Apr. 1860, 34). We decide how we express love.” Interest in others is in our “own interest” to become more like our Heavenly Father (in Deseret News, 18 June 1856, 116). In all relationships “ …the mentoring, the tutoring, the commending, and occasionally the correcting” provides “ample clinical opportunities to develop our capacity to love.” Maxwell cautions us to beware least these ‘opportunities’ “pass us by unnoticed </div>
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(see <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/morm/8.39?lang=eng#38">Morm. 8:39</a>).</div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />REFERENCES</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">And Nothing Shall Offend Them, David A Bednar (October 2006), Retrieved May 31, 2017 from </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng" style="font-size: small;">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">Goddard, H. W. (2008). Healthy Marriages: Facts and Fiction Part 2 retrieved May 31, 2017 from </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-k6aY_1zDs" style="font-size: small;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-k6aY_1zDs</a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> quoting Dr. Blaine Fowers, University of Texas Professor of Counseling Psychology, Education, and Research</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">Jesus the Perfect Mentor, Neil A. Maxwell, (February 2001). Retrieved June 1, 2017 from</span><a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/02/jesus-the-perfect-mentor?lang=eng" style="font-size: small;">https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/02/jesus-the-perfect-mentor?lang=eng</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">Our Perfect Example, Henry B. Eyring, October 2009, Ensign November 2009, Retrieved June 1, 2017 from </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/our-perfect-example?lang=eng" style="font-size: small;">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/our-perfect-example?lang=eng</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; or Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102. </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true" style="font-size: small;">https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">The Greatest Commandment, Joseph B. Wirthlin, October 2007, Ensign November 2007 Retrieved June 1, 2017, from </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 13.91px;"> <a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/11/the-great-commandment.p1?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/11/the-great-commandment.p1?lang=eng</a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%207%20Lsn%206/TURNING%20TOWARD.docx#_ednref1" name="_edn1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 13.91px;">[i]</span></span></span></a> boasting or bragging excessively (<i>Dictionary.com Unabridged</i>. Retrieved June 1, 2017 from Dictionary.com website <a href="http://www.dictionary.com/browse/vaunt">http://www.dictionary.com/browse/vaunt</a>).</span><o:p></o:p><br />
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-63735129184899375762017-05-27T03:01:00.000-07:002017-07-04T14:15:12.172-07:00PLAN POTENTIAL: IDEAL POSSIBLE<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://timeinablogttle.blogspot.com/2017/05/the-planhappiness.html">Happiness
is a desired ideal.</a></div>
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An ideal is “a standard to strive toward or something
considered worthy of imitation … a concept or standard of perfection, existing
merely as an image in the mind, or based upon a person or upon conduct …” (Dictionary.com). <o:p></o:p></div>
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Despite media
rhetoric implying otherwise,<br />
marriage, "the union of a man and a woman"<br />
(The Family, A Proclamation to the World),<br />
is still a desired ideal as youth become
mature adults. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5NsG-twAg3xYWaiWI13ldK-W0GtZ-fhuGzlc0nvkIVfFIarV93ap27KvhbOd1gUhDG3JDpagpMChdRu4osBY8XWEfKgL0vAthUyXcMYsh6wBZnwiIV903ChbGFTKZV_PdBI-6_TJcunZ4/s1600/Marriage_in_America_2012_State_of_Unions_side_by_side.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="468" data-original-width="713" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5NsG-twAg3xYWaiWI13ldK-W0GtZ-fhuGzlc0nvkIVfFIarV93ap27KvhbOd1gUhDG3JDpagpMChdRu4osBY8XWEfKgL0vAthUyXcMYsh6wBZnwiIV903ChbGFTKZV_PdBI-6_TJcunZ4/s200/Marriage_in_America_2012_State_of_Unions_side_by_side.png" width="200" /></a></div>
Annual surveys <a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%206%20Lsn%205/PLAN%20POTENTIAL%20ideal%20posssible.docx#_edn1"><span style="font-size: x-small;">[i]</span></a> continue
to report that high schoolers plan to marry one day and that having a good
marriage is “extremely important” to them.<span class="A18"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 107%;">
</span></span>(<span style="font-size: x-small;">The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012; President’s Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten
Sixty Percent)</span>.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">YES, ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE</span><br />
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Is it really possible to have a happy marriage?” asked
Courtney from Louisiana, USA in a worldwide “Face to Face” event with leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. <span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%206%20Lsn%205/PLAN%20POTENTIAL%20ideal%20posssible.docx#_edn2" title="">[ii]</a></span></span><a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%206%20Lsn%205/PLAN%20POTENTIAL%20ideal%20posssible.docx#_edn2" title=""><!--[endif]--></a></span> <o:p></o:p></div>
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Elder Jeffery R. Holland, a Latter-day Saint apostle, answered affirmatively, and rather emphatically:</div>
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"Let me declare
unequivocally, absolutely, and adamantly that not only is there such a thing as
a happy marriage, but happy marriages are the rule, not the exception. … </div>
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"[N]ot just be happy but … ecstatically happy.
… I want everybody to dismiss the idea that somehow this is a mountain that
can’t be climbed, it’s a river that can’t be crossed, that there are too many
difficulties to address marriage in this day or any day.<br />
That is simply not
true.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYDS8XuxavRP_KT3VqWgPselvWYdUDIdcBe7n8JXwIzT61oPfp47mI-NqvG2RdAyIIKN8g2c2pH90Oxi-T6tI_I0S5uYKki2KCtd3MX9uP_m0LyJJ9t8P1_C93KF4UfcoaqoiAHWvTDWeD/s1600/The+Work+of+Salvation+June+2013.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="372" data-original-width="659" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYDS8XuxavRP_KT3VqWgPselvWYdUDIdcBe7n8JXwIzT61oPfp47mI-NqvG2RdAyIIKN8g2c2pH90Oxi-T6tI_I0S5uYKki2KCtd3MX9uP_m0LyJJ9t8P1_C93KF4UfcoaqoiAHWvTDWeD/s320/The+Work+of+Salvation+June+2013.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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"You have to work at
a marriage. Every good thing that I know of in this world you have to work at.</div>
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"God will help you.
Of all the things in this world that He will help you with, He will help you
with your marriages and your families, because it matters to Him at least as
much as it matters to you” <br />
(<span style="font-size: x-small;">Holland, Jeffery R., 2016</span>).</div>
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A happy marriage may require sacrifice, something good for
something better, and may seem too hard if we fail to understand what is
possible. <a href="https://www.lds.org/church/leader/richard-g-scott?lang=eng">Elder
Richard G. Scott</a>, also of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, adds a second testimonial to the enduring
happiness of marriage:<o:p></o:p></div>
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"It is so rewarding to be married. Marriage is wonderful. In
time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions. You have
times when you are extremely happy, times of testing, and times of trial, but the
Lord guides you through all of those growth experiences together. …I feel sorry
for any man who hasn’t yet made the choice to seek an eternal companion, and my
heart weeps for the sisters who haven’t had the opportunity to marry.</div>
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"Some of you may feel lonely and unappreciated and cannot
see how it will be possible for you to have the blessings of marriage and
children or your own family. All things are possible to the Lord, and He keeps
the promises He inspires His prophets to declare. Eternity is a long time. Have faith in those promises and live to be worthy of them so that in His time the Lord can make them come true in your life. With certainty, you will receive every promised blessing for which you are worthy"(<span style="font-size: x-small;">Scott, R.G., April 2011, The Eternal Blessings of Marriage</span>).</div>
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The greatest happiness is achieved by obedience to the true
principles of God’s Plan of Happiness. “With men this is impossible; but with
God all things are possible” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/19.26?lang=eng#p25">Mathew 19:26</a>)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">ALL THINGS POSSIBLE</span><br />
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Why sink or swim if we, like Peter, can walk on the water by having faith - really believing Jesus Christ. </div>
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And why risk divorce, if you can be good friends? Resolve doubt with faith in this fact: “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/mark/9.23?lang=eng#p22">Mark 9:23</a>).<br />
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“Two of the vital pillars," Elder Scott clarifies, "that sustain Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness are marriage and the family. Their lofty significance is underscored by Satan’s relentless efforts to splinter the family and to undermine the significance of temple ordinances, which bind the family together for eternity”<br />
(<span style="font-size: x-small;">Scott, R.G., April 2011, The Eternal Blessings of Marriage</span>).</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1IfUvVMBN9N2bbO28ffQSwJkEc9Vqz0HFkIyDra86gIeILPYrsUHbq5Ws8-xbc8-slqiDgwy9LvZ43d0D1aNyYnrdQx_m0z9yPccJjNRHSqXfha8y4QeAXvhtFwchyatX5k-treP8leuI/s1600/david-a-bednar-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="266" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1IfUvVMBN9N2bbO28ffQSwJkEc9Vqz0HFkIyDra86gIeILPYrsUHbq5Ws8-xbc8-slqiDgwy9LvZ43d0D1aNyYnrdQx_m0z9yPccJjNRHSqXfha8y4QeAXvhtFwchyatX5k-treP8leuI/s200/david-a-bednar-large.jpg" width="159" /></a></div>
<a href="https://www.lds.org/church/leader/david-a-bednar?lang=eng">Elder David A.
Bednar</a>, a third witness for the enduring nature of marriage and its part in
God’s divine plan, reminds us that “The Father’s plan is designed to provide
direction for His children, to help them become happy” (2006). </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">REMINDER</span><br />
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Elder Bednar reminds
of the reality of opposition to happiness by “the father of lies” as the
devil attempts to make people “‘miserable like unto himself’<br />
(<a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.27?lang=eng#26">2 Ne. 2:27</a>), by distortions, and general confusion." </div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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"'Gender is an essential
characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and
purpose' (<a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true">The
Family, A Proclamation to the World</a>) <sup> </sup>and in large measure defines who we are,
why we are here upon the earth, and what we are to do and become. For divine
purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and
complementary. …<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">"After</span> the earth was created … God
said it was “not good that the man should be alone” (<a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/2.18?lang=eng#17">Gen. 2:18</a>; <a href="http://lds.org/scriptures/pgp/moses/3.18?lang=eng#17">Moses 3:18</a>),
and Eve became Adam’s companion and helpmeet. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmCOUd9usk8r1_RG5lW39wbFp638SQlSXAWjgjROboBqwVAjWls2PLpt9hWZaGZEqVBuaeGn_nBEroxWSkkAKPQoliFyKJI3Rv8ZWWBlN8LWfCIGp0YXfxehi4Lg3oreD3Lzx5pwEovYOq/s1600/adam-eve-baby-1260140-gallery+szd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="598" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmCOUd9usk8r1_RG5lW39wbFp638SQlSXAWjgjROboBqwVAjWls2PLpt9hWZaGZEqVBuaeGn_nBEroxWSkkAKPQoliFyKJI3Rv8ZWWBlN8LWfCIGp0YXfxehi4Lg3oreD3Lzx5pwEovYOq/s400/adam-eve-baby-1260140-gallery+szd.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><a href="https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/adam-eve-baby-1260140?lang=eng">Adam and Eve</a>, by Jay Bryant Ward</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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"The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness. Alone, neither the man nor the
woman could fulfill the purposes of his or her creation. … The natures of male
and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women
are intended to progress together toward exaltation. …</div>
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"As we look beyond mortality and into eternity, it is easy to discern that the counterfeit
alternatives the adversary advocates can never lead to the completeness that is
made possible through the sealing together of a man and a woman, to the
happiness of righteous marriage, to the joy of posterity, or to the blessing of
eternal progression” (Bednar, June 2006). </div>
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References:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">The Eternal Blessings of Marriage - Richard G. Scott. (2011). Retrieved May 24, 2017, from </span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-eternal-blessings-of-marriage?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-eternal-blessings-of-marriage?lang=eng</a><br /><br />Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan – David A. Bednar. (2006). Retrieved May 24, 2017, from <a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng</a><br /><br />Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved May 24, 2017, from Dictionary.com website: <br /><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/citation">http</a><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/citation">://</a><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/citation">dictionary.reference.com/browse/citation</a><br /><br />“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,”Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; or Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102.</span>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /><a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%206%20Lsn%205/PLAN%20POTENTIAL%20ideal%20posssible.docx#_ednref1">[i]</a> Since 1976, an annual, nationally representative survey of high school seniors titled “Monitoring the Future,” conducted by the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan, has asked numerous questions about family-related topics. See <a href="http://www.monitoringthefuture.org/">http://www.monitoringthefuture.org</a>/ and the Social Indicators section of this report.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">[ii] </span><a href="https://www.lds.org/new-era/2016/08/you-asked-they-answered-marriage-and-family?lang=eng" style="font-size: small;">August 2016, New Era</a><span style="font-size: x-small;">: You Asked—They Answered: Marriage And Family; Adapted from Face to Face events on January 20, 2016, and March 8, 2016, and from a meeting with youth in Argentina held on February 23, 2016.</span><br />
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-71654969776431613662017-05-16T13:58:00.001-07:002017-06-09T17:51:40.792-07:00THE PLAN—HAPPINESSFinding, and holding onto, happiness can challenge even staunch resolve.<br />
<br />
More <a href="https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/">happiness</a> is sought, by almost everyone.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj4FePfN9uXeAVC1H9kceLJrughN1PggBQmZgw3utoWmpCt5H8dVjGzIUvjSZgHiYgCgN_uzBJuZfrBY9s4z_-I5-mGzs_mfjIIlGLJ6ncemSGnoyi62bNk29RPYp4-cOktmLcIb6aKStl/s1600/Oliver+more+please+szd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj4FePfN9uXeAVC1H9kceLJrughN1PggBQmZgw3utoWmpCt5H8dVjGzIUvjSZgHiYgCgN_uzBJuZfrBY9s4z_-I5-mGzs_mfjIIlGLJ6ncemSGnoyi62bNk29RPYp4-cOktmLcIb6aKStl/s400/Oliver+more+please+szd.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.19-20?lang=eng#p18">Mosiah 4:19-20</a> “Are we not all beggars? </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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When people are happy, they are more productive employees, so many employers provide seminars describing how to be happy. In 2013, at work, I watched a video about happiness.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinlN3a24XEBy07Rl-TvMfdUgcPjHGeSwzZhZ48s5UnAU8eJRcs2ejNj6_PFL3e4QZV6xzPGCmH1iPwCx_Y6cN75iWpNBGy6S_PQtCSvOKW6tqwLGRfObA1VMoD0-rc5JlJpgXWd6B8ltcW/s1600/5_suggestions_for_21_days_aszd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinlN3a24XEBy07Rl-TvMfdUgcPjHGeSwzZhZ48s5UnAU8eJRcs2ejNj6_PFL3e4QZV6xzPGCmH1iPwCx_Y6cN75iWpNBGy6S_PQtCSvOKW6tqwLGRfObA1VMoD0-rc5JlJpgXWd6B8ltcW/s400/5_suggestions_for_21_days_aszd.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work#t-174081" style="text-align: center;">Steve Achor</a><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><span style="text-align: center;">made some wonderful </span><a href="https://timeinablogttle.blogspot.com/search?q=Achor" style="text-align: center;">suggestions</a>.<br />
<br />
There are dozens of<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/tags/happiness"> other perspectives</a>.<br />
<br />
Something seldom mentioned, however, is asking God.<br />
He can tell us how to find eternal happiness.<br />
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Talking to God is called prayer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYzW6fFVzZSYG7dPO6AMuj2u0vCXJlaphphHHCrNKhK0WR5P7DEv0IbGhpNtrMxSGP8BpR_b-grXfVmb-yOBg-B4h2S4U7HYZYrKJVkotL1oQJnV7v-c7xkGq7dmtt1y272fvbWG5l9DKJ/s1600/mormonad-puzzled-1118362-gallery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYzW6fFVzZSYG7dPO6AMuj2u0vCXJlaphphHHCrNKhK0WR5P7DEv0IbGhpNtrMxSGP8BpR_b-grXfVmb-yOBg-B4h2S4U7HYZYrKJVkotL1oQJnV7v-c7xkGq7dmtt1y272fvbWG5l9DKJ/s400/mormonad-puzzled-1118362-gallery.jpg" width="305" /></a></div>
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God answers prayers as the thoughts in a mind and the feelings in a heart agree. He answers to give us happiness.<br />
<br />
He also provides answers through <a href="https://video.byui.edu/media/Elder+Jeffrey+R.+Holland+%E2%80%9CLiving+after+the+Manner+of+Happiness%E2%80%9D/0_lswaqv0g">prophets</a> and scripture.<br />
<br />
In the Bible, James, an apostle of Jesus Christ taught, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”<br />
(<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/1.5?lang=eng#p4">James 1:5</a>, King James Bible.)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>ASK!</b></span><br />
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A generous, kind Father in Heaven promises to answer our questions, and to <b>unerringly guide</b> us how to find, have, and enjoy continuing happiness. His plan is for happiness.<br />
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Do you doubt God’s reality?<br />
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Ask him, “Are you real? Do you exist?”<br />
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It is a great question. He will answer you.<br />
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Remember you are talking with a loving father. He created each of us. We are his children. Remember also, that he knows all and is not deceived, so ask sincerely.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtEXzo__bAJ8xiksL7lBOhJP2WwC5DZZ6_sj4Bm8r0WTEYVCPyJVTnYEXKRfmdgtEfu_0xh_smYYX6imZcbsJPkW4WG3yQL1fDGrto5fRuIH1dfCNftNvCm8zHckfCjd9MxN-6cWBlw2bu/s1600/James_1five_bckgrd+none.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="556" data-original-width="796" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtEXzo__bAJ8xiksL7lBOhJP2WwC5DZZ6_sj4Bm8r0WTEYVCPyJVTnYEXKRfmdgtEfu_0xh_smYYX6imZcbsJPkW4WG3yQL1fDGrto5fRuIH1dfCNftNvCm8zHckfCjd9MxN-6cWBlw2bu/s400/James_1five_bckgrd+none.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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I have asked. I witness that God does exist, and that he answers his children. He wants to help us be happy.<br />
<br />
I have also asked about my existence and purpose.<br />
<br />
I have learned about God’s plan; a plan of mercy, resurrection, redemption, and happiness (Book of Mormon, <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/42?lang=eng">Alma 42:16</a>).<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">THE PLAN</span></b><br />
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The “Plan of Happiness” is for every human, each mortal being. It comes to mortals through Jesus Christ, God’s own begotten son. “God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him” (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-jn/4.9?lang=eng#8">1 John 4:9</a>).<br />
<br />
Quentin L Cook, an apostle in our time, teaches that "... because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, all spirits blessed by birth will ultimately be resurrected, spirit and body reunited, and inherit kingdoms of glory that are superior to our existence here on earth."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLxSBiu2G-b7hXBcl66G__J7r4pC87HwsbqQvXEOcAEBEetKseGyxHIpckx7w-l0QJDTE529SjtpMKEVjYUaCQ-a1y18KG5Jystn7tOjTcdtYISP7vzW6VJBGMEIc__IpoqKjudNh-1pKu/s1600/quentin-l-cook-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLxSBiu2G-b7hXBcl66G__J7r4pC87HwsbqQvXEOcAEBEetKseGyxHIpckx7w-l0QJDTE529SjtpMKEVjYUaCQ-a1y18KG5Jystn7tOjTcdtYISP7vzW6VJBGMEIc__IpoqKjudNh-1pKu/s200/quentin-l-cook-large.jpg" width="158" /></a><br />
Elder Cook's April 2009 General Conference talk is titled<a href="http://lds.org/pages/our-fathers-plan?lang=eng&query=quentin+l+cook"> Our Father's Plan - Big Enough For All His Children</a>. Truly all people (except a very, very few [i] ) will receive this gift of joyous life from Jesus Christ. We all die but we all will live again and will live in conditions "superior to our existence here on earth."<br />
<br />
Those conditions will be mostly of our own choosing. We make choices here on earth about that happiness and what we desire, and there we will live with all the joy we truly desire. Even those that are NOT always completely obedient[ii] to God, here in mortality, will eventually have a place of glory there greater than this earth!<br />
<br />
<b>Amazing!!</b><br />
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Each of us will live after death as the scriptures and prophets teach. There is hope and happiness for every one of us. We can not begin to comprehend this promise of happiness and exceeding joy.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht279D3cMNJAUZfnm87rsU7AAp4nS44afU3_bn9TfztWczUEe2Z39-h1U2WdX4xQiAQIecqkElY5SGkE7or5jll5FfyleF6l5nu09d87KyewL-BCmEmt4ME0NEIezfn1XtLASUl8JSdptX/s1600/couple5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht279D3cMNJAUZfnm87rsU7AAp4nS44afU3_bn9TfztWczUEe2Z39-h1U2WdX4xQiAQIecqkElY5SGkE7or5jll5FfyleF6l5nu09d87KyewL-BCmEmt4ME0NEIezfn1XtLASUl8JSdptX/s400/couple5.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Do we realize the hope for the REALITY of enduring happiness?</td></tr>
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<br />
God made the universe, this world, and our first parents, Adam and Eve. He made them to be together, and commanded them to remain together. Marriage, a man and a woman raising a family together, was created and defined by God. It is an essential part of enduring happiness.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8t0Ux4_SlWcFi909FMeTeKIHk2FE07p0Es4DLf-PAxIak1DAKsk4dIxGDO3_puSU4wwVY4wL8MrjqAzM9bqHmA_al0lKAxWZI4ywUsMC47mBVVFxZQnGk_vXzS6KT6462sp_xRbuP11Z_/s1600/the+introduction+Nathan+Greene.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8t0Ux4_SlWcFi909FMeTeKIHk2FE07p0Es4DLf-PAxIak1DAKsk4dIxGDO3_puSU4wwVY4wL8MrjqAzM9bqHmA_al0lKAxWZI4ywUsMC47mBVVFxZQnGk_vXzS6KT6462sp_xRbuP11Z_/s400/the+introduction+Nathan+Greene.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;"><a href="https://www.nathangreene.com/prod_detail_list/72">The Introduction, Nathan Greene</a></td></tr>
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“Marriage … is ordained of God”<br />
(<a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true">The Family, A Proclamation to the World</a>).<br />
<br />
God wants us to be happy. He tells us how to increase happiness, and have more lasting joy. Like most opportunities with enticing potential, this greater promise has conditions to be met and penalties to be avoided.<br />
<br />
When a man and a woman are united in marriage as God commanded, the blessings promised are exponentially more than is possible in any other way.<br />
<br />
“<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/perfect-love-casteth-out-fear?lang=eng">Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear</a>,” an April 2017 general conference talk explains God’s mercy and love:<br />
<br />
“The more I come to know my Heavenly Father, the more I see how He inspires and leads His children. He is not angry, vengeful, or retaliatory.<span style="font-size: x-small;">[iii]</span><a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/perfect-love-casteth-out-fear?lang=eng#note4"></a> His very purpose—His work and His glory—is to mentor us, exalt us, and lead us to His fulness<span style="font-size: x-small;">.<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/perfect-love-casteth-out-fear?lang=eng#note5"></a>[iv]</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBLRe3WoZRS0hawRYAdfXWKBYN14eqFkwZIHwnR7gWoul3lwzVZXnjmTXVdlGC8ICH5JMgUpRHOrVo80z6vpLtRFQ5U006W4dW-D6Ryc37DYNRwV6_ezthNwGx8AEXu70_rdwwvV8hO5Bb/s1600/Parable+of+the+Lost+Sheep.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBLRe3WoZRS0hawRYAdfXWKBYN14eqFkwZIHwnR7gWoul3lwzVZXnjmTXVdlGC8ICH5JMgUpRHOrVo80z6vpLtRFQ5U006W4dW-D6Ryc37DYNRwV6_ezthNwGx8AEXu70_rdwwvV8hO5Bb/s400/Parable+of+the+Lost+Sheep.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">(Christ) Rescue of the Lost Lamb, by Minerva K. Teichert (video: <a href="https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2011-10-063-jesus-declares-the-parable-of-the-lost-sheep?lang=eng">Parable of the Lost Sheep</a>)</td></tr>
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<br />
"God described Himself to Moses as 'merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth.'<span style="font-size: x-small;">[v]</span><br />
<br />
"Our Father in Heaven’s love for us, His children, surpasses by far our ability to comprehend<span style="font-size: x-small;">.<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/perfect-love-casteth-out-fear?lang=eng#note7"></a>[vi]</span><br />
<br />
"Does this mean that God condones or overlooks behaviors that run contrary to His commands? No, definitely not!<br />
<br />
"But He wants to change more than just our behaviors. He wants to change our very natures. He wants to change our hearts.<br />
<br />
"He wants us to reach out and take firm hold of the iron rod [his word], confront our fears, and bravely step forward and upward along the strait and narrow path. He wants this for us because He loves us and because this is the way to happiness.<br />
<br />
"So, how does God motivate His children to follow Him in our day?<br />
<br />
"He sent His Son!"(<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/perfect-love-casteth-out-fear?lang=eng">President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, April 2017</a>).<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnFpNHFC_0W7jTeDMr9xt0wpZKqtwEau6SITDB7ZJwr4rBMxyslJTL_ASX7v_DrEk2PA0R1PiUM4wqGQpBPeG8dICxA76aZyfzfR9Gmk1ohBsWBdRbSIG_r_ZRMYljBOIQMTlKDwwLyik/s1600/prophet-isaiah-foretells-christs-birth-39469-gallery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnFpNHFC_0W7jTeDMr9xt0wpZKqtwEau6SITDB7ZJwr4rBMxyslJTL_ASX7v_DrEk2PA0R1PiUM4wqGQpBPeG8dICxA76aZyfzfR9Gmk1ohBsWBdRbSIG_r_ZRMYljBOIQMTlKDwwLyik/s400/prophet-isaiah-foretells-christs-birth-39469-gallery.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;"><div class="MsoNormal">
"The Prophet Isaiah Foretells Christ's Birth" by Harry Anderson.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
"God sent His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to show us the right way.<br />
<br />
“God motivates through persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned.<span style="font-size: x-small;">[vii] </span>God is on our side. He loves us, and when we stumble, He wants us to rise up, try again, and become stronger. . . .<br />
<br />
“ 'God knows you perfectly. He loves you perfectly. He knows what your future holds. He wants you to 'be not afraid, only believe'<span style="font-size: x-small;">[viii]</span> and 'abide in his [perfect] love'<span style="font-size: x-small;">[ix]</span> (<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/perfect-love-casteth-out-fear?lang=eng">President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, April 2017</a>).<br />
<br />
He has a plan. His plan is for ALL of his children to be happy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [i] <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/76.32-37?lang=eng#31">Doctrine and Covenants 76:32-37</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [ii]<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/76.84-86?lang=eng#83">Doctrine and Covenants 76: 81-86</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [iii] On one occasion, the Savior wanted to enter a village of the Samaritans, but the people rejected Jesus and would not receive Him into their village. Two of His disciples were deeply offended by this and asked, “Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” Jesus answered with this caution: “You do not know what manner of spirit you are of. For the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives but to save them” (see Luke 9:51–56, New King James Version [1982]).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [iv] See <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/moses/1.39?lang=eng#38">Moses 1:39</a>; see also <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/eph/3.19?lang=eng#18">Ephesians 3:19</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [v] <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ex/34.6?lang=eng#5">Exodus 34:6</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [vi] See <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/eph/3.19?lang=eng#18">Ephesians 3:19</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [vii] See <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.41?lang=eng#40">Doctrine and Covenants 121:41</a>. Surely if God expects us, His mortal children, to behave this way toward each other, He—a perfect being possessed of every virtue—would be the model for such behavior.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [viii] <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/mark/5.36?lang=eng#35">Mark 5:36</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> [ix] <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/15.10?lang=eng#9">John 15:10</a>.</span></div>
Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-65498177515206613412017-05-06T15:05:00.000-07:002017-06-08T15:59:21.775-07:00ONE VOICE: LOST IN CHORUS<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oV3N-N925IE/WQ1xMZ9uRwI/AAAAAAAAI24/uxbyufnO2Fw6AcXEMQ_EjKmWB0Bopy-cACPcB/s1600/1998%2BSupreme%2BCourt%2Bszd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="95" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oV3N-N925IE/WQ1xMZ9uRwI/AAAAAAAAI24/uxbyufnO2Fw6AcXEMQ_EjKmWB0Bopy-cACPcB/s400/1998%2BSupreme%2BCourt%2Bszd.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: center;">Supreme Court, Wikipedia</td></tr>
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<div>
<br /></div>
NOTE: Majority as referenced in dissents below refers to five Supreme Court judges who have ruled, in a divided court, in favor of <a href="https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf">Obergefell v. Hodges</a>. No. 14–556. Argued April 28, 2015—Decided June 26, 2015*<br />
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dDu-y0hgEjc/WQ1xMTQ4pYI/AAAAAAAAI24/UEFpwgZhkK0EMfM7HIcJw7sL0sLcLg_IwCPcB/s1600/640px-Roberts%2BSupreme_Court_US_Oct2010%2BFeb2016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dDu-y0hgEjc/WQ1xMTQ4pYI/AAAAAAAAI24/UEFpwgZhkK0EMfM7HIcJw7sL0sLcLg_IwCPcB/s400/640px-Roberts%2BSupreme_Court_US_Oct2010%2BFeb2016.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Roberts Supreme Court, Wikipedia</td></tr>
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<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In October 2014 term, on 26 June 2015, five judges of the Supreme Court of the United States of America ruled that “the State laws challenged by Petitioners . . . are now held invalid to the extent they exclude same-sex couples from civil marriage on the same terms and conditions as opposite-sex couples” ( p.23) … and that, “same sex couples may exercise the fundamental right to marry in all States” (p.28).</div>
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<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I disagree with these rulings.<br />
<br />
I am one voice, only one …in an undiminished chorus of voices.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JOqu-jpSJN8/WQ1xMfc6xNI/AAAAAAAAI3c/2guy3VpIX-oiLduJVTRQfg78D1cyF8iOgCPcB/s1600/9283-031-P.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="96" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JOqu-jpSJN8/WQ1xMfc6xNI/AAAAAAAAI3c/2guy3VpIX-oiLduJVTRQfg78D1cyF8iOgCPcB/s400/9283-031-P.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">The Authority of the Law statue, Supreme Court Building</td></tr>
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<div>
<br />
My grandmother, Elna Bohne Campbell, sang in a church choir. My mother begged to go with her and sing too. She loves to sing, but could not join the choir before she became the required age of nine. Rules have reason, and provide order.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsU4RrMMIdt0vdeH5tDEDcz-XhVsi0S2IYY8r1EHrxAXBYg-27CbNRQWeBaJNeZnhm2wCla8bsm829hhW1sakFgzJVSj-8HdhV9PrKBeZ3lpRIjIWX-U5o5L8VPrsNYUCpFlQ4LOX3dg0/s1600/Elna+Campbell+by+ship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLsU4RrMMIdt0vdeH5tDEDcz-XhVsi0S2IYY8r1EHrxAXBYg-27CbNRQWeBaJNeZnhm2wCla8bsm829hhW1sakFgzJVSj-8HdhV9PrKBeZ3lpRIjIWX-U5o5L8VPrsNYUCpFlQ4LOX3dg0/s400/Elna+Campbell+by+ship.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Elna Bohne Campbell</td></tr>
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<br />
I remember mother singing. She knows all the words to almost all the hymns and many folk songs. She taught us, her 10 children, to sing – together. One child had a quiet voice and retiring personality. My voice is naturally loud! It can be easily heard without a microphone – when I whisper.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2-IOGlaLHZE/WQ16RyF-_PI/AAAAAAAAI4s/cpTIQ5N_KcMlMcY5mgdiL2tsop78DVpEACPcB/s1600/Jean%2BCampbell003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2-IOGlaLHZE/WQ16RyF-_PI/AAAAAAAAI4s/cpTIQ5N_KcMlMcY5mgdiL2tsop78DVpEACPcB/s320/Jean%2BCampbell003.jpg" width="252" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">My mother, as an older child</td></tr>
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<br />
Each of us is a bit different.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HsaBrONDrjk/WQ1xMZ0ZPqI/AAAAAAAAI34/RzCGMCgg-Jo5vmDduoKHi81VwRRXnIKygCPcB/s1600/150px-Official_roberts_CJ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HsaBrONDrjk/WQ1xMZ0ZPqI/AAAAAAAAI34/RzCGMCgg-Jo5vmDduoKHi81VwRRXnIKygCPcB/s200/150px-Official_roberts_CJ.jpg" width="158" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: center;">Chief Justice John G. Roberts</td></tr>
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So too are the opinions of the voices<br />
. . . on<b> all</b> sides of this issue.<br />
<br />
Many, many other voices are similar to mine.<br />
<br />
How many? According to the Chief Justice C. J. Roberts of the U.S. Supreme Court, “tens of millions of people who voted to reaffirm their States’ enduring definition of marriage” (Roberts, C.J., dissenting; 576 U.S. ___ 2015; p. 28).<br />
<br />
I blend my voice with theirs. We dissent.<br />
<br />
Our voices join four of the nine Supreme Court judges who dissented in our behalf. (See quotes below).<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>ALL — TOGETHER</b></span><br />
<br />
Our family often sang together. Mom and Dad taught that every voice should be able to be heard. I needed both their voices.<br />
<br />
From them, we learned that every person is of value; each deserves kindness and respect. I learned to modulate my voice so that it was part of the whole. These practices bound us together. It built something otherwise impossible to achieve.<br />
<br />
If one voice in a choir fails to blend with surrounding voices, all may notice and hear that voice. It may seem dominant, but is merely out of harmony. It sets itself apart, but not in desirable ways.<br />
<br />
If it continues unabated, oblivious to the rest of the chorus, or the harmonies of the choir, it is destructive to self and to the whole. Every voice is needed, and each must learn how to contribute—each to be part of the whole.<br />
<br />
All voices have rights. I have rights! Your rights do not negate mine, and mine do not negate yours, and neither of our voices negate the rights or needs of coming generations. Every child needs both biological parents.<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>WHOLE CHORUS OF PARTS</b></span><br />
<br />
We are all a single chorus, the chorus of humanity, and must learn to sing together.<br />
<br />
It is, always, a sorry day when men and women require legislatures and courts to instruct them regarding kindness, respect, or other social graces. Judges and politicians then force divergent opinions to be imposed for almost everyone.<br />
<br />
When I feel all is lost, and perhaps alone, one of my favorite songs learned from my mother, helps me remember to look forward with good cheer.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcJa3KiTHIs">SING YOUR WAY HOME</a><br />
<br />
Sing your way home<br />
At the close of the day...<br />
Sing your way home,<br />
Drive the shadows away.<br />
Smile every mile<br />
For wherever you roam<br />
It will brighten your road,<br />
It will lighten your load,<br />
If you sing your way home.<br />
<br />
<b>We can learn to sing together.</b><br />
<br />
Dissents from:<br />
<br />
<b>“JUSTICE [SAMUEL A] ALITO,</b><br />
<b><br /></b><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-55COGFCdqg4/WQ1xMb84SLI/AAAAAAAAI34/kFrYQk6cYrQuKYP1d03nc2VqZ4YsdAAvQCPcB/s1600/150px-010_alito.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-55COGFCdqg4/WQ1xMb84SLI/AAAAAAAAI34/kFrYQk6cYrQuKYP1d03nc2VqZ4YsdAAvQCPcB/s1600/150px-010_alito.jpg" /></a>with whom JUSTICE SCALIA and JUSTICE THOMAS join, dissenting.<br />
<br />
<i>“Today’s decision </i><i>[26 June 2015] </i><i>shows that decades of attempts to restrain [the Supreme] Court’s abuse of its authority have failed. A lesson . . . it evidences is the deep and perhaps irremediable corruption of our legal culture’s conception of constitutional interpretation.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>“Most Americans—understandably—will cheer or lament today’s decision because of their views on the issue . . . . But all Americans, whatever their thinking on that issue, should worry about what the majority's claim of power portends”(Alito, J., dissenting; 576 U.S.___ 2015; pp.7-8;).</i><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="CM17" style="line-height: 17.12px;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><b>“JUSTICE [CLARENCE] THOMAS,</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F-lQWsrrc4g/WQ1xMd8ZYAI/AAAAAAAAI3c/HkMVcOX89A8ABq8zBPQQ4bTNjK6gkeC4wCPcB/s1600/150px-Clarence_Thomas_official_SCOTUS_portrait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F-lQWsrrc4g/WQ1xMd8ZYAI/AAAAAAAAI3c/HkMVcOX89A8ABq8zBPQQ4bTNjK6gkeC4wCPcB/s1600/150px-Clarence_Thomas_official_SCOTUS_portrait.jpg" /></a> with whom JUSTICE SCALIA joins, dissenting.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>“The majority’s decision today [26 June 2015]. . . distorts the constitutional text, which guarantees only whatever ‘process’ is ‘due’ before a person is deprived of life, liberty, and property. Worse, it invites judges to do exactly what the majority has done here—‘“roa[m] at large in the constitutional field” guided only by their personal views’ as to the ‘“fundamental rights”’ protected by that document. By straying from the text of the Constitution, substantive due process exalts judges at the expense of the People from whom they derive their authority.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>“Petitioners . . . ask nine judges on this Court to enshrine their definition of marriage in the Federal Constitution and thus put it beyond the reach of the normal democratic process for the entire Nation. That a 'bare majority' of this Court, ante, at 25, is able to grant this wish, wiping out with a stroke of the keyboard the results of the political process in over 30 States, based on a provision that guarantees only 'due process' is but further evidence of the danger of substantive due process” </i>(Thomas, J., dissenting; 576 U.S. ___ 2015; pp. 2-3).<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><b>“JUSTICE [ANTONIN] SCALIA,</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i>“I join THE CHIEF JUSTICE’s opinion in full. I write separately to call attention to this Court’s threat to American democracy. . . .[I]t is not of special importance to me what the law says about marriage. It is of overwhelming importance, however, who it is that rules me. Today’s decree </i><i>[26 June 2015]</i><i> says that my Ruler, and the Ruler of 320 million Americans coast-to-coast, is a majority of the nine lawyers on the Supreme Court. The opinion in these cases is the furthest extension in fact—and the furthest extension one can even imagine—of the Court’s claimed power to create ‘liberties’ that the Constitution and its Amendments neglect to mention. This practice of constitutional revision by an unelected committee of nine, always accompanied (as it is today) by extravagant praise of liberty, robs the People of the most important liberty they asserted in the Declaration of Independence and won in the Revolution of 1776: the freedom to govern themselves. . . . This is a naked judicial claim to legislative—indeed, super-legislative—power; </i>(Scalia, J., dissenting; 576 U.S.___ 2015; pp.1-5).<i> </i><br />
<i><br />“[W]hat really astounds is the hubris<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%203%20lsn%202/Posts/One%20Voice%20in%20Chorus.docx#_edn1">[i]</a> reflected in today’s judicial Putsch<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%203%20lsn%202/Posts/One%20Voice%20in%20Chorus.docx#_edn2">[ii]</a> . The five Justices who compose today’s majority are entirely comfortable concluding that . . .[t]hey have discovered in the Fourteenth Amendment a ‘fundamental right’ overlooked by every person alive at the time of ratification, and almost everyone else in the time since” </i>(Scalia, J., dissenting; 576 U.S. ___ 2015; pp.6-7).</div>
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with whom JUSTICE SCALIA and JUSTICE THOMAS join, dissenting.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“<i>Under the Constitution, judges have power to say what the law is, not what it should be. The people who ratified the Constitution authorized courts to exercise ‘neither force nor will but merely judgment.’ . . . The majority’s decision is an act of will, not legal judgment. The right it announces has no basis in the Constitution or this Court’s precedent. … It seizes for itself a question the Constitution leaves to the people, at a time when the people are engaged in a vibrant debate on that question. And it answers that question based not on neutral principles of constitutional law, but on its own ‘understanding of what freedom is and must become.’” Ante, at 19 </i>(Roberts, C. J., dissenting; 576 U.S. ___ 2015; pp. 2-3)<o:p></o:p><br />
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“<i>Our cases have consistently refused to allow litigants to convert the shield provided by constitutional liberties into a sword to demand positive entitlements from the State. . . . The Court’s accumulation of power does not occur in a vacuum. It comes at the expense of the people. And they know it” </i>(Roberts, C. J., dissenting; 576 U.S. ___ 2015; p. 18).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>“When decisions are reached through democratic means, some people will inevitably be disappointed with the results. But those whose views do not prevail at least know that they have had their say, and accordingly are—in the tradition of our political culture—reconciled to the result of a fair and honest debate. In addition, they can gear up to raise the issue later, hoping to persuade enough on the winning side to think again. ‘That is exactly how our system of government is supposed to work.’ Post, at 2–3 (SCALIA, J., dissenting)”</i> (Roberts, C. J., dissenting; 576 U.S. ___ 2015; p. 26).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>“But today the Court puts a stop to all that. By deciding this question under the Constitution, the Court removes it from the realm of democratic decision. . . . Federal courts are blunt instruments when it comes to creating rights. They have constitutional power only to resolve concrete cases or controversies; they do not have the flexibility of legislatures to address concerns of parties not before the court or to anticipate problems that may arise from the exercise of a new right”</i> (Roberts, C.J., dissenting; 576 U.S. ___ 2015; pp. 26-27).<o:p></o:p></div>
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“<i>Perhaps the most discouraging aspect of today’s decision is the extent to which the majority feels compelled to sully those on the other side of the debate. . . . The majority reiterates such characterizations over and over . . . to portray everyone who does not share the majority’s ‘better informed understanding’ as bigoted. Ante, at 19”</i> (Roberts, C.J., dissenting; 576 U.S. ___ 2015; pp. 27-28).<o:p></o:p></div>
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*Decisions in conjunction with three other cases also on certiorari<sup><a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%203%20lsn%202/Posts/One%20Voice%20in%20Chorus.docx#_edn3" name="_ednref3" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">[iii]</span></span></span></a></sup> to the same court.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%203%20lsn%202/Posts/One%20Voice%20in%20Chorus.docx#_ednref2" name="_edn2" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;">[ii]</span></span></span></a> judicial Putsch: a suddenly executed overthrow<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/LiRu/Desktop/BYUI%20Jan%202017/a%20FAML%20300%20Marriage/Blog%20posts%20and%20pictures/Wk%203%20lsn%202/Posts/One%20Voice%20in%20Chorus.docx#_ednref3" name="_edn3" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;">[iii]</span></span></span></a> certiorari: request to higher court from lower courts claiming injustice<br />
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-58333745497059620812017-04-29T14:56:00.000-07:002017-06-08T15:57:41.719-07:00PLOWING THRU: MARRIAGE TRENDS<div style="line-height: 17.12px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i>“[W]e recognize the signs of change. The rising median age of first marriage, now 27 for women and 29 for men, is linked to a rapid rise in cohabitation prior to marriage and a dramatic increase in the number of children born outside of marriage. A growing number of couples, both young and old, now live together with no plans to marry eventually. For first marriages recently formed, between 40 and 50 percent are likely to end in divorce. The divorce rate for remarriages is higher than that for first marriages."</i><br />
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(<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; line-height: 17.12px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.stateofourunions.org/">The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 201</a>2; <a href="http://www.stateofourunions.org/2012/presidents-marriage-agenda.php">President’s Marriage Agenda for the ForgottenSixty Percen</a>t</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">)</span></span><i>.</i><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: center;">A moment in time, snapshot</td></tr>
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<b><br />Snowflakes</b> are fragile, and fascinating.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cn3V2BLkqIk/WQTEB-rPI0I/AAAAAAAAIvU/ocpOozf3vk0ol68lUe2_3cxtrgEdVFd6wCPcB/s1600/snowlfake%2Band%2Bbaby%2Bon%2Bjacket%2Bfabric.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cn3V2BLkqIk/WQTEB-rPI0I/AAAAAAAAIvU/ocpOozf3vk0ol68lUe2_3cxtrgEdVFd6wCPcB/s320/snowlfake%2Band%2Bbaby%2Bon%2Bjacket%2Bfabric.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Tiny flakes magnified against slick windbreaker. </td></tr>
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A single snowflake falls softly.<br />
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Floating down, almost unnoticed, it seems to matter little.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Isolated, single 3D snowflake, </td></tr>
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A societal<a href="http://www.stateofourunions.org/2012/social_indicators.php#divorce"> trend toward divorce</a>, starting in 1960 seemed, at first, like seeing a few flakes – of no lasting consequence.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Magnification on fleece near jacket zipper.</td></tr>
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And a few single flakes little affect most.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Complex, yet individually different,<br />
floating so lightly that a point-and-shoot photo shows structure</td></tr>
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Seeing them, just those few flakes, laying about harmlessly – on my jacket or car – easily swept from my porch, I may ignore impending realities. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5mV8Uv1QXeI86281miRbdJ6dHleOgzXtI6gbhnzwtwP-JHcbiueSbkLFTqQJnzbX_lYbuDTnJlZIXvmE-CDBtmwyaBF5YkoBe2kQWOZCJShmURjUnA3vNQCnc84G8PvR4h2jiJfrALIav/s1600/real+snowflake+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5mV8Uv1QXeI86281miRbdJ6dHleOgzXtI6gbhnzwtwP-JHcbiueSbkLFTqQJnzbX_lYbuDTnJlZIXvmE-CDBtmwyaBF5YkoBe2kQWOZCJShmURjUnA3vNQCnc84G8PvR4h2jiJfrALIav/s1600/real+snowflake+4.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">On the car, mostly melting as they touch down.</td></tr>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4eUIo0MgZKE/WQTEBwbxCwI/AAAAAAAAIvU/Ix9KOw-kuEkyw2V6MsRpDZCNEuY330mAQCPcB/s1600/snowflakes%2Bcaught%2Bby%2Bwiper.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4eUIo0MgZKE/WQTEBwbxCwI/AAAAAAAAIvU/Ix9KOw-kuEkyw2V6MsRpDZCNEuY330mAQCPcB/s400/snowflakes%2Bcaught%2Bby%2Bwiper.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Snowflakes can accumulate, however, and obscure perception.</div>
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Sometimes snowflakes begin unexpectedly, just a few at a time, after a single cold night, but as days change to weeks, and weeks to months, the cold of winter arrives - changing everything.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Piles and piles of snowflakes broken into individual 'feathers,' each a part of an exquisite original. </td></tr>
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I must make conscious, consistent efforts to clean walks and clear driveways to maintain safety and mobility.<o:p></o:p><br />
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“<a href="http://www.stateofourunions.org/">The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012</a>,” a joint publication of the <i>National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia </i>and the <i>Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values</i> notes:<br />
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“<b>[S]omething astonishing has happened. In ‘Middle America,’ defined here as the nearly 60 percent of Americans aged 25 to 60 who have a high school but not a four-year college degree, marriage is rapidly slipping away (p.2)</b>,” and “<b>living together is even more unstable than marriage, especially for children, and the pain of breakups does not appear to be much mitigated if no marriage vow was made in the first place</b> (p.28).”<o:p></o:p><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a-XaqQ2XGVw/WQTG_5-QgYI/AAAAAAAAIxE/D8MjnXkHI-IdCYZn2SnqxLVc3c-Sjxe1QCPcB/s1600/divorce_trend.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a-XaqQ2XGVw/WQTG_5-QgYI/AAAAAAAAIxE/D8MjnXkHI-IdCYZn2SnqxLVc3c-Sjxe1QCPcB/s400/divorce_trend.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012; <a href="http://www.stateofourunions.org/2012/social_indicators.php#divorce">Social Indicators of Health and Well-being</a>; <a href="http://www.stateofourunions.org/2012/social_indicators.php#divorce">Divorce</a> </td></tr>
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America as a whole, has startling statistics quietly drifting into potentially mountainous problems. Where are the plows?<o:p></o:p><br />
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<br />
Religious leaders worldwide are taking note. And speaking out.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZLmLySKRam8/WQTEByJ88UI/AAAAAAAAIvU/NTD9ce2GJBYJcHMhxP_t7H8eE0EdGh2NACPcB/s1600/snowflake%2B9%2Bsign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZLmLySKRam8/WQTEByJ88UI/AAAAAAAAIvU/NTD9ce2GJBYJcHMhxP_t7H8eE0EdGh2NACPcB/s400/snowflake%2B9%2Bsign.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Porch sign being buried into oblivion.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Marriage matters. Divorce, cohabitation, and single parenting erode well-being of children and adults.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--Ca7oG_fpLM/WQTEByX2PvI/AAAAAAAAIvU/RBJggHypGT0FI-S00PMWZ34RKl7nrigbACPcB/s1600/snowflake%2B7%2Bshovel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--Ca7oG_fpLM/WQTEByX2PvI/AAAAAAAAIvU/RBJggHypGT0FI-S00PMWZ34RKl7nrigbACPcB/s400/snowflake%2B7%2Bshovel.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Shoveling to clear snow before it becomes compacted ice<br />
prevents problems.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
At the November 18, 2014 <a href="http://www.ncregister.com/blog/edward-pentin/pope-francis-address-to-colloquium-on-complementarity-of-man-and-woman" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Vatican Summit</a>, “The Complementarity of Man and Woman; An International Interreligious Colloquium,” a translation of Pope Francis’ address reminded all listening that men and women both contribute vital benefits to marriage and family life.<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TF9MY2D3Hwk/WQ0FVdG_LkI/AAAAAAAAIyU/PebJqCwFiusdtoMmJjHlDh8jBdOmZpoOwCPcB/s1600/400-vatican-summit-banner-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TF9MY2D3Hwk/WQ0FVdG_LkI/AAAAAAAAIyU/PebJqCwFiusdtoMmJjHlDh8jBdOmZpoOwCPcB/s400/400-vatican-summit-banner-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
He said, “I would like to begin by sharing with you a reflection on the title of your colloquium. You must admit that “complementarity” does not roll lightly off the tongue! Yet it is a word into which many meanings are compressed. It refers to situations where one of two things adds to, completes, or fulfills a lack in the other. . . .<br />
"Yet complementarity is more than this. Christians find its deepest meaning in . . . work[ing] together for the good of the whole-everyone’s gifts can work together for the benefit of each. (cf. 1 Cor. 12). To reflect upon “complementarity” is nothing less than to ponder the dynamic harmonies at the heart of all Creation. This is a big word, harmony. All complementarities were made by our Creator, so the Author of harmony achieves this harmony.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Qs9D4zsYkac/WQ0Fa-eZGXI/AAAAAAAAIyo/TVAr9NJms0AucwUHb3EZFdlJqk7Fh_NzQCPcB/s1600/papa-francesco.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Qs9D4zsYkac/WQ0Fa-eZGXI/AAAAAAAAIyo/TVAr9NJms0AucwUHb3EZFdlJqk7Fh_NzQCPcB/s320/papa-francesco.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;"><a href="https://www.churchmilitant.com/news/article/pope-stressing-complementarity-of-man-and-woman">Pope Francis</a>,<br />
266th and current Pope of the Roman Catholic Church </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
“[T]he complementarity of man and woman . . . is a root of marriage and family.<br />
<br />
. . . [W]e know, families give rise to tensions: between egoism and altruism, reason and passion, immediate desires and long-range goals. But families also provide frameworks for resolving such tensions. This is important. When we speak of complementarity between man and woman in this context, let us not confuse that term with the simplistic idea that all the roles and relations of the two sexes are fixed in a single, static pattern. Complementarity will take many forms as each man and woman brings his or her distinctive contributions to their marriage and to the formation of their children — his or her personal richness, personal charisma. Complementarity becomes a great wealth. It is not just a good thing but it is also beautiful” (Pope Francis).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oV0Zp96Dz0c/WQ0SPmu-PyI/AAAAAAAAIzE/gaVzC-5QbmoaflrrjHESwleWcjKNsg18wCPcB/s1600/Eyring_at_Colloquim4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oV0Zp96Dz0c/WQ0SPmu-PyI/AAAAAAAAIzE/gaVzC-5QbmoaflrrjHESwleWcjKNsg18wCPcB/s400/Eyring_at_Colloquim4.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">President Henry B. Eyring<br />
of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
During the Colloquium, invited speaker <a href="https://www.lds.org/church/news/president-eyring-champions-marriage-at-interfaith-gathering?lang=eng">President Henry B Eyring</a>, counselor in the first presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, remarked: “a man and a woman, united in marriage, have a transcendent power to create happiness for themselves, for their family, and for the people around them.” Reading from“<a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&cid=PA0414-02">The Family: A Proclamation to the World</a>,” he reminded all listening that martial and family duties are sacred, and called for a “renaissance” of happy marriages.<br />
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Occasionally sudden fierce storms may force flurries to pile into every crevice and cranny. Action is needed, notice must be taken, and even potential emergencies declared so that broad societal and government policies and contingency plans may prevent widespread harm.<br />
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But, blustering blizzards with gale force winds or fluctuating temperatures may envelop homes or communities with the weights of ice or snow that down trees, destroy power grids, and <a href="http://globalnews.ca/news/3380947/eastern-weekend-snowfall-continues-in-edmonton-causes-power-outage-in-alberta-communities/">immobilize whole populations</a>.</div>
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Experts are forewarning America and the world of approaching disaster.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Penn State behavioral scientist and sociologist Dr. Paul R. Amato, in multiple meta-analyses with various collaborators, examines overall marriage and family trends in his 2005 article, “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation."<o:p></o:p><br />
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Amato describes a growing cultural divide of overall well-being between children of two married parents and children in step families, or of divorced, cohabiting, or single parents. The latter categories all having “lower average levels of cognitive, social, and emotional well-being,” with effects lasting “well into adulthood” (p.77).<o:p></o:p><br />
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“The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012,” quoting Amato and others, declares “[T]oday the greatest source of inequality in America is not economic but cultural, stemming from millions of Americans losing touch with founding virtues. (p.8).”<o:p></o:p><br />
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“[M]arried couples on average build greater wealth than single persons do …. [It] stands to reason that stable families with two parents and two potential earners will have greater resources to weather bad times and to enjoy good times . . . (p.28).<o:p></o:p><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Njr6kmxWZg4/WQTEB-Tu8AI/AAAAAAAAIvU/wig5sWoUamwwfoNYKaV8hq_ZtWqVGTLLwCPcB/s1600/snow%2Bdrifts.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Njr6kmxWZg4/WQTEB-Tu8AI/AAAAAAAAIvU/wig5sWoUamwwfoNYKaV8hq_ZtWqVGTLLwCPcB/s400/snow%2Bdrifts.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Daily diligence is needed in stormy weather to keep pathways clear.</td></tr>
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Does one choice matter?<br />
It seems so insignificantly small.<br />
Do the actions of one person make a difference? </div>
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Amato offered this insight and suggestion:<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Increasing the share of adolescents living with two biological parents to the 1970 level . . . would mean that 643,264 fewer children would repeat a grade. Increasing the share of adolescents in two-parent families to the 1960 level suggests that nearly three-quarters of a million fewer children would repeat a grade. Similarly, increasing marital stability to its 1980 level would result in nearly half a million fewer children suspended from school, about 200,000 fewer children engaging in delinquency or violence, a quarter of a million fewer children receiving therapy, about a quarter of a million fewer smokers, about 80,000 fewer children thinking about suicide, and about 28,000 fewer children attempting suicide” (p.13).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yjkMy4zBHD0/WQTEB6LP1lI/AAAAAAAAIvU/T_IN4Jcr2qcOU5x62r4VyEHFwtF9qKmcACPcB/s1600/snowflake%2B13%2Bto%2Bice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="333" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yjkMy4zBHD0/WQTEB6LP1lI/AAAAAAAAIvU/T_IN4Jcr2qcOU5x62r4VyEHFwtF9qKmcACPcB/s400/snowflake%2B13%2Bto%2Bice.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Storms, winter 2017,<br />
layered heavy ice onto every surface repeatedly, requiring removal after each storm -<br />
removal by <span style="font-size: 12.8px;">persistently breaking the hazard into manageable bits!</span> </td></tr>
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<br />
“[E]ven small, incremental changes that improve the health of marriage in America will reduce suffering for children and their families and will yield significant cost savings for taxpayers<br />
(The State of Our Unions Marriage in America 2012, Executive Summary, pp. xi-xii)<br />
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<br /></div>
<div>
We have a good snow shovel and an ice breaker. This winter we needed good tools when ice storms battered our community. Sadly, we had a few icy storms in the house too! We weathered the harsh winter by being prepared. Habits, promoting togetherness, help us turn to God and each other seeking solutions. And we asked for help, too. Having trusted resources can provide a safety net.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BHdx8ZNJaTw/WQTEBw9Bv5I/AAAAAAAAIvU/os8woAX4Z4oKCit11Oc6OTa_2nZA-NmRQCPcB/s1600/snowflake%2B14%2Bboys%2Bhelp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BHdx8ZNJaTw/WQTEBw9Bv5I/AAAAAAAAIvU/os8woAX4Z4oKCit11Oc6OTa_2nZA-NmRQCPcB/s400/snowflake%2B14%2Bboys%2Bhelp.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Cheery young neighbors repeatedly offered to shovel<br />
as we chipped at ice to remove danger chunk by chunk. </td></tr>
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Every individual and every family must become aware, more prepared and more diligent.</div>
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<br />
Spencer W. Kimball, a Latter-day Saint (Mormon) Prophet looked to by millions, warned in <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1980/10/families-can-be-eternal?lang=eng">October 1980,</a> “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”<o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JoCmu_K_DkA/WQTEB0-cVXI/AAAAAAAAIvU/2Fo9V5D_YBwzfcsZmIJyjz5LA8FiLvwMACPcB/s1600/snowflake%2B15%2Bpity%2Bchild.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JoCmu_K_DkA/WQTEB0-cVXI/AAAAAAAAIvU/2Fo9V5D_YBwzfcsZmIJyjz5LA8FiLvwMACPcB/s400/snowflake%2B15%2Bpity%2Bchild.jpg" width="311" /></a></div>
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Building, or even rebuilding, a family requires effort. Children need fathers and mothers. We all need stable, happy marriage and family relationships.<o:p></o:p></div>
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References<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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Amato, P. (2005). The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation. The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/3556564 <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16px;">President Spencer W. Kimball, </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px;">Ensign</i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16px;">, <a href="http://president%20spencer%20w.%20kimball%2C%20ensign%2C%20nov%201980%2C%204/">Nov 1980</a>, 4</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "wingdings"; font-size: 10pt;">§<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration-line: none;"><a href="http://www.stateofourunions.org/">State of Our Unions2012</a></span>; The National Marriage Project. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-89958983445387214912017-04-22T14:44:00.000-07:002017-11-08T21:28:16.064-08:00DOES MARRIAGE MATTER?A new semester. A new class:<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"> FAML 300 MARRIAGE. </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKCx6fhzr2R4S64cqEe3_pwUngoPqV9NW1jX8Vn1o96DDTg2E_UJ15mA__3sd7_p7khpyPyYsO5zjWcmZmTp0w8rold4jF_ZM2UYCcKBigADdGfpP4s6k4KNDJAhn8xLOboJ6MQsJeXpxX/s1600/plain+wdg+bands+bckgrd+removed.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKCx6fhzr2R4S64cqEe3_pwUngoPqV9NW1jX8Vn1o96DDTg2E_UJ15mA__3sd7_p7khpyPyYsO5zjWcmZmTp0w8rold4jF_ZM2UYCcKBigADdGfpP4s6k4KNDJAhn8xLOboJ6MQsJeXpxX/s320/plain+wdg+bands+bckgrd+removed.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love the clean simplicity of <a href="http://wagner-jewelers.com/product/wedding-ring/" style="font-size: 12.8px;">plain bands</a><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">.</span></td></tr>
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<br />
Marriage! How does someone with a spouse effectively discuss such a topic deeply unless their spouse is also privy to the discussion? As I begin this course I realize this semester will change who I am, and may critically affect my attitudes and behaviors.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">My spouse likes more elaborate things.<br />
But compromises can be worked out. </td></tr>
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In fairness to my spouse, I explain what I am seeing and feeling, and offer to share course materials if he is willing to join me in reading and discussing topics. He had already been perusing my text books. He thought they looked interesting – or are they merely intimidating?<br />
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If my spouse were reading Dr. H Wallace Goddard’s, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” without me, I suspect I could find that somewhat intimidating. And Dr. John M. Gottman’s, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” would certainly cause me to be somewhat suspicious of how the book might affect my spouse’s attitudes and behavior.<br />
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The lead course designer provided a page of reading material about the importance of marriage and asked students to reflect on, and respond to four questions as part of an online discussion with other class members.<br />
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The basic requirement for Discussion Board posts and replies is supposed to be 350 to 600 words. I whipped out a sentence or two for each question and posted it, but after reviewing the syllabus I realized I needed to be more thoughtful to be able to meet that word count. Strangely, (for me at least), I really struggled to build the required word length.<br />
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I've never attempted to articulate such deep beliefs and feelings before. </div>
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The forced process actually helped me realize how shallow my answers had been and to think more deeply about the meaning of marriage. This course requires me to publicly share a very closely held part of my core being and beliefs. I'm having to decide if I am OK with that. I thought about dropping out. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">AVOID SOCIAL </span><span style="font-size: large;">WITHDRAWAL</span><br />
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But then I considered the message of our new BYUI President and his wife, Henry J. & Kelly C. Eyring from their first devotional to students Tuesday. "<a href="https://byui.brightspace.com/d2l/le/content/236523/viewContent/4040127/View">Hello, My Friend,</a>" discusses our need to reach out to others and avoid the "temptation" to withdraw socially. I am deeply intrigued by the doctrines they taught. </div>
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I'm still unsure about many things. </div>
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Nonetheless, I am jumping in, even if I must learn to swim.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MY MARRIAGE MEANINGS</span><br />
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Here's my 350 'ish' words ...<br />
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<li><b> What meaning does marriage have for you? What does it represent?</b></li>
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<i>Marriage is an ideal pattern to develop and promote becoming more like God the Father, our Heavenly Father. For me it represents a core longing to be more than I now am.</i><br />
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Ideally, marriage unites two individuals in physical, spiritual, and emotional ways so they are able to gain and magnify strengths, and minimize or overcome weakness or error.<br />
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<li><b>What meaning does marriage have within your family?</b></li>
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<i>Marriage in my family is viewed as a permanent commitment, and a covenant relationship with each other and with God.</i> </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">My paternal grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary, 1961</td></tr>
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My ancestors generally modeled enduring marriages lasting their entire life time.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">My maternal grandparents - 60 years, 1986</td></tr>
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<li><b>In what way has your family influenced your views about marriage?</b></li>
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<b></b><i>My family’s examples of stable enduring marriage influence me to build and strengthen my own marriage and family.</i> Although we are imperfect human beings, and some family members lack real stability or enduring relationships, true principles are both modeled and taught.</div>
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The expectation is pervasive even though application is not always successful. These expectations and teachings also develop a greater support network than might be otherwise available. If a relationship is breaking down, family members are more likely to encourage solutions versus giving up or quitting.<br />
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Family members, especially those like parents who are turned to for trusted advice, will help couples turn to each other instead of away from each other, promote patience, and will encourage considering many potentially positive options— Is there another view? a different interpretation? or possible remedy?<br />
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<li><b>How do you think your views about marriage will affect your own marriage?</b></li>
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In my opinion, we live in a throw-away, disposable society accustomed to instant gratification. If more divorcing couples believed they would be alone and lonely for the remainder of their lives perhaps they would reconsider, or figure out other options. Too many may be driven toward dysfunction or divorce by friends or family reinforcing petty grievances and encouraging selfishness or pride.<br />
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Some seem to believe a new and ‘better’ or ‘happier’ relationship will soon be available if they simply discard the present partner. They haven’t truly committed their all to their spouse, and constantly consider replacement models as if continuously ‘shopping.’ For them, is marriage a mere commodity custom-ordered on whims?<br />
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<i>Believing marriage is an enduring, eternal partnership increases my willingness to re-evaluate, grow, learn, repent, and forgive—and to allow my spouse and others to do so also.</i> It helps to view all events, experiences and marital ups-and-downs with more long term attitudes and assessments.</div>
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-910327994074727480.post-46432395728870151902017-02-04T22:56:00.002-08:002017-06-08T16:02:08.004-07:00HALF AS YOUNGHappy Birthday, Clarence!<br />
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Thirty-one, times two, is sixty-two.<br />
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Obvious, I know!</div>
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Two of us, and one of you! </div>
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Of course!</div>
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Twice as much as twice thirty-one! </div>
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That's one hundred and twenty-four. </div>
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(Could you live that long?)</div>
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That's also a lot of birthday wishes. </div>
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We send them all your way.<br />
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Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00702339769292574927noreply@blogger.com0